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Pot head gets really high on some good shit and goes home

Gets inside the house and sees his fathers shoes

Oh shit, I better hide somewhere before my pops finds out that I got high again!!

Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the living room...

Opens the living room door and sees his dad sitting there and reading a newspaper.

my bad p...

So I went to do my driving test high on lsd

I passed with flying colors!

Do you know what fish get high on...

Seaweed

I wrote a reference letter while high on cannabis

I highly recommended him.

What do you call a spud high on weed

A baked potato

What do you call a dictionary high on drugs?

High-definition

I got fired for being high on the job.

Boss said he didn't like my altitude.

What do window washers, who are high on really good weed, deal with every day?

Chronic pane

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What do yoy call having sex with two woman while one of them is high on weed?

Two birds with one stoned.

TIL Dolphins deliberately get high on the nerve toxins of puffer fish by chewing on them and passing it around

Talk about ‘puff puff pass’, amirite?

Why is Starbuck's coffee so high on the pH scale?

It's the most basic drink there is.

People say "I'm high on life!" like that's safer than drugs

But everyone who's ever done life has died.

Number of wolf photos is at an all time high on Reddit today.

They are still nowhere near enough to make up for the large number of predators Reddit has recently lost to YouTube.

What did the druggie scientist say when he got high on Helium?

He He

I'm sick and tired of these drivers high on drugs.

Driver:

"...They drive with no sense then slam on brakes constantly like kids ran into the street or something. Maybe if they weren't lucid on drugs they wouldn't hallucinate things in the middle of the road."


Cop:

"Sir, I'll ask again. Where did the blood come from on your...

Kids are getting high on Imodium now?

I don't think the juice is worth the squeeze!

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I was at a party the other day where everyone was getting high on laxatives and almonds

Shit got nuts real quick

What does Spiderman like to get high on?

Mary Jane

I'm so high on God right now...

I can't feel my faith

A police officer confronts a man who he thinks is high on marijuana.

"How high are you?" He asks.

"No,you said it wrong, it's 'Hi! How are you?'"

A rabbit goes for a run through the forest

As he’s running a cones across a possum about to light up a joint. The rabbit says, “Oh no! Mr. Possum! Don’t do that! It’s so bad for you. Come running with me and stay healthy!” The possum looks at his joint and decides they the rabbit is right and he needs to get healthy. So off they go for a run...

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Confucius did NOT say

>Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.

>Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

>Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

>Woman who dance wearing jock strap, have make believe ballroom

>Squirrel who runs up woman’s' ...

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8 Life Lessons — NOT OC

I'll credit this as last posted by u/NinjaNoob99.

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*SHOWER:*

A woman gets out of the shower just as her husband is going to his room. Hearing a knock on the front door, she wraps herself in her bathrobe before stepping outside. She sees her neighbor, who says "I'll give you...

Confucius says, man who stand on toilet

High on pot

My stoner friend used my daily planner to roll up a joint

He’s now high on my list of priorities.

I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, but my roommate used the paper to roll up his joint.

Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to see again.

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A man discovers he has been in a cult for the last year. OC

“How did you not know?” Asks his friend

“Well when everything happens bit by bit it all makes sense, the drugs, the robberies, the shrines.” He replies

“But what about the murder?” Asks the friend

“Well we were so high on acid that it just made sense, he was the King in Yellow t...

One day - a woman decides to save up money and get a facelift for herself

On her way home she stopped at a shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," he replied.

"I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for...

I just got my first A+!

I am so excited! I never thought I would score so high on a blood test!

Why do ducks make for awful roommates?

They are always high on quack.

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