UPJOKE

High On Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pot head gets really high on some good shit and goes home

Gets inside the house and sees his fathers shoes

Oh shit, I better hide somewhere before my pops finds out that I got high again!!

Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the living room...

Opens the living room door and sees his dad sitting there and reading a newspaper.

my bad p...

I'm so high on God

I can't feel my faith

So I went to do my driving test high on lsd

I passed with flying colors!

What do fish get high on?

Seaweed.

I wrote a reference letter while high on cannabis

I highly recommended him.

What do you call a spud high on weed

A baked potato

What do you call a dictionary high on drugs?

High-definition

I got fired for being high on the job.

Boss said he didn't like my altitude.

Kids are getting high on Imodium now?

I don't think the juice is worth the squeeze!

Why is Starbuck's coffee so high on the pH scale?

It's the most basic drink there is.

What did the druggie scientist say when he got high on Helium?

He He

People say "I'm high on life!" like that's safer than drugs

But everyone who's ever done life has died.

I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint.

He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.

I'm sick and tired of these drivers high on drugs.

Driver:

"...They drive with no sense then slam on brakes constantly like kids ran into the street or something. Maybe if they weren't lucid on drugs they wouldn't hallucinate things in the middle of the road."


Cop:

"Sir, I'll ask again. Where did the blood come from on your...

What does Spiderman like to get high on?

Mary Jane

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap

He was high on my list of priorities

TIL Dolphins deliberately get high on the nerve toxins of puffer fish by chewing on them and passing it around

Talk about ‘puff puff pass’, amirite?

A police officer confronts a man who he thinks is high on marijuana.

"How high are you?" He asks.

"No,you said it wrong, it's 'Hi! How are you?'"

One day - a woman decides to save up money and get a facelift for herself

On her way home she stopped at a shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," he replied.

"I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for...

Confucius says, man who stand on toilet

High on pot

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