UPJOKE

Hey Mom Jokes

the joke is originally in persian but i think it works in english too

kid:"hey mom are you adding carrots to that soup?"

mom:"yeah, i know you dont like carrots but dont worry, you wont taste the carrot at all"

kid:"then why do you add carrots?"

mom:"because it makes it tastier"

Sister: Hey mom, what would you do if someone broke your favourite vase?

Mom: I would make him buy a new one for me.

Sister: Brother broke the vase.

Mom: How?

Sister: I hit him over the head with it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is this African-American kid that goes to school and notices that the teachers treat the white kids better than the kids of color.

So he goes home and paints himself white and shows his dad. "Hey dad look im white!"

His dad kicks his ass, and says "Alright go show your mother."

The kid goes "Hey mom look im white!"

His mom beats the shit out of him then tells him to go show his grandma.

The kid aga...

"Hey mom, why does it smell like dead people in here...?"

"....mom? Mom? ...... Mooooooooooommmmm!!!!!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother, father, and thier young son go to a zoo.....

The child looks at one of the pens and says, "hey mom, what's that?", the mother replies, "oh that's an elephant". Noticing the gargantuan member beneath the elephant, the child asks "what's that under the elephant?", embarrassed the mother replies, "oh that's nothing". The child then walks over to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish son calls his mom

Son: Hey mom I am going to come over later today is that good for you?

Mom: of course, but are you coming alone?
Son: yes mom.

Mom: oh but how will you buzz my apartment?

Son: it's not a problem I'll just hit the key pad

Mom: oh but how will you be able to press the f...

Another joke translated from my native language

There's recently been many jokes in languages from people around the world. I though I'd give it a go.


Johnny got a brand new bike and was proudly riding it around his house.
He rode past the kitchen window and yelled to his mom: "hey mom, look! I am riding without my legs". A while la...

My kid comes up to me and asks...

Hey mom, if you're sentenced to prison in the court of God, would you need Christian Bale??

One night, back when I was in my late 20's, I was at a bar having a cold one.

An attractive older woman - probably late 30's or early 40's - sat down next to me, and we began chatting. After a couple hours and several drinks, she asks me, "Hey, have you ever had a threesome with a mother and daughter?"

"No, I haven't," I reply.

"Would you like to?" she asks, ey...

A kid walks out of the bathroom.

He sees his mom mixing up some cake batter. The kid says " hey mom, can I lick the bowl ? " The mom says "No !! . Flush it like everyone else."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman pregnant with triplets , 2 girls and a boy, was walking down the street when she was shot 3 times in the stomach

Somehow, miraculously , she and all 3 of her babies survived. 19 years later she’s at a family reunion and her first daughter comes up to her , visibly shaken. She says “mom, I just pissed out a bullet and I’m freaking out!” She sits down and holds her head in her hands , panicking. The mom figures ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to explain to your parents that you are a prostitute

Hey mom, remember when I said I was tight for money? Now I'm loose for money.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny goes to the circus with his parents...

As soon as they get to their seats, Johnny’s Dad gets up and says, “I’m going to grab a beer, I’ll be right back.”

Right in front of Johnny is the biggest elephant he had ever seen. “Hey Mom, you see that big elephant right there?” She looks over, “Why yes Johnny, I sure do!” And Johnny says,...

So my kid walks inside and says,

'Hey mom, can we get one of those new chicken proof lawns for the backyard? I hear they're impeccable".

A son calls his mom from jail

“Hey mom, bad news, I’m in for life.”
“Shut up Frank you’re a prison guard.”

A girl tells her parents she's going to major in psychology

"Hey mom! Hey dad! I'm gonna study a real science! PSYCH!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mom, Daughter and Neighbour

Daughter: "Hey mom, I just found out the guy next door has a penis like a peanut."
Mom : "Really! Is it that small?"
Daughter: "Nope. It's salty!"

NSFW While I was sitting in the bar one night drinking alone

A stunner of a woman walked up to the bar sat down right next to me. A booty to die for and rack that hadn’t fallen yet, I couldn’t help taking a glance at her. She smiled back at me, and not in an unkindly way.

I asked if I could buy her the next drink. She accepted. We started talking. She ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Billy came home early from school to find his mom naked, just getting out of the shower...

"Hey mom, what's that bushy thing between your legs?" he asked. "Oh that's just my sponge," his mom replied. A few days later Billy had a friend over, "mom, show Tommy your sponge." Billy's mom replies, "oh, I can't, I seem to have misplaced it." Billy says "oh I'll go ask the babysitter where she p...

Little Adam wonders

Little Adam asks his mother..."hey mom, is god man or a woman?"
Mother replies: "God is both, man and woman"
A bit confused Adams wonders: "ok, but is God black or white?"
Mother replies: "God is both, black and white"
Adam responds: "what is God then... Michael Jackson?"

Mother and Daughter Action

A man in his 20's and a few of his friend were at a bar for drinks. A lady in her mid-late 40's sent him a drink, and introduced herself.

Never hit on by a cougar before, our guy in his 20s let her buy him a few more drinks throughout the night as he was enjoying her company. She made it cl...

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