UPJOKE

Hey Joe Jokes

Hey Joe, Do you pray before every meal?

No Mark, my wife is a good cook.

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"Hey Joe, I heard your mother-in-law died!"

"Well yes, that's true, Bob."

"What'd she have?"

"Just a small amount of money and a lot of old books"

"No, I mean, what was wrong?"

"Well, she hadn't written her will and testament yet."

"Not that! I mean, how'd she die?

"Ooh... Well, we were having dinner ...

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NSFW: There's a crew of builders working on a high rise building in Australia. They are working on the top; which is over 70 stories high.

Bruce the builder, climbs on a beam hanging from the crane and says to his friend Joe "Hey Joe, stand on the other end of the beam, as a counter weight, I need to take a whizz over the side. Joe stands with his back to him and says "Sure thing, mate." Bruce undoes his fly and starts peeing. The lunc...

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Mark’s walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Hey Joe, give me 5 shots of Tequila!"

Joe asks "5 shots?"

Mark replies, "Yeah, I'm celebrating my first blowjob!"

Joe says, "Well in that case, let me give you one more free."

So Mark replies, "No boss, if this doesn't take the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."

Chocolate Sausage

I went to a church men's campout a few years back. Everyone was sitting around the fire cooking breakfast.

Joe, an old-time rancher, starts cooking some homemade sausage.

A few minutes go by, then someone asks, "Hey Joe, what kind of sausage is that? It smells good." to which Joe repl...

Two Old Men On A Bench

Two old men sat on a bench. We'll call them Bob and Joe. As Bob and Joe were sitting on the bench, Bob turns to Joe and asks, "Hey Joe, do you think there's baseball in Heaven?" Joe waits for a moment and replies, "well as you can tell with this cancer in all I don't have much time left......so I'll...

Larry, Moe and Joe die and go to heaven

At the pearly Gates, St Peter tell them well since you were overall good people I’ll let you into Heaven however all your Heavenly possessions will be based on how faithful you were to your spouses. Let’s start with you Larry: in 20 years of marriage you cheated on your wife Jennifer 5 times, that m...

Shrimp

John: hey Joe what do you call it when a shrimp kills other shrimp?

Joe: I don't know what?

John: A krilling!

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Where's John?

Ted: Hey Joe, why ain't John working with us today?
Joe: He's in the hospital.
Ted: That's impossible, I saw him just yesterday dancing with a stripper!
Joe: Yeah, his wife saw him too...

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This farmer has a roster that screws every living creature in sight...

Farmer's neighbor wants to breed his chickens, but his rooster was eaten by a fox, so he goes and asks his neighbor for help.

"Hey Joe... So, I know your roster has quite a sex drive. How about you make some money and wear him out a bit? I need about 200 of my hens bred and will pay you well ...

Uncle just told me this one.

There was a man sitting at a bar, and he looks over at the gentleman sitting next to him and says, "Hey, you look familiar. Are you from around here?"

The man answers, "Yeah, I live down the street."
"No kidding?" says the first man, "Well, so do I. And hey, you look about my age. Where di...

Lazy farmhands

Three farmers were talking. "You would not believe how lazy my latest farmhand is." one said. "Come watch."

They went to his house and saw a sleeping man. "Hey Joe" his master called. "What? Is it dinner time?" the farmhand replied, then turned around and went back to sleep.

"Ha, that ...

A man named Joe came into my store wearing a Jimi Hendrix t-shirt. He started to leave, and I noticed he had some Dubble Bubble he hadn't paid for.

"Hey Joe, where you going with that gum in your hand?"

Joe knows everyione

Joe and Paul entered a bar and everyone at the bar said, "Hi Joe, Hey Joe,
How ya doin' Joe?"
Paul said, "What, are you a regular here, Joe?"
Joe answered, "No, it's just that everyone knows me."
"Whaddya mean everyone knows you?" said Paul.
"I mean everyone in the world knows me," re...

Billy and joe are looking for work

They come across a lady who feels sorry for them and tells them that she will give them 100 dollars to chop wood at her house, when they reach the house, they see that it is crowded with many children as it seems to be a birthday party. The lady gets a phone call from the entertainment saying that t...

two men are sitting in a bar

One of them looks at the other and says "you look familiar... whe're you from?" The second man replies "Ireland" The first man look astonished and says " No way I'm from Ireland me self , what a small world!"

The second man then looks at the first "What city?" The first man says "Doublin?" Th...

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