UPJOKE

Head On Jokes

My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework, she's gonna slam my head on the keyboard.

But I don’t give a fuskhhkxkhdkhhskhd

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft?

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more...

I found a decapitated head on the street so I called the cops

Nothing happened though, he was a nobody.

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck

When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysteri...

My wife told me she'd slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.

Don't worry guys, i think she's jokinejkodoworkfjcjkskoe394oo2oc2i2fkf2uu3ug25r2u

I’m not a fan of the new coins released with King Charles’ head on them.

But then again, I’ve never liked change.

a farmer was driving a cart full of vegetables to market when he had a head on collision with a semi

the farmer suffered severe injuries and was in the hospital for several months and was told he would be in pain for the rest of his life. He sued the driver of the semi and they went to court . in court the drivers lawyer asks the farmer

drivers lawyer " when the police arrived did they ask ...

I went on a date with a red head once.

It was going smoothly and we talked for a long while over some beers. She kept spinning her hair around her finger and looked at me smiling. I took it as a good sign but turns out it was just a red hair ring.

A priest, a lawyer and an engineer are to be guillotined.

The priest puts his head on the block, the rope is pulled but nothing happens. He claims he has been saved by divine intervention and is released.

The lawyer puts his head on the block, but again, nothing happens, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and is set free.
...

I saw a man with a bucket on his head.

When i asked what he was doing, he explained "I always wear a bucket on my head on Monday."

"But today is Tuesday?" I asked.

He blushed. "Oh no, i must look like such an idiot!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A perfectly normal couple has a baby, but, very unexpectedly, the baby is born without arms. Or legs. Or even a body. It's just a head...

Nevertheless, the couple embrace their roles as parents and, as unusual as it is, they raise their baby, trying to make his life as normal as possible. Obviously, it's a struggle, but they manage... and they love and treat their son like any other normal kid. Well, as much as possible.

On the...

What do you call it when you poke someone’s head on the exact spot that causes their head to explode?

Acupuncture

My angry egghead maths teacher hit his head on a rock today.

I think he finally cracked...

I tripped and hit my head on a snare drum.

I think I have a percussion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know, if you lay your head on someone's lap

You can actually hear them saying "what the fuck are you doing?"

A large and powerful kingdom conquered their wealthy neighbor only to discover its treasure was all hidden away.

Only the count from the conquered kingdom knew where the gold was hidden but he refused to tell.

The conquerors took him to the dungeon, placed his head on the chopping block, and told him:

“This is your last chance! Tell us where the gold is or off comes your head!”

Beads of s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The head is on the wrong end of this nail.

A carpenter was putting siding on a house. He'd reach in his pouch pull out a nail and drive it, then he'd pull out a nail and toss it over his shoulder, he continued, sometimes driving the nail and sometimes tossing it.


His partner asked, "Why are you throwing away some of your na...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

According to scientists, if you place your head on a strangers thigh

You will hear "What the fuck are you doing, get out, you pervert"

Everyone laughed when I put pictures of my head on all of my clocks.

I guess I'm just ahead of my time.

What's the best part about being a meth head on Halloween?

Just two more sleeps till Christmas!

A man walks into a bar with a pineapple on his head.

The bartender looks at him quizzically and says “Mate. Why the hell do you have a pineapple on your head?!” The man answers “Oh, it’s ok. I always wear a pineapple on my head on Tuesdays.” The bartender says “But it’s Thursday...” Upon hearing this the man’s face changes to a look of abject horror a...

There is a head on collision on a road....

In one car is a Priest and in the other is a Rabbi. As they get out of the cars they realise that neither is even slightly hurt but the cars are totalled.

"Praise the Lord!" says the Priest, "This must be a sign from God that we are to be friends!".

"Indeed it must." agrees the Rabbi....

Whenever I’m stressed, I lay my head on my keyboard and scream.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

4 men are in the hospital waiting room waiting for their babies The nurse walks in and tells the first man: "Congratulations you're having twins." The man responds: "That's a crazy coincidence, i work for the Minnesota twins."

The nurse tells the second man: "Congratulations you're having triplets."

The man responds: "That's a crazy coincidence, i work for the 3M company."

The nurse tells the third man: "Congratulations You're having quadruplets."

The third man responds: "That's a crazy coincidence i ...

When a wife keeps her head on your chest and slowly asks

"Dear, do have any woman in your life other than me"?

Remember answer is not important at this time..Important is heartbeats.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 80 year old blind man walks into a pub and sits at the bar.

He orders a pint and tells the landlord, "I've been blind for 50 years lad. My hearing's perfectly attuned. I bet can tell you what's happening in any room in this pub."

"Oh really", says the landlord, "go ahead then".

The old man cups a hand round his ear, tilts his head to the ceil...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men want to get drunk...

But only have 10 dollars on them. The first guy turns to his friend and says, "I have an idea! Let's go to the deli and buy a salami." The friend is confused but goes along with the plan. They head to the deli, buy the salami and finally head to the bar. They start drinking beer after beer and befor...

Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk?

My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.

My wife said to me, if you don't get off of the computer and help with the housework, she will bash my head on the keyboard.

But I think she's JockingFsss475241HHHNM,GDSADGHKLL;/UYRT5555rrrEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHHHHHHHHII003333454587111,KUJYTFB""""3u8ol;[45668kbnt72111vb ki90l.YJNMLGDASEDRUKOML'M :][EYRTYB;JIOI#M#KYFU6DCK ;/[]/

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.