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When the mosquito flew head first into a brick wall, what was the last thing that went through his mind?

His ass.

What do you call a person who just fell head first off of a 10 story building?

A crackhead







-I think this is original content. If not, please correct me.

When leaving to deliver presents, where does Santa head first?

South.

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Three navy leaders from three different countries are arguing about who has the bravest soliders.

Three navy leaders from three different countries are arguing about who has the bravest soliders.

The American navy leader says "I'll show how brave my soldiers are! John! Climb to the top of the mast of this ship and dive head first into the water!"

"On it, sir!" John replies.

...

Two friends in a pub one says:

"Hello John hows your brother Brian?"

"He died Alf"

"Oh that is terrible how did he die?"

"Well he was driving his car and he slammed on the brakes with such force he got catapulted out of the roof through my second floor bedroom window and landed on the bed"

"Oh that...

The Last Fight

The battle was long, perilous, and gruesome. The twins made it through nearly three quarters of the enemy battalion before reaching the final lines of the fray. They saw the end stretching over the thin horizon.

With their dwindling energy, they let out another strained cry for battle, and l...

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A rugged man and his crocodile enter a bar..

A rugged man and his crocodile enter a bar. Everyone immediately stares at the man and his crocodile that has captured their attention. He unzips his pants, hits the crocodile on the head to daze it, then puts his penis in the crocodile's mouth. Everyone looks on in horror and amazement.
...

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Johnny was depressed.

Johnny was feeling depressed because he was 30 years old, never had sex or a girlfriend. So, he goes outside to pick a tree. He finds a good tall one, with a rope that he makes a noose and places a ladder to stand on. About the time Johnny put his head in the noose along comes Sam ( Johnny 's best f...

Where did you come from?

A couple years ago, one night I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph out of nowhere barged into the room, tripped, and fell head first onto the glass coffee table. Totally killed the vibe, now I didn't know Joseph that well, don't even remember where he was from, let's just ...

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Charles the duck was sitting by the muddy edge of the pond.

Suddenly a female duck fell out of the sky and landed head first into the mud with her rear sticking up. Another nearby duck, thinking he had won the lottery, quickly mounted the female, but she reared up and threw him off forcefully.

It was a Chuck duck cuck muck luck fuck buck.

Two carpenters are fixing a barn roof...

when the wind blows their ladder over. "Oh great," says the first one, "How are we supposed to get down?"

"Well," replies the second one, "I'll go to this end and look for a way down, and you can go to the opposite end and search as well."

"Ok," replies the first carpe...

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The bravest (long joke)

Three generals and an admiral, one from each branch of the service, are standing around arguing which of their respective branch has the bravest members.

"Army is the bravest and I can prove it," says the first general. He looks around and spots a private. "Soldier, get over here!" The young ...

There once was a man with no arms. [Long]

Despite this fact, when the town church was looking for a new bell toller, he went straight to the church. The pastor didn't believe the man when told he could do the job, but decided to humor him, saying "If you can ring the bell, the job is yours."

Excitedly, the man climbed the stairs to t...

My spirit animal is a bull

Because, I too, charge head first into red flags

A new doctor with unique treatment methods gets appointed in a mental asylum

He decides to test 3 random patients to evaluate how unstable they are. If they pass the evaluation they can go home else face rigorous treatment.

For the test he calls their concerned relatives and takes them to a deep swimming pool without water. He then puts a drop of water into the pool....

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[NSFW]The legend of the King sperm

So one day, all the sperm in a guy’s nuts were having a meeting.

“We always wait for our moment to shine, our shot to glory land, to do our mission, but we get stopped by the latex barrier! We never get to fulfill our duty!”

Thousands of sperm moaned and complained.

“But today...

Two men are walking through the woods together and they come across an insanely huge hole in the ground.

The first man picks up a rock and tosses it into the hole. The rock vanishes from sight, and neither guy could hear the rock hit the bottom.

The second man decides to throw a huge log into the hole. After a few seconds pass, again there was no sound.

Both men, wanting to know how dee...

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This was my first time at a nude beach

Men always run head first for some reason

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My favorite clean joke

A young turtle is seen in the forest climbing up the trunk of a tree. It reaches the first sturdy branch of the tree and climbs out to the very end of it. At the end of the branch it hesitates for a minute before jumping off flailing its legs wildly tumbling end over end before smashing head first i...

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I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:........

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge head first into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My wo...

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