UPJOKE

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A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things...

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want an...

Several churches started having problems with squirrels damaging their buildings.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had ...

I told my doctor I was having problems with my memory...

He made me pay in advance. .

A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".

The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"

The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"

Robin was having problems starting the Batmobile

And then he went to Batman "The Batmobile won't start!"

"Have you checked the battery?"

"What's an Ery?"

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Pinocchio and his girlfriend were having problems.

Every time they would have sex, she would complain about splinters. Eventually, Pinocchio went to Gepetto for help.

Gepetto told Pinocchio to go to the hardware store and buy some sandpaper to sand off the splinters before he had sex with his girlfriend.

A week later, Gepetto asked Pin...

I told my doctor I was having problems with my hearing. He asked me what the symptoms were.

I told him they were a yellow cartoon family.

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Cashier: that’ll be $19.99

Me: *pulls out a $50*

Cashier: sorry we’ve been having problems with counterfeit money… Have anything smaller?

Me: Sure! *pulls out a $30*

A husband and wife had been married for 14 years, and were having problems.

They both realized that they needed to see a marriage counselor. They found one that some friends said had helped them immensely. He invited them in and asked them what was going on. The husband just looked down, not knowing what to say, but the wife talked for 15 minutes straight, laying out issue ...

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an older man and his young wife are having problems in the bedroom...

the young women is unable to climax

so they decide to take the problem to their priest and ask for advice.

the priest confirms that sex is an important part of marriage and he suggests they hire a young man to wave a towel in front of the womens face to help her lose herself and to coo...

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I was having problems with insomnia, so I went to see my doctor for advice.

Doctor: "You'll have to stop masturbating."

Me: "Why??"

Doctor: " Because I'm trying to examine you now!"

An elderly married couple is having problems in the bedroom....

So the wife goes to an adult toy store and asks the worker behind the counter what she can do to spice up her love making. The worker suggests some crotchless panties and takes her to see some. The wife looks at them and thinks they’re perfect She can’t wait to get home and wear them for her husband...

I hear Heisenberg and his wife are having problems

When he has the time, he doesn't have the energy, and when he has the position, he can't get the momentum.

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A man is having problems with his dick...

A man is having problems with his dick, which certainly had seen better times.
He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, 'Sorry, but you've overdone it the last 30 years. Your dick is burned out. You only have 30 erections left in your penis'.
The man walks home, deeply depres...

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A man was having problems with premature ejaculation

so he decided to go to the doctor.
He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his
problem. In response the doctor said, "When you
feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate try
startling yourself".

That same day the man went to the store and
bought himself a starter pist...

A chemistry teacher is having problems with her desktop...

So she asks the class:
"How do I unfreeze my computer?"

After a few seconds, one student raises their hand and responds:
"What's the melting point?"

A man is having problems attracting women, but he's not sure why

**A man is having problems attracting women, but he's not sure why**. The man wonders if he might have a *mental sickness*, so he goes to the clinic to see *a specialist*. While he checks in at the counter, the receptionist warns him, "The specialist has a **thick accent**, but don't worry - *his ...

My daughter was having problems with her G string and didn’t want her daddy’s help sorting it out.

Good thing I’m learning violin too and could help.

If r/jokes was a person, what organ would he be having problems with?

De-liver

Is anyone else having problems with their spellchecker?

Mine keeps correcting into weird things. Like changing "my" into "me", "money" into "gold pieces" and the letter x into "here be treasure". It's a pirate copy.

I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing…

He said, “Can you describe the symptoms?”

I said, “They’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair.”

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