UPJOKE

Hate Me Jokes

Uncles hate me

Because I got aunts in my pants

Ok, so my neighbours officially hate me.

Me and a few mates were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were roasting marshmallows and stuff when suddenly we hear sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.

So we all went running to see what was up, and our neighbour's house was on fire!

Well, when we ...

Girls hate me as much as spiders.

But hey they can bite people why can’t I.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When i was a kid this was my favorite joke don't hate me pls i changed.

I want to first apologise for my english in case i over complicate the joke it's my 3rd language and i have to translate it from my native language ^^

Well so it starts in a restaurant. A tall lady with weird long grey hair shows up with her huge bag and asks for a place for 2, so the waiter ...

Why do women hate me?

Cause I'm very competitive and always want to come first.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump???

Erection Fraud.

Dont hate me.

I think the guys in the shift before me hate me.

They leave every time I come to work.

People hate me for buying a record player...

But I think it was a sound investment

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do the Hong Kong police like to show up to work early?

They like to beat the crowds.

Edit: WTF is wrong with you people?
I know dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old but, 2 shiny bottle caps?? NO!! Send that money to the protesters, or groups helping them, in Hong Kong.

Edit 2:
Add edit to first comment.
Also he...

I saw graffiti in a bathroom that said: "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because I DID YOUR DAD!"

Underneath someone replied:

"Go home mom. You're drunk."

Y'all probably will hate me for this. Spoiler alert for Frozen II.

In the first movie Anna was Frozen

Now in the second movie Elsa is frozen too (Frozen 2)

I'm sorry I shall take my leave

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The son told his mom: "I don't want to go to school today. The kids tease me, the teachers hate me."

"But Michael, you must be in school. You're the principal!"

Tis the season. (Please don't hate me, it's just a joke.)

Christmas time. Valium and wine. Children indulging in serious crime. With dad on the weed and mum's high on crack. Christmas is special when your family is black!

My three sons are gonna hate me...

once I name them Prescott, Scott, and Postscott

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mother: "Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school."

Victor: "Mom, do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me, too."

Mother: "Yes, you do."

Victor: "Give me one good reason."

Mother: "Because you're 47 years old, and you're the principal."

My friends hate me because I make too many Linkin Park references.

but in the end it doesn't even matter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drill instructor was yelling at a new recruit

He was all up in this guy's face, their noses less than an inch apart.

He screamed at the recruit, "You hate me don't you?!?"
The recruit responded as calmly as possible, "Sir, no sir."
The instructor yelled back, "You're going to piss on my grave if you outlive me, aren't you?!...

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