UPJOKE

Hard And Fast Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My "go-to" joke in middle school. Mildly NSFW

Superman was flying around the city and was super horny. He spotted Wonder Woman lying on top of a building naked, with her legs spread. He figured he could fly down there, fuck her super fast, and be outta there before she even knew what happened. So Superman flew down at incredible speed, hit it h...

My new diet and exercise program requires me to not eat for 24 hrs and maintain an erection

It’s a hard and fast rule

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are sitting naked in a sauna.

“My wife has a nickname for my penis. It’s so hard and fast, she named it after the boxer, Rocky,” says the first man, who is, coincidentally, a boxer himself.

“Well, my wife says that my schlong is so long, it’s like being impaled, so she’s named it Vlad,” chimes in the second man, with a s...

When asked to secure the building, the different branches of the military all took unique approachs.

The Army set up a defensive perimeter. Surrounding the building with 50cal implacements, tanks, sandbags, barbed wire and strategically placed snipers.

The SAS approached under the cover of night and stormed the building with a hard and fast two pronged ground and air assault.

The Na...

A man walked into the ER with severe burns and blisters to both sides of his face.

He was quickly admitted. The attending physician asked him, “how on earth did you burn your face so badly?”

The man reluctantly began his explanation. “It’s actually kind of embarrassing doc. See my wife is out of town this week, and so I’m having to do my own cooking...”

“Ah, I see...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A marine and the call girl.

After a long tour of duty in Afghanistan, a U.S. Marine gets some well earned R&R state side. Seeing as he hasn't been with a woman for quite a while he decides to have a call girl meet him at a motel.

Once the girl arrives she suggests they get naked and get into bed, as the Marine strip...

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