UPJOKE

Handle Me Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you can't handle me at my worst....

I don't blame you. That shits ridiculous.

If you can’t handle me at my worst...

Then good for you; I commend and respect you for setting healthy boundaries.

If you can't handle me at my worst

then I should probably pull myself together and be considerate of others.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When a girl says: 'If you can't handle me at my worst...

When a girl says: 'If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best'.
What she really means is: 'I'm a fucking psycho'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A state of the art fighter jet with a sentient navigation computer malfunctioned and went into a tailspin

The human pilot realized it was unrecoverable and shouted, "Computer, initiate automated ejection sequence."

After a long silence, the computer responded, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."

Smirking, the crafty, old-school pilot muttered, "I knew the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The family cow

A poor family had a cow. When the time came they were going to sell it and have money to prosper with. It was going to be worth a lot. But until then they replied on the milk.

One day the farmer woke up and seen the cow was mutilated. Blood and guts everywhere. He freaked out knowing that thi...

What did the bacon say to the sandwich?

This club can't even handle me right now

I bought a new car recently.

I got it for a great deal. Oscar Mayer Weiner was going under so they sold me one of their weenie vans. I was really excited so I drove it around town to show off. I pulled up to a Starbucks because I was thirsty and as I was parking I saw the most beautiful girl in the world. She watched me park an...

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