Halfway There Jokes - 27 Hilarious Halfway There Jokes

Two men golfing...

Two guys are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it’s supposed to go.

The first guy says, “Why don’t you go over and ask if we can play through?” The second guy gets about halfway there, turns ...

Two golfers...

Two golfers were having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course. They didn't bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man sai...

Jesus, Mohammed, and Moses are all playing golf.

Mohammed tees up first, hits it nice and straight onto the green. Moses tees up with a nice clean shot, and his ball also lands a few yards from the hole.

Jesus tees up, and completely whiffs it. The ball rolls a few inches off the tee.

Suddenly, a gopher pops up out of the ground, g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I ordered a Bon Jovi album to give to my father for Christmas.

It still hasn’t arrived. When I ring customer service the lady on the phone keeps telling me “it’s halfway there”.

While fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat.

He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.

Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted:

“Are there any gators around here?!”

“No,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”

Feeling safe,...

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So the Pope is on state visit...

So the Pope is on state visit to the US and is travelling in his limousine towards the hotel from JFK. Halfway there he tries to convince his chauffeur if he may drive it himself.

"Sorry mr Pope. 'Tis against company policy for clients to drive."

"Yeah but can't you make an exception j...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy from the city decides to move to the country and take up farming

He goes to his first livestock auction and wins a bid on a male and female chicken. The seller says "You just moved from the city, right? If you want to fit in around here, you can't call these 'chickens'. This one is a , and this one is a pullet. By the way, if you want, I can sell you an -...

John took the day off work to play golf

When he got to the golf course, the attendant said they were pretty busy and wanted to pair him up with Steve to play together. The two guys headed out and after a few holes were getting frustrated by two women ahead of them playing really slow. Eventually, John said it was getting ridiculous and ...

Hey girl, ever wanted to feel like the sleeping beauty?

Go to sleep, you'll be halfway there

Hey girl, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

I hope not. You’re only halfway there.

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There are three men named , Manners and shut up

got stuck in a toilet and Manners went to help and try and pull him out. Shut up decided he should buy a plunger from a hardware store to help get him out and drove off. Halfway there a policeman pulled him over for speeding and asked “what’s you name” Shut up said “Shut up” the policeman got a...

A new and easy test for COVID-19

Take a glass and pour your favourite spirit, then see if you can smell it.
If you can then you are halfway there.

Then drink it and if you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus.

I tested myself nine times last night and was virus free eve...

So I'm trying to get myself to be ambidextrous.

I'm halfway there!

The Gryffindor trio went for a roadtrip.

Halfway there, Harry realised him being the driver forgot to check the meter.

"What were you thinking?", Ron & Hermione exclaimed.

*"Expecto Petroleum?"*

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island...

... that’s not far from the mainland, so the redhead decides to try and swim to mainland, she makes it about 1/3 the way there, but gets tired and drowns. So the brunette decides to try and swim to shore, she makes it about 2/3 there, but gets tired and drowns. So then the blonde decides to have a g...

Jon Bon Jovi was inducted into the Rock hall of fame

I asked him, "aren't you disappointed and ashamed you aren't in the more prestigious Rock & ***Roll*** hall of fame?"

He said "Woah, we're halfway there".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night, my psychic told me I was going to win the lottery, and quit my job.

This morning, I told my boss to kiss my and walked out. I'm halfway there!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man takes a taxi in the pouring rain...

He tells the driver to head for the airport, shaking water off his hat and fanning his coat to get some more off the whole time. It is then, halfway through the drive, that he notices he's forgotten his wallet. He frantically searches his pockets, but all he finds is a 20 dollar bill.

He asks...

A man once spanked off to the moon

He suffocated halfway there

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A man sees a nun hitchhiking

He stops to pick her up, and she gives him the address she's going to.

Halfway there, the man starts to feel a little desperate, and says 'Sister, I know this is inappropriate, but I'm dying and I've never had . Do you think we could do it?'

The nun thinks for a moment, and asks 'ar...

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette are stranded on an island...

Suddenly, the brunette spots land not far from the island.

She tells the other two: "I'll swim there and come back with help"

But as she is swimming, she gets tired a quarter of the way there and swims back.

The redhead says: "Don't worry, I'm confident in my ability to swim t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rabbit needed a ladder to get on the roof of its house. He knew the bear had a ladder, so

he decided to go borrow a ladder. The trouble was, the bear wasn't always the nicest animal in the forest. *"Doesn't matter,"* the rabbit said to himself, *"I'll head on over and if it doesn't work out, at least I tried!"* With that, he started walking to the bear's house, which was quite a bit away...

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?

About halfway there.

A turtle walks into a bar...

A turtle walks into a bar. He sits down and gets ready to order. The bartender goes, "You're looking a little GREEN there friend, need some Ginger Ale?" Everyone started laughing. The turtle confused replied with, "No thanks, I'll just take some whiskey." The bartender gets him his drink and says, "...

The Old Golfer"

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a
good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a
gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my l...

The red-shirted Captain

There was a treasure ship on its way back to port. About halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and crossbones waving in the breeze!

"Captain, captain, what do we do?" asked the first mate.

"First mate," said the captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea chest, and bring me...

Wisdom of the Ancients

Two girls Have reached the ripe age of 18 in the small Russian Jewish town, but there's no groom in sight. The town's rabbi sends a letter to nearest Yeshiva to send proper grooms. Yossl and Yitzi are picked for the task and are sent on a train, to meet the prospective brides. Halfway there, Yitzi t...

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