UPJOKE
thunderstormprecipitationcomeicestormrainsleetclouddownpourheraldacclaimgraupelprecipitatehailstoneapplaud

Hailed Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about that rare porn movie that has been hailed as an inspirational timeless classic?

They said it would inspire people for generations to come.

Someone donates one kidney and is hailed as a hero.

I donate five, and get arrested?

A woman hailed a taxi cab...

She gets into the cab and tells the driver the destination. In the cab with her was a police officer who just finished his shift.


3 blocks away from her destination the woman realized that she left her wallet at home. At the next stop light she decides to make a run for it.


T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Muslim hailed a London cab.

He asked the cab driver to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no Western style music or radios. The cab driver turned off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door. The Muslim asked him "What a...

A mother and her young daughter were visiting New York City.

The mother was trying to hail a cab when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner.

The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the young daughter asked "Mommy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that co...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Queen's breasts

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.


Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.


One day Sid revealed his secret desire to ...

I don't know why the teen that cracked egg on the Aussie senator's head is hailed as a hero.

He's clearly an eggstremist and we don't condone eggstremism

Two blondes meet on a village road.

One of the blondes was carrying a large gunny bag over her shoulder.
‘Hey there,’ hailed second blonde, ‘what is in the bag?’
‘Chickens,’ came the reply.
‘If I guess how many, can I have one?’
‘You can have both of them.’
‘OK.. five?’ Said the second blonde.

Sergeant Wilson was appalled to discover that ten of his men were late arriving back at camp following their leave.

As he waited impatiently at the camp gates, one of his men finally ran up to him, panting heavily.

“Sorry, sir, I can explain,” said the soldier.

“Soldier, this better be good.” responded his sergeant.

So the soldier told Sergeant Wilson his story. “Sir, you see, I had a date, a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is that when other people don't take no for an answer, they are hailed as being persevering, showcasing the beauty of human spirit etc, but when I don't take no for an answer

I get reported for sexual harassment

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing.

On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport.

During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!”

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Jap...

7

I had this strange dream the other night, July 7th to be exact. I was alone in this wide open field, and on this field was a large number seven. This confused me, and woke me up, I looked at the clock and sure enough it was seven o’clock. I thought this was strange but didn’t think too much into it,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When he was a little boy, Jonny loved tractors.

His wallpapers? Tractors. His toys? Just tractors? His clothing? All tractor-themed. Until one day, he was given the chance to ride in the cockpit of a tractor on his 6th birthday. He was sadly nearly crushed by the tractors wheels when he fell out of the cab, and the experience so traumatised him, ...

Why are you late? [Long]

A boss was waiting in his office one day when he noticed that all of his workers were missing. He waits a few more minutes before the first worker comes in.

"Why were you late?"
Sounding exhausted, the worker says, "Sorry boss, but my car broke down on the way to work so I tried the bus, b...

A furniture salesman from Ontario was on a business trip in Quebec, selling furniture to various stores.

After a long day of selling furniture in Montreal, the guy was almost back in his hotel when he ran into a gorgeous woman who seemed to be interested in him. But he spoke no French, and she spoke no English. So he came up with a plan.

The guy pulled out a notepad and drew a picture of a taxi....

Did you hear about the Sheep who wanted to become a Jedi?

He hailed from the Dagobaaaaaaah system.

The Possessed Book

It was a dark, rainy night, far out in the country side, among hills when a family was traveling in their car. They were surprised to see a man selling books in the rain. He hailed the car and asked if they wanted to buy any books.

One of the boys in the family was interested in haunted myste...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.