UPJOKE

Gym Membership Jokes

When I canceled my gym membership,

I had to hand in my too weak notice

Expensive Gym Membership

My gym membership costs $120 a year.

That’s pretty steep considering it’s $60 a visit

My girlfriend just told me, “I’m leaving you.”

Me: Is it because I’m too literal?

Her: Well, it’s because we aren’t working out.

Me: No problem. Let’s get a gym membership together.

My brother and I are twins, we share a gym membership.

Every other week I don't go, the others he doesn't go. So far, noone noticed.

I cancelled my gym membership...

Now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

My new year’s resolution is to get my gym membership

Cancelled.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me and my wife agree that I am having some erectile disfunction issues.

Our approaches, however, are different. She bought me a pack of Viagra. I bought her a gym membership.

My gym just sold me a lifetime gym membership for our unborn baby.

I hope it works out.

I've assigned for a 6 months gym membership and i still have'nt seen any progress!

I must go there myself and see what went wrong.

I have Abs

olutely wasted my gym membership.

Three months have passed

Since I have subscribed to the gym membership and I didn't lose a single pound. I might have to go there in person to see what's happening.

Today, I learned that some people are disgusted that others pee in the shower

I don’t think it was necessary to cancel my gym membership over it though.

My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account.

They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.

I caught two bears banging around in the dumpster behind my house last night.

Apparently, their gym memberships expired.

Not feeling creative?

Open up a gym membership and see how many excuses you can come up with not to go.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW A blonde has been out for cocktails with her friends. She drives off and is speeding down the Interstate, when she hears the wail of a siren & then sees the blue & red lights in her mirror. The police wave her down. So she takes the exit, parks and the police car pull up behind.

The cop nudges his partner and says "She's a blonde, just watch this"
He walks up to her car and indicates for her to wind down her window. She does so.

Cop: "Ma'am, any idea what speed you were doing?"

Blonde: "How would I know that?"
Cop: "The speedometer Ma'am.
Blonde: "Wh...

Loving beer and wanting abs is hard

So I had to cancel my gym membership due to conflict of interests

A businessman walks up to a homeless man.

The businessman says, "Why don't you get a job so that you can live comfortably like me? I have cable TV, internet access, and even a gym membership. I work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week so that I can pay for all my expenses and I'm pretty happy with my life."

The homeless man says, "I can't f...

Reason for Beer Money

Boudreaux's wife, Marie, told him that she was cutting back on his beer drinking because they just can't afford it.

He responded: "Hold up, I saw you spent 100 bucks for your haircut, 50 bucks on your nails, 75 bucks on your make up, and have a 70 dollar a month gym membership and you want ...

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