How many germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. We are very effective and don´t have a great sense of humor.
Guten Tag!
Beware the viper
A man arrives home and checks his messages. He got one by someone with a creepy sounding voice, saying, “This is the viper. Tomorrow I am coming to your house!” The man is pretty frightened by this. Who is this Viper; a serial killer? A prank caller?
The man hopes it’s a prank call and...
"The other day I came across an old worn out Bible, printed by Guten-something"
"Not Gutenberg?!"
"Yeah, that was it"
"You idiot, one of those sold at auction recently for over a Million dollars!!"
"Oh, I don't think it would be worth anything that much. Some clown by the name of Martin Luther scribbled all over it"
A collector of rare books ran into a friend who told him he had just thrown out an old Bible that he had found in a dusty old box.
The collector's friend mentioned that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed the Bible.
"You don't mean Gutenberg?" gasped the collector.
"Yes, that was it!"
"You fool! You've thrown out one of the first books ever printed! A copy was recently auctioned off for hundreds of thousand...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
How to say "hi" in other countries
France has "bonjour."
Japan has "konichiwa."
Germany has "guten tag."
England has "fuck off, yank."
China has "nihao."
What do you call it when you say hi to a puppy in German?
"Guten-Dog!"
The worst piece of bread I ever tried was in Germany.
It was *guten*\-free.
Finally found those German torque specs
It calls for everything to be Guten Tite
What do you call a German handjob?
A guten tug!
Germany has banned the word good
Apparently they're going Guten free.
I once had a bad meal at a German restaurant.
It was guten-free.
The Germans have developed a talking bread, but it only uses informal greetings such as "tag" or "morgen".
It's guten-free bread.
German thots be like...
Guten slag
How do you greet a German Shepherd in their native language?
Guten Dog!
The Germans are so innovative when it comes to diets.
Especially the gluten free diets. They’ve started a new initiative with their food. If something has gluten in it, they give it a guten tag.
A one-armed eldery man and his wife step into a restaurant in Paris
The man orders a steak while his wife goes for a salad. The waiter sees the man struggle with his steak, as he only has one arm. The waiter feels bad for the man, but doesn't want to ask him if everything is alright because he might embarrase the man. At one point the man leaves the table to go to t...
My friend died during his trip in Germany
Apparently he had an undiagnosed Guten allergy.
Why was "Morgen" the only spoken part of a greeting?
It was "Guten" free
During the Cold War, a British officer goes into a Cologne brothel.
He stands smartly at ease in front of the madame and says "*Guten abend*! May I enquire what your payment might be for the pleasure of my company?"
She looks him up and down, considers his rank and the likely size of his pay packet, and says "*Herr Hauptmann*, two hundred and fifty Deutschmar...
What do German kids play on the playground?
Guten tag!
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