UPJOKE

Guess Where Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guess where I stole this from.

Two cocks were robbing a bank,

All of a sudden a vibrator walks in,

Then the one cock says to the other cock,

.

.

.

"Oh, fuck, it's Robocop."

I bet you a month of Reddit gold that I can guess where you got your shoes, how many kids your father had, and what state you were born in.

You got your shoes on your feet.

You father didn't have kids your mother did.

And you were born in the state of infancy.

--------

Credits to a homeless dude sharing this with me.

A couple were watching a movie in a dark theater when a mosquito went inside the girl's pants. Can you guess where did the mosquito bite?

On the boyfriend's hand, you dirty minded perverts. Smh.

I bet I can guess where you got your shoes

You got em on your feet!

A couple went to see a film at a theatre. A mosquito enters the girl's skirt. ```Guess where it bites?``` No dirty mind it's not what you think

It bites the boy's hand.

War. A battalion is under heavy enemy fire.

The commander gathers his soldiers and explains:

**Commander**: Listen men, we can't hold for long. We must retreat and come back with reinforcements. However, someone must stay behind and cover our backs. And whoever he is... our supply situation is bad. All we can give him is three grenades...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he sai...

A lady arrives at a post office...

...and asks the postman:

"Hi, can I call my mom? I'm out of cash and I need to talk to her urgently".

The postman says "No money, no phone call, miss".

"I will do everything you want, please I really need to call my mother!" - the lady proceeds.

"Music to my ears" - the p...

An English man, Irish man and Scottish man...

Are on a plane and the pilot comes out and issues everyone a challange, "if you can guess where we are by sticking your hand out of the window ill give you 50 grand" the Scottish man quickly jumps up and sticks his hand out of the window "we are in Dundee" he guessed, the pilot shakes his head. Then...

Two men stand next to each other at a urinal...

One looks to the other and says "Can you guess where I'm from?"
The other guy looks to him, giving him a once over and says: "Well I can clearly see European."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to meet a girl from Tinder. Her profile said she was into erotic enemas.

Turns out she was full of shit.


(Just thought of this one, you can probably guess where I'm currently posting from.)

A pilot is coming in for a nighttime landing...

He decides to mess around so he turns off his lights and says to the tower:

"Guess who?"

The tower replies by turning off the runway landing lights and says:

"Guess where?"

(from my old flight instructor) :)

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.