UPJOKE

Grand Daughter Jokes

An old man and his grand daughter were sitting together in a room

The grandfather says to his grand daughter;

' Susie, get me a newspaper, will ya'

The grand daughter says;

' Oh grandpa you are such a boring boomer, it's the 21st century we normal human beings use phones now'. 'Here take my phone', she hands over her phone to the old man.
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An old granny and her grand daughter are chatting about granpa

-Did you love him, granma?
-Oh yes, i loved him so much. He was all my life, even tough he was so lazy.
-How come?
-You see, everytime there was something not working, he would never do anything about It. "Al, the sink Is broken." "Do i look like a plumber?" He would reply. "Hon, a brick fe...

My wife has a peculiar cooking habit

So, my wife and I are newly weds, and she's a great cook, but I noticed she did something strange when preparing sausages. Just before she puts them in the skillet, she cuts off about an inch on both sides of the sausages.

After having witnessed this a couple of times, I asked her why she di...

Here's some OC for ya guys

A man and his wife are about to have their first daughter. The man, a huge football fanatic, was devastated to find out the wife's water broke on football Sunday.

The same fate followed for his daughter's daughter. And her daughter too.

By the time the man was 99 years old he had jus...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grandad was getting his hair cut....

His young grand daughter was sitting on the floor beneath him eating a muffin.

"Watch out" said the grandad "You are going to get hair on your muffin"

"Not only that" said the grand daughter "I'm going to get tits too!"

Where did Noah put the penguins on the ark?

In the arctic section.

Note: my 7 yr old grand daughter made this up on the spot, after I told her this joke:
Where did Noah put the bees on the ark?
In the archives.

I think she's pretty clever.

Elderly Woman

“An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."


Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In hard times, a young woman becomes a prostitute...

For obvious reasons, she tries to keep this hidden from her only relative, her old grandma.

One cold evening, the brothel that the prostitute works in is raided by police. All sex workers are forced to wait in a line outside to show identification and documents.

As luck would have it, ...

A grandmother and granddaughter go shopping...

The grandmother is standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting impatiently for her granddaughter. When her granddaughter comes down, her shirt is low cut and see through.

The grandmother says, "you can't go out like that!"

The granddaughter replies "you can't tell me what to do, it's...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Family Reunion...

So a whole huge family is at their annual reunion. The oldest living member of the family "Great Granny" is sitting in a big comfy recliner off to the side so the children don't bother her. Suddenly the 98 year old leans over to the left. Uncle Bill rushes over and straightens her up saying "Dont wo...

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