UPJOKE

Gorgeous Girl Jokes

Yesterday, I approached a gorgeous girl, and she was pleased, which wasn't something I expected

I asked the girl for a movie.

She : "Which movie"? with a sweet smile.

Me : "You decide".

She : "No, you should decide"

Me : "No, you decide"

She : "Sir, please select which movie ticket you want. There are others behind you in the line as well"

I met this GORGEOUS girl named Christine at the bar.

she was SO hot, easily 10/10. I could not resist her attractiveness, so I decided to talk to her.

Her name was Christine, I told her that I find her VERY attractive.

I asked her if she is single, she said: Yes.

I was SUPER happy about that, and I was SO nervous, but I told mysel...

I told my friends that I'm going for a date with a gorgeous girl, and they teased me that she's imaginary.

Joke's on them, they are too.

Marketing Explained...

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed". That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed". That's Advertising.

You'r...

Trying to talk to a gorgeous girl

ME: \*tries to talk to a girl on train\*

GIRL: \*points to her headphones\*

ME: oh yeah, those are nice! so what's your name?

I went on a blind date with a real gorgeous girl.

I told her to text me when she arrived home.

That was three days ago, I guess she must be homeless.

Why the fisherman gave up on the gorgeous girl

Two fishermen are fishing out at sea.

One day, a fisherman caught a mermaid.

Above her tail was the most gorgeous girl they had ever seen.

However, after throughly thinking things through, the fisherman decided to let her go.

His companion sent him a confused look and ask...

I met a gorgeous girl in the bar last night and she promised to show me a good time...

So we went outside and she ran 100 metres in 9.69 seconds

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So I met this gorgeous girl...

...and I was sucking her cock last night when I thought to myself "Hey, wait a minute!"

Marketing 101

A professor explained about marketing to MBA students.
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party, you go to her and say I am rich, marry me. That's direct marketing.
2. You attend a party and your friend goes to the girl to tell her, he's rich, marry him. That's advertising.
3. The same g...

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I was drunk at a club last night

Saw this gorgeous girl dancing with her friends, and full of drink and bravado I managed to stumble up to her and said, “Duck my sick”

She laughed at me and said, “I think you mean ‘suck my dick’”

I then threw up all over her and said, “Nope”

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I met this gorgeous girl on the subway...

and I said to her, "do you know the different between lunch and a blowjob"

"no"

Ok, lets go to lunch then.

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i was sitting next to a gorgeous girl on the bus yesterday

i was so nervous. i kept thinking to myself "please don't get a boner, please don't get a boner". she got a boner.

Did you see the gorgeous girl doing the taser demonstration?

She was stunning.

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Naked Cowboy

A sheriff of a small town is patrolling the town one night when he comes across a cowboy walking up Main St. The cowboy is wearing nothing except his hat, boots, and gunbelt. The sheriff is a bit surprised at first but gets over his initial shock and arrests the cowboy for indecent exposure.

...

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I met a gorgeous girl in the park, immediately sparks flew, she felt weak on her knees and we had the best sex ever!!

Damn I love these new tasers !!!

Canadian guy, American guy, ugly woman and gorgeous woman on a train.

A Canadian guy, American guy, a ugly woman and gorgeous woman are sitting in opposing seats on a train. After some initial introductions of where they're from and where they're going, they settle in to do their own thing and basically ignore each other.

Some time later, the train enters a tu...

Two engineering students are walking through campus

One pushing a bike. The second asks "Where'd you get such a great bike?"

The first engineer replies, "Well, I was walking along the other day, just minding my own business, when a gorgeous girl rode up to me on her bike, threw it to the ground, stripped off all her clothes and said 'Take what...

A man sees an ad in the paper

The ad reads "Guaranteed program to help you get fit!"

The man thinks to himself "you know, I can stand to lose a few pounds" and calls the number. A man answers the phone and says "thank you for contacting us. We offer 3 plans. The first is our lightest plan and the third is our most intens...

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A guy is walking down the street, when a high-class prostitute stops him...

"Hey big boy," she says, "looking to have a good time?"

He looks her up and down and sees the most gorgeous girl he has ever laid eyes on.

"What are you offering?" he responds.

"I'll tell you what," the hooker says, "I usually charge by the minute, but I'm feeling generous tonig...

Jack emigrates to a strange new country in search of a job.

When he arrives at the terminal, the customs officer gives him one piece of strange advice before he enters the country.

“Whatever you do, don’t step on a duck”

Jack thought this advice was strange, but as he walked out the airport he saw thousands of ducks flood his view, so much so t...

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Alabama Wedding

Deep in the heart of Alabama, a son arrives to his father's house with exciting news.

"Paw, I met the best girl in the world, and we're about to get married!"

The father seems excited, and urges his son to describe her.

"Well, she's quick as a whip, funny as a bone, most gorg...

I got slapped at the club the other day

I went dancing at a local club, hoping to get a little action since it's been a while. I met this gorgeous girl and asked her to dance, a little emboldened by the alcohol. After the first song with her body so close to mine, she leans in and says "You smell good! Whatcha got on?"

I said, "Wel...

Skinny Dippers

A farmer in Maine was just finishing up a tough day in the Summer Sun. He decided that after such a tough day the perfect thing he needed was a walk around his pond. The blueberries were in full bloom so he decided that it was worthwhile to pick some up for breakfast the next day, so he grabbed a bu...

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The Story of Suzy Sandpaper (Long)

A young Marine was deployed on a Navy ship. It put into port in Bangkok for a weekend, but he was told he had security duty, and couldn't go into town with his fellow Marines. All weekend he stood sentry at the ship, hearing from his comrades about the gorgeous girls working the local brothels, an...

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A Raunchy One!

A horny American is walking along Jalan Bukit Bintang, in Kuala Lumpur one night and a very gorgeous girl catches his eye.

He strikes up a conversation with her, and quickly discovers that she is one
of those "exclusive" ladies-of-the-trade.

"How much do you charge?", asks he....

So the dude dies and gets to the Heaven's Gate...

... where St. Peter tells him that he didn't do anything particularly good or bad in life, so he actually gets to choose whether he goes to Hell or Heaven. He's even kind enough to offer him a tour to both places, so he has a better idea.

So first, he starts with Heaven. Which is really nice...

The Rich Old Man

A rich, brittle, 90 year old man walks into the doctors office for his usual check up. He sits down and waits until the doctor finally comes in:

Doc: Hows it goin fred?

Old Man: Good doc, but I gotta tell ya, something amazing has happened!

Doc: What that Fred?

Old man: W...

A guy with a huge orange head goes in to see a doctor.

A guy with a huge orange head goes in to see a doctor. The doctor says, "How did you get such a huge orange head?" The guy says, "Well, one day I was walking down the beach when I tripped over an old lantern. A genie came out and said, I'll grant you three wishes, whatever you desire...what is your ...

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So a man is told by his doctor he only has five days to live...

On the first day he goes out and gets himself a Japanese prostitute with big tits and fucks her like there is no tomorrow.

On the second day he goes out and gets himself a redhead Irish prostitute with a nice ass and he fucks her like there is no tomorrow.

On the third day he goes ou...

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Bob goes to Vegas

Bob went to Las Vegas and won big, really big. When you win big in Vegas the casino will give you free things, like meals, show tickets, or rooms; This is all designed to keep you there so that you will lose what you have won. After winning half a million dollars at roulette, the casino gives Bob a ...

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