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Gordon Ramsay Jokes

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Gordon Ramsay walks into a bar...

... and asks for a glass of water with ice. Once his drink is served, he looks at the bartender and asks: "What did you use to make the ice cubes?"

Bartender: "Water."

Ramsay: "Fresh?"

Bartender: "No, frozen."

Ramsay: "Oh for fuck's sake."

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What did Gordon Ramsay say when he caught a clown in bed with the Egyptian Sun God?

IT's fucking Ra

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Why does Gordon Ramsay hate seeing a bunch of cute pet pictures?

Cause it's fucking r/aww!

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What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?

Oh my god put them back in the damn ovens! They're so under-cooked they're writing fucking diaries!

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My wife wanted to try a new technique in bed called "the Gordon Ramsay"

It's fucking raw

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Gordon Ramsay's wife

Mrs Ramsay is terrified of asking Gordon to go down on her. You can just imagine his reaction: "YOU EXPECT ME TO FUCKING EAT THAT?!?!?"

Why didn't Gordon Ramsay upvote the picture of the lamb steak?

Because it was /r/aww

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I guarantee Gordon Ramsay always uses protection.

He hates fucking raw.

Gordon Ramsay goes to Australia and whips up a lemon meringue pie.

The whole audience cheers! “That's strange," he says. “I thought Australians usually boo meringue."

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Whats Gordon Ramsay's favourite sub-reddit.

IT'S FUCKING R/AWW , YOU IDIOT!

What does Gordon Ramsay say to the raw vegetable soup?

THE VEGETABLE SOUP IS SO RAW IT IS STILL STIMMING ON THE WHEELCHAIR

Did you hear Gordon Ramsay wrote a book about herbs?

It’s about thyme!

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How does Gordon Ramsays family know he's having a stroke?

The toast is fuckin' burnt

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Why did the chicken cross the road (Gordon Ramsay)

BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T FUCKING COOK IT

Gordon Ramsay goes to a restaurant.

He comes across what looks like soup.

“Let me taste the soup!”

“But...”

“No buts!”

He tasted the soup.

“IT TASTES LIKE DISHWASHER WATER!”

“It is dishwasher water, but you didn’t listen.”

So Gordon Ramsay’s having another kid...

Thought he didn’t like it raw...

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Gordon Ramsay with his son

Son: Hey Dad, let's watch a Disney movie

Gordon: Is it The Lion King?

Son: No, it's Frozen

Gordon: FUCK OFF

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How does Gordon Ramsay discern a leopard from a jaguar?

ITS FUCKING ROAR!

Gordon Ramsay

The only guy who tells girls to get out of the kitchen

Apparently Gordon Ramsay has 5 children

So atleast we know he likes one thing raw

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Gordon Ramsay in Disney's frozen...

IT'S FUCKING FROZEN! LET IT GOO!!!!

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Gordon Ramsay teaches a sex-ed class

“The way you make babies is FUCKING RAW!!”

I don’t know why Gordon Ramsay calls people a doughnut as an insult

Because honestly if someone called me a doughnut that would be the sweetest thing anyone has ever called me

Who is Gordon Ramsays least favourite Dragon Ball character?

Frieza

It’s ironic that Gordon Ramsay has so many kids….

Because he doesn’t serve raw meat

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Gordon Ramsay was waking down the street...

When he saw the cutest dog in his life. He bent down and yelled, it’s fucking r/Aww

How did Chef Gordon Ramsay lose 100 pounds in under a month?

He started a swear jar.

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Gordon Ramsay is the best person to teach about safe sex.

Because if theres one thing he hates in life,

"It's fucking raw"

What's the difference between Gordon Ramsay's favorite dish and a slow running computer?

One is a Rack of Lamb, the other is a Lack of RAM

If Gordon Ramsay was a WWE wrestler, he'd go to Smackdown.

He hates RAW.

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Why is Gordon Ramsay so bad at revenge?

Because if he served it cold, it’d be fucking raw

When Gordon Ramsay saw a cute puppy gif on Reddit, why did he get mad?

Because it was /r/aww

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Did you know that Gordon Ramsay is against using protection during sex?

Every time he starts out by yelling, "It's fucking raw!"

What do Donald Trump and Gordon Ramsay have in common?

They both have a cabinet full of potatoes.

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Gordon Ramsay's father-in-law jailed for six months for hacking chef's computer ...

Apparently, Gordon suspected the hacking when his computer was completely FUCKING FROZEN !!!

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What is Gordon Ramsay's catch phrase during sex?

IT'S FUCKING RAWWW

Gordon Ramsay screamed at me that I didn't know the first thing about seasoning

But I took it with a pinch of sugar

Crossword clue: F**k, used by Gordon Ramsay a lot more than the average person

Fork

My wife doesn't realize I'm not complimenting her cooking

When I say "you remind me of Gordon Ramsay"

Was just watching the Great British Baking Show

The entire series feels like an apology for sending us Gordon Ramsay.

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A man comes home from the bar...

and sees his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's cooking show on the tv.
He says to his wife, "What are you watching that shit for? You can't cook to save your life!"
To which she replies, "So what? You watch porn movies, don’t you?"

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Boris Johnson walks into a Bank

He needs to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?"

Cashier: It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?

BJ: Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Bor...

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