UPJOKE

Going To Hell Jokes

Don't drink too much liquor. You will go to Hell.

Priest - Don't drink too much liquor. You will go to Hell.
Alcoholic - Is it? What about the guy who sells the liquor?
Priest - He will also go to Hell.
Alcoholic - Ok, what about the guy who sells pork tacos in the food truck outside the Liquor Store?
Priest - He too will go to Hell....

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Going to hell

Johnny died and arrived in Hell.

He was met by the Devil and was told that in the new kinder, gentler, more customer focused Hell, each person is offered three choices of torture.

The Devil explained that these tortures run in 1,000-year cycles and you could pick which cycle to begin w...

Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell?

Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.

I'm going to hell

When I'm at hospitals I put half eaten sandwiches in coma patients hands, to give their family hope....

On my mom's death bed, she exclaimed she was probably going to Hell & asked if I had any last words for her

I told her ... put in a good word for me.

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I’m going to hell for this one....

A teacher, a lawyer, and a priest were sitting together on an airplane. The pilot comes over the PA and says “I’m sorry folks, but we’ve just lost both engines. We’re going to crash and die.” The teacher exclaims “Oh my God, the poor children!” The lawyer replies “Fuck the children!” The priest asks...

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Russian and German go to hell...

Russian and German died and went to st. Peter. St. Peter asks both of them.
"Well, both of you did bad things in your life so you are definitely going to hell. But I'll give you a choice today. You can choose, go to Russian hell and eat a bucket of shit every morning or go to German hell and eat...

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Jeffrey Epstein may be going to Hell...

But he still got his 72 virgins.

which spice, according to jamaicans, is definitely going to hell?

the cinnamon!

My Jewish friend confided in me that he was petrified of going to hell for smoking.

"SMOKING" I said, "What the fcuk have you been smoking ?"

"BACON" he said.

(I’m going to hell for this one) What is the main difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?

Walker made it to 100.

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Going to Hell [Long]

The evil man arrived in Hell and was immediately greeted by his Eternal Assignment Demon. They walked down a dank hallway until they came upon a door. “This is your first option of three for you to serve your eternal damnation. Behold.” The EAD slides the hatch on the door and the evil man (let’s ca...

A monk, a nun and a priest all suddenly die in a fire and end up before God...

"You are all going to hell!" he announces. "As despite your dedicated lives you still had sins you did not repent for! However, for your services to me, I will allow you to choose your eternal punishment. You must select 3 different things I find most terrible that humans have experienced before. Ea...

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Apparently I'm going to hell because I infected the Donkey next door.

They said I must not COVID my neighbor's ass.

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My priest said I’m going to hell for having premarital sex

Good thing I’m not planning to marry her.

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Hitler commits suicide and appears in front of god

God:"You already know you're going to hell, but before that I'll give you one wish."

Hitler:"Alright, let me kill 10 million Jews and one Swedish man."

God:"Why the Swedish man?"

Hitler:"I knew you didn't give a fuck about the Jews."

My religious friend told me I was going to hell.

I was about as worried as he was when I told him he was going to Azkaban

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A woman makes a deal with the Devil to gain wealth and power, but doesn't want to go to Hell.

The Devil makes a little rule for the woman. She happily agrees and thus, the contract is sealed.

She goes onto be the best stockbroker in her city, giving her a near bottomless checkbook and connections to lawmakers, celebrities, anyone with even a scrap of power in the city.


Almo...

Guys, what are your favorite "I'm going to hell for this" jokes?

Here's mine:
What do you call a dead Mexican?
Dearly deported.

The good news is, you're not going to hell!

The bad news is, you're not going to heaven either. Because they're not real.

Jesus sees that planet earth is going to Hell in a hand basket because too many people are using something called drugs...

He wishes to know about this, so he calls His Apostles and tells them that they all have to go down to Earth to see for themselves what is going on and then come back to Heaven and report back to Him.

The Apostles go to different places on Earth and after some time, they come back to report w...

What's the difference between a Jewish kid and an American kid? (Going to hell for this one...)

The American kid comes back from camp.

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