UPJOKE

Going Outside Jokes

I saw my neighbour going outside again and again to check his mailbox.

When I asked why is he doing that, he replied - My computer says I have got mail.

I have started using the left cup of a bra as a face mask when going outside.

It's so I won't look like a right tit.

A man dies and shows up in heaven

When he gets there, he sees an angel sitting down at a desk with a book. "What's your name, and how did you die?" The angel asks. "Rick Thomson, and I fell down my stairs." the man replies.

The angel flips through the book and then looks back up to Rick. "It looks like it isn't your time to d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three years ago I mistakenly bought my son a giant conch shell…

I have a son who’s on the spectrum. It’s quite common for people like him to latch onto one specific topic and become an absolute encyclopedia about it. Some people choose trains, some a cartoon. For my son, this was mollusks. Interesting topic I know, but it seemed to be a pretty good deal for us b...

Little Timmy was told that everybody has a secret.

Little Timmy was told at school today, that everybody had a secret, so dark that they would do anything to keep it a secret.

So he decided to test this out.

He went to his mom and looked straight into her eyes and said : Mom I know your secret.
And without a moment passing his mom b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Good worker

A man came to a job interview.

The boss asks "What do you have to offer?" and the man replies "I am a good worker." and he gets hired (I know, easiest interview ever).

Anyway, the first day of work, his boss goes to the office to check on him but he couldn't find him. He asks around if...

It's good to know that in these tough times, there's still someone doing hair, nails, and brows.

The Funeral Director.

Keep going outside for an early appointment.

My water stopped working for a bit today.

My wife immediately said, "I'm going outside to dig a hole to catch the rain water!"
After the wife is gone I said to the rest of the family, "she means well"

Who do you go to to get your hair and makeup done during this pandemic?

A mortician



Do you want an appointment? Keep going outside !

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