UPJOKE

Glass Breaking Jokes

Three men are training to be Vladimir Putin's bodyguards

The training course is exhausting and incredibly challenging. On their last day of training, the instructor separates the three and and puts them in separate rooms, calling them one by one into the Presidential hallway.

"Sergeant Andreyev, come into the hallway."

"Yes, sir!" Andreyev ...

Genie in a glass bottle

One day a man was doing throwing practice with his wife while on a vacation, when suddenly he missed and the ball flew into a nearby house. They ran over when they heard glass breaking and saw a weird looking guy staring back.

The weird guy quickly came up to them and started thanking them, "...

Ring ring....

Little girl: "Um... hello?"

Caller: ".... Oh hey sweetie, its daddy.... why are you annwering the phone? Where is mommy?"

Little girl: " Um..... mommy says she and uncle Jack are working in the bedroom and i gotta play downstairs......"

Caller: " What!? Honey, you aint got a unc...

You should always have a pet to make you feel safe...

Just the other night my wife woke me tell me heard glass breaking and footsteps downstairs.

She calmed down when I told it was probably just the fish.

A husband and wife were out in the forest mushroom picking

The husband thought he found a mushroom and picked it up. To his disappointment it was an ordinary rock. Enraged, he threw it. After he threw it, he heard something glass breaking.

The pair rushed over to see what it is, and found a shack in the forest. A man in very bright clothing came out....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For all my military personnel

A SEA/L, PJ and a Green Beret all are trying to make Delta. The last phase of the selection process comes up and the instructor says "Alright men, you've come a long way. But you can't have any emotional ties to distract you. Behind each of these three doors, is each of your wives with her hands ti...

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