The diving instructor tells him "When you hit altitude just pull the chute cord and you'll be fine."
Guy asks, "What if that doesn't work?"
Instructor says, "Then pull the reserve."
Guy, still nervous, "okay but what if that doesn't work"
"OK, listen, if that fails just l...
A new bartender is working the saloon in Dodge City
When a cowboy burst through the doors from the street shouting, "Look out everybody, Big Bill Johnson is coming to town!"
The saloon burst into a panicked commotion as everyone scrambled for the door. In the rush, the bartender is knocked down and passes out.
When he came to, he heard...
No plastic surgeon will help me!
I have really giant hands and I'd like to make them smaller, but every time I ask the doctor for a hand-job I get kicked out.
Poor Dave ...
Poor Dave had spent his life making wrong decisions. If he bet on a horse, it would lose. If he chose one elevator rather than another, it was the one he chose that stalled between floors. The line he picked before the bank teller's cage never moved. And so it went, day after day, year after year. T...
A Priest and a Golfer are playing Golf.
On the first hole, the priest gets a hole-in-one. The golfer, wanting to show up the priest, tries to get a hole in one too. He hits the ball. It goes and goes. But it stops right in front of the hole. "Damn it! I missed!" yells the golfer. "Sir, That sort of language is not tolerated! If you say th...
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