UPJOKE

Getting Stoned Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A monkey is getting stoned in a tree..

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past, looks up and says to the monkey

"Hey, what're you doing?"

The monkey replies, "Smokin' a joint, come up and have some."

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they smoke a few joints.
...

What's the worst part of getting stoned with cannibals?

You've got to be really specific when you ask them to pass you a joint.

It's sweet getting stoned in a swamp:

I call it a marsh mellow.

Stop spreading the fake news that women are forced to wear hijabs.

It's their free choice between wearing them or getting stoned to death.

I applied to the local rock quarry...

Apparently getting stoned is not acceptable prior work experience.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus turns up at a stoning.

And asks what the person is getting stoned for. “Adultery” is the response from the crowd. Jesus replied “let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”
A voice from the crowd replied “for fucks sake Jesus, you always want to go first!”

A lizard in the jungle is trying to get high...

So he walks around looking for some pot. Suddenly he catches a whiff of some dank. So he follows the smell to a tree where he sees a monkey getting stoned.

He shouts "Hey monkey, you mind if I smoke some of your weed with you?"

Monkey says "sure come on up lizard I'll smoke you out"...

I'm a good muslim

I had one drink of alcohol on my 18th birthday, and have been getting stoned since to repent.

I went out for a drink with Medusa

I ended up getting stoned instead.

Why where the cave people mad about their children playing with rocks all the time.

They wouldn't stop getting stoned, staring at tablets, and playing rock and roll all day.

What should the penalty for smoking marijuana be?

Getting stoned

Why do Muslims always fail drug test?

They keep getting stoned.

What’s great is US but awful in UAE

getting stoned

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