You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake

But at least now we can see your face

Anti-vaxxer: "This corona hoax is getting old."

Me: "You aren't."

Getting old certainly has its benefits.

Every birthday party is a surprise birthday party when you reach 80 years of age.

You know you're getting old when

when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.

Happy Cake Day to me!

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How to tell you are getting old

When your wife suggests you go upstairs and have sex - and you realise you can do one or the other.

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I’m getting old.

A dude stuck two fingers up my ass last week.
And insurance paid for it.

America is getting old

it can't get a good election

Getting Old

Couple in their nineties are both having
problems remembering things. During a
checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the
old man gets up from his chair. '...

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Getting Old

An older couple is driving down to Florida from New Jersey for the winter. The old lady, who has lost much of her hearing, is pulled over at the Florida state line for driving at a high rate of speed.

The officer approaches the vehcile, looks in and asks the lady, "do you know that I clocked ...

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When you're getting old

An 85-year-old man was asked by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical examination.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.“

The next day the old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which ...

You know you're getting old when your wife says, "Honey, lets run upstairs and make love,"

and you answer, "I can't do both."

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"Your mom" jokes are getting old so here's a "your dad" joke to shake things up.

Your dad is so horny that he called 911 to ask for a police escort.

This Quarantine is getting old

So old in fact, that is it starting to become a Quaranadult

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Getting old....

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me, again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time, "like sitting around the pool and drinking wine isn't a good thing."

Talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.

She is "only thinking of me," s...

My grandad is getting old and he’s “starting to have a hard time with all the stares”

It’s his own fault, I told him not to get that face tattoo.

How do you know when you are getting old?

When something asks for your age and you have to scroll more than twice.

You know you’re getting old when,

by the time you’ve lit the last candle on the birthday
cake, the first one has burned out.

Getting old sucks.

The only safe place to cough is when you are sitting on the toilet.

All these antivaxxer jokes on Reddit are getting old

Unlike the children

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I must be getting old

My favorite teen pornstar is now on the MILF sites

These jokes about apple are getting old really quickly.

Punch line: $999

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Man I'm getting old

I haven't fucked a priest in 25 years

One good thing about getting old and losing memory.

I can hide my own Easter eggs.

You know you're getting old

When you walk by 3 priests and don't even get a wink!

The humerous joke is getting old.

It was then that I knew it had osteoporosis.

one of the nice things about getting old

is no longer having to worry about early-onset dementia

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My Grandfather is getting old, it's sad he can't do the things he used to do, bless him

You know, bomb the Japanese.

I know I’m getting old because...

I’m having dry dreams and wet farts

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All these vagina jokes are getting old

I apologise if I'm ovary acting

How do you know a palm tree is getting old?

It’s coconuts hang lower than its trunk.

You know you're getting old when...

"at your age" starts to come with negative connotations instead of positive ones at the doctor.

*Based on true events*...

I must be getting old...

While reading a post about someone asking for "short clean jokes" this one came to my mind and I can't believe I remember it entirely after such a long time... I do not remember having read it here but if it's a repeat ~ I'm sorry...

So here goes...


You know you are getting old...

when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.

When you are getting Old....

You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.

I'm getting old, The only way I can screw a woman...

Is to borrow money from her and not pay her back.

(Credit given to my friend. i'm not that clever.)

My dad always said there are two ways you know that you're getting old. The first is that you start to forget things.

I can never remember the second one.

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Getting old sucks. I walked into the bathroom and forgot what I went in there for.

And then I shit my pants.

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Handicap jokes are getting old

And quite honestly, they're lame as fuck.

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Three old men are sitting around the nursing home talking about how much it sucks getting old.

The first old guy says, "Every morning at 6 am I wake up and try to piss, but no matter how long I stay there or how hard I try, I can only dribble a few spurts of piss out."

The second old guy replies, "Oh yeah? Well, every morning at 6 am I wake up and need to take a shit, but even if I si...

3 great things about getting old and losing your memory

1. You're always making new friends.

2. Every joke you hear is new.

3. I uh, I forget the third one.

You know you're getting old when ...

the doctor tells you to slow down and the cops tell you to speed up.

You know you're getting old when you go to a new doctor...

...and part of the new patient exam is carbon dating.

85 year ol man marries....

And sees his doctor "I just married an 18 year old au pair girl, and she wants to have a baby as I am getting old. Is there anything I can do to help speed this up?"

Doctor looks at the old man and says "get a young lodger!" With a wry smile.

5 months later the old man visits his doct...

Marri-age and old-age

Relative - You are getting old. You should get married now.

Me - Will that stop aging?

What do your mom and yo mama jokes have in common?

They're both getting old but are still enjoyed by many.

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