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Getting Laid Jokes

The best part about being married is not having to worry whether or not about I’m getting laid tonight

I already know it’s not gonna happen!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the similarity between "getting laid" and "getting laid off" ?

Either way you are fucked.

Why do women close their eyes when they're getting laid?

Because they can't stand to see a guy having a good time...

How did the mime keep getting laid?

He could do unspeakable things in the bedroom.

Saw a guy getting laid in a cemetary last weekend.

Figured i had nothing to lose so i yelled out "hey, mind if i have a turn?"
" go dig up your own!" He replied.

A teenager is trying to decide where to go to college.

He's stuck at a crossroads between three schools - Harvard, Hampden-Sydney, and Alabama. To try and get some guidance, he asks his father,

"Well, what are my chances of getting laid at Harvard?"

"Oh, not good at all," his father says. "They're too focused on studying and working to hav...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old lady needs help getting laid...

An old lady hadn't had sex with her husband in years. While he's working one day, she went to the nearby sex shop and asks for a recommendation.

The clerk picked out a pair of crotchless panties assuring the old woman that they will surely put her husband in the mood. The old woman eagerly b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Your only chance of getting laid...

is to crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.

The entire Slytherin staff is getting laid off soon

I hear they're getting a good Severus package.

Getting laid for me is like getting ketchup out of a bottle

easy if i have a knife

Oliver has been living the dream

Two old friends caught up for lunch. Jake and Oliver hadn't seen each other for over twenty years. "How have you been?" Oliver asked.
"I've been good" Jake said, ordering from the menu. "I'm married with two great kids. Work is a bit dull but it pays the bills. How about you, how have you been...

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