How did the mime keep getting laid?

He could do unspeakable things in the bedroom.

Why are geologists so good at getting laid?

They know the best dating techniques.

Saw a guy getting laid in a cemetary last weekend.

Figured i had nothing to lose so i yelled out "hey, mind if i have a turn?"
" go dig up your own!" He replied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old lady needs help getting laid...

An old lady hadn't had sex with her husband in years. While he's working one day, she went to the nearby sex shop and asks for a recommendation.

The clerk picked out a pair of crotchless panties assuring the old woman that they will surely put her husband in the mood. The old woman eagerly b...

The entire Slytherin staff is getting laid off soon

I hear they're getting a good Severus package.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Your only chance of getting laid...

is to crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.

Getting laid for me is like getting ketchup out of a bottle

easy if i have a knife

A teenager is trying to decide where to go to college.

He's stuck at a crossroads between three schools - Harvard, Hampden-Sydney, and Alabama. To try and get some guidance, he asks his father,

"Well, what are my chances of getting laid at Harvard?"

"Oh, not good at all," his father says. "They're too focused on studying and working to hav...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with a 25 inch penis...

Was having a hard time getting laid so he goes to the doctor. The doctor said “No, I’m sorry but you will have to go to a surgeon”. The man goes to the surgeon and the surgeon said “ Sorry there’s nothing I can do but you can try a witch doctor”. So the man thought at this point he might as well giv...

All dad wants for Father’s Day is a full day of what made him a dad in the first place

Getting laid.

Dude is getting ready for prom night

He thinks to himself; "I'm gonna need to make this night perfect so I can get laid!".

He thinks about what he'll need. "I'll need a perfectly fitted tuxedo so I look good so I can get laid!" So he goes to the tailor and sees an incredibly long line. It's prom day so he's not the only one thin...

Measure of Success

As a toddler, success means not peeing your pants.

At 16, success means getting laid as often as possible.

At 50, success means means a great career and a loving family.

At 65, success means getting laid as often as possible.

At 90, success means not peeing your pants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔


A buddy of mine called last night to shoot the shit and he asked me, "So man how's things? You getting laid?"

Me: "Corona hit me hard. But I met next door twins and have been fuckin them!".

Friend: "Holy shit!! Twins! Well how do you tell them apart?"

Me: "It's simple. Kim got r...

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