UPJOKE

Get Pregnant Jokes

A couple want to have children but the wife can't get pregnant.

A couple want to have children but the wife can't get pregnant
...so they go to see a priest for advice. The priest tells them they came at the right time, since his superior just sent him to Rome for 10 years, and he's leaving tomorrow.
'As soon as I'll get there, I'll immediately light a can...

Why didn't barbie ever get pregnant?

Because Ken always came in another box.

Why doesn't Mrs. Clean get pregnant?

Because Mr. Clean comes in a bottle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3500 years ago, the Greeks discovered that you couldn't get pregnant through anal sex.

700 years later, the Romans discovered that it also worked with women.

I got a vasectomy so my wife wouldn't get pregnant.

But apparently all it does is change the color of the baby

What kind of bird doesn't get pregnant?

A swallow

My friend is trying to get pregnant by way of a sperm donor.

She's not having much luck, but I'm pulling for her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

why can't you get pregnant from having sex with a vampire?

Because they need permission to come inside

Why can’t witches get pregnant?

Because their husbands have hollow weenies.

How did the Dairy Queen get pregnant?

Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper!

Why did the dinosaurs girlfriend get pregnant?

Because they did it rawr.

A young couple couldn't get pregnant.

A young couple couldn't get pregnant. They tried everything so the wife could conceive including going to the fertility doctor, but nothing worked. Finally, at church one Sunday they asked their priest for advice. The priest told them to go to the Vatican and light a candle. Several years later, the...

I just made love to my girlfriend.

She asked, “If I get pregnant, what should we name the baby?”

I took off my condom, tied a knot, and flushed it down the toilet.

“Well” I said, “If he can get out of that, we’ll call him Houdini”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can a bullet get pregnant?

Fuck a round and find out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman asks her doctor if she can get pregnant from anal sex

He answers, "Sure. Where do you think lawyers come from?"

Can't get pregnant

Stacy: I have to be very careful, i just can't get pregnant now.

Tiffany: Didn't your husband get a vasectomy?

Stacy: Exactly!

How did the mexican girl get pregnant?

The teacher told her to make an essay.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys are talking about sex with their girlfriends.

Says the first guy: “Dude, have you ever tried doing it in the other hole?” His buddy is outraged: “Are you crazy? She could get pregnant that way!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always love good breakfast food after trying to get pregnant.

Eggs Benedict to remind myself my eggs been dicked.

I’ll see myself out.

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What piece of furniture are you least likely to get pregnant on?

A pull out couch.

“How did you get pregnant ?”

Well those camouflage condoms my boyfriend used didn’t work

"If you get pregnant, I won't stick around"

Me: If you get pregnant, I won't stick around

Gf: Honey, that joke's not funny anymore, you had your vasectomy like 5yrs ago

Me: I mean it, mark my words!

Why couldn't the witch get pregnant?

The husband had a Hallo-Weenie

When is the worst time to get pregnant?

When youre in a coma

How do you get pregnant from a computer?

You get Raspberry cream m pi-d

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There was a farmer who wanted his sheep to get pregnant

However, he hadn't got a male sheep, so he asked a friend what could he do. His friend told him to take the sheep to the mountain, fuck them himself and wait to the next day. If the next day they were placed in the sun, they were pregnant, of they were placed in the shade, they weren't pregnant.
...

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My friend told me, “I’ve got great news. My wife is pregnant.”

Me: Excellent. Do you know the sex?

Him: Of course we know “the sex”. How else would she get pregnant?

Why did none of the girls at Hogwarts ever get pregnant?

Fetus Deletus!

Why was the girl amazed at her ability to get pregnant from the world's smallest man?

Because she didn't know she had it in her.

Can you get pregnant from sitting on a toilet seat?

Yes, if you sit down before the guy in front of you is finished.

A lot of couples get pregnant entirely by accident.

It's a pretty common misconception.

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