UPJOKE

Get A Job Jokes

If I get a job at a railroad...

will they expect me to know the job or will they train me?

I once lied on my CV to get a job as a window cleaner

I thought I'd get fired but my boss couldn't see through it

I’m trying to get a job taking care of horses.

I’ve heard it’s stable employment.

I need to get a job in trees...

Maybe I could make Branch Manager???

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You can always trust an Asexual to get a job done.

They never fuck around.

Get a job

A young man in a small town graduates from high school. His father comes to him that evening and tells him “Son, you’re a man now. You need to start contributing to this household. Go get a job.”

The young man is rightfully concerned. Work prospects in his town are slim. The only jobs availab...

I wanted to get a job that doesn’t require too much intelligence

So I decided to run for the President of the United States

You should get a job as an elevator

It’s easy to get a raise!

Two accountants are trying to get a job...

The first one goes in for his interview. They go over his history and experience, tell him about the company, and all the usual things. Then they ask him to take a test. They bring him to a closed room and he sits at the only table, in the only chair.

When he looks at the test, he sees only ...

Why is it so easy to get a job as a percussion instructor?

You just have to answer a few cymbal questions.

A struggling SoundCloud rapper decides to get a job as a farmer...

He now produces his own beets

Why didn't the Grizzly bear get a job in Sydney?

He didn't have the proper koala-fications!

Did you hear about the guy that worked for Hostess bakery and tried unsuccessfully to get a job at Tropicana?

Everyone knows that bakers can't be juicers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandma Edna had to get a job...

...so she applied and was hired at the toy factory where they make Tickle-Me Elmo dolls. She was led to her station near the end of the assembly line where the foreman told her what was expected of her.

A couple hours later, the foreman came back to check on her. He stood behind her and o...

Kevin Bacon should get a job at Chippendales.

The sign out front would read "Bacon Strips'

Mujibar was trying to get a job.

The HR Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."


Mujibar: "I am ready."

Manager: "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Manager...

It must be hard to get a job at an animal hospital.

They have good vetting procedures.

I once tried to get a job as a telephone operator...

...I sort of phoned in the interview though and the HR department didn’t think it was my true calling so I’ve put those plans on hold for now.

Why did the zombie get a job in the ICU?

Because he was a vegetarian....ok I'll see my way out

I was excited to get a job as a hotel receptionist

Then I started getting reservations!

If a man doesn't know the meaning of the word 'stop', he shouldn't even get a job as a

bus driver.

I tried to get a job teaching meditation

But I didn't have a good inner view

Why did Homer get a job at a bakery?

He kneaded the doh

I'm trying really hard to get a job at the moisturizer factory

I'm applying twice a day

Just failed to get a job as a mountain goatherd.

It was a pretty high baa.

Whatever you do, don't ever get a job at the tiddlywinks manufacturer.

It's counter productive.

I tried to get a job as a professional band aid remover.

But I couldn’t pull it off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob tries to get a job and has to answer questions from the interviewer.

Interviewer: Are you smart?

Bob: I'm not smart, but I am clever.

Interviewer: How so?

Bob: in class, I sat next to the dumbest and second dumbest person in class, I'm the third dumbest, but by peeking at their tests, I got the highest score in the class.

Interviewer: H...

I wouldn't get a job at that mattress store if I were you...

I heard they have a high turnover rate.

*joke brought to you by lack of sleep

I tried to get a job at a health club...

but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.

I told my wife I was going to try to get a job working for Gallup.

She was all for it until I asked her to help me practice by coming to the bedroom and taking a poll.

It was surprisingly easy to get a job at the zoo as a computer scientist

Probably because I am fluent in Python

I don't understand why people think that an animation graduate student would not be able to get a job. Well I'm here to tell them they're wrong. I'm working! I'm doing my job making many kids happy...

Happy meals at McDonald's.






Come get your free surprise gift for a limited time only.

I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist,

But I couldn’t find an opening.

I applied to get a job as a video editor.

Didn’t make the final cut.

I want to get a job cleaning mirrors

It’s just something I can really see myself doing

Is it easy to get a job at a restaurant?

I don’t have a lot of work experience, so ideally I’d be looking for an entree-level position.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wanted to get a job at a glory hole

But then I heard the bosses were dicks

My friend helped me get a job as a marionette puppeteer.

Let's just say he had to pull a few strings.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to get a job at a blacksmith, and they asked me if I've ever shoed a horse.

*"No, but I have told a donkey to fuck off."*

I should get a job at the Pentagon Subway

So I can say I build subs for the Pentagon.

Everybody just want to get a job

Except bullets, they just wanna be fired

If you ever get a job at a bank, take care not to slice your hand open while handling notes and coins.

If that happens, you'll be sure to get a pay cut.

A woman walks into a designer dress store, trying to get a job...

She walks up to the manager and says, "I'm the best damn salesperson you could ever have! I want a job."

The manager, admiring her moxie, says, "That's wonderful, but *any*one can just *say* they're the best."

Without missing a beat, the woman says, "Give me anything. It'll be done in ...

One guy tries to get a job:

HR specialist:
- OK. You successfully passed job interview. And the final question, what is your hobby?

Guy took stuffed polecat out of his jacket: - Taxidermy

Polecat:
- And ventriloquism

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