Functioning Alcoholic Jokes - 4 Hilarious Functioning Alcoholic Jokes

My boss pulled me aside at work one day

And said you're a high functioning alcoholic, I asked him how he knew that I was also high

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a teacher, one of the things I used to dread most was seeing one of my students out in public. So imagine my surprise when I saw 18 year old Kristen out one Saturday night in a 21 and over establishment. She saw me at the same time, came over and loudly asked, "What the heck are YOU doing here?!"

I said, "Well, I'm a functioning alcoholic, it's Saturday night, and I am 32 years old. So I really think the better question here is... how much are the lap dances?"

Job interviewer: What two words best describe you?

Me: Functioning Alcoholic

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What do you call drunken mathematician?

A functioning alcoholic.

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