UPJOKE

For President Jokes

There's a term for Presidents like Trump.

Probably not two terms, though...

So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

That is the joke. There's no punchline here.

I thought about running for president

But I figured he should do his own exercise.

I wanted to run for president of China, but apparently I'm not allowed to.

At least, that's what Xi said...

Why did the dime run for President?

Because people kept saying they wanted to vote for change.

Donald Trump has just announced his candidacy for president

Sorry for putting the punchline in the title.

I would for Monica Lewinski for president.

She is a Republican with a splash of Democrat in her.

What did Bernie Sanders running for president and me arguing with my wife have in common?

We never stood a chance but we just wanted to get our ideas out there.

I hope Joe Biden will run for president in 2020

Because when he announces it he's able to say that he's been Biden his time.....

I'm sorry

So apparently Kanye West is running for president

My question is, will he let the other candidates finish their speeches?

I think I'll vote the NSA for president...

...because at least they'll listen to the voters even after the election.

Why will Russia never have a woman for president?

Because Putin is a man

My wheelchair-bound friend said he wanted to run for president.

Guess he’ll just be sitting for president.

Everyone thought that Obama's Vice President was done with politics after 2016, but now he's considering running for president in 2020.

I guess he was just Biden his time.

I laughed in disbelief when I saw Kanye West was running for president.

But with his recent incoherent twitter ramblings, he seems like he is more than qualified.

Joe Biden formally announcing his run for president

Bernie Sanders: I am running

Andrew Yang: I am running

Kamala Harris: I am running

Elizabeth Warren: I am running

Joe Biden: Me too

Mike Pence walked in to the Oval Office earlier with some bad news for President Trump.

"Mr. President, unfortunately 3 Brazilian tourists in New York have been diagnosed with coronavirus."


"That's terrible!", exclaimed Trump. "What are we going to do?!"


"Wait...how many is a Brazilian again?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm running for President of the United States of America in 2020 as part of the Penis Party.

So far I only have 1 member.

Alexa for President!

I asked Alexa if she was considering running for President, but she said she was better suited for Speaker of the House.

Bill Clinton said Hillary is clearly the best choice for president...

He knows for a fact there is no chance she'll blow it.

I vote Gabe Newell for president.

There will never be a World War 3.

Running for president

It's the end of the 2016 Presidential race and the United States hated all the candidates so much that nobody voted. The government is in a panic trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be. Finally, Obama comes up with an idea: A Literal Presidential Race.

Th...

Why is Donald Trump still running for president?

It's the only race that he hasn't offended yet.

Did you hear about the horse running for President?

He's promising a stable economy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm voting my fridge for president.

Because America needs to chill the fuck out.

"Donald says he wants to run for President and move on into the White House...

...why not; it wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home" -Snoop Dogg

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stormy Daniels should run for president

If we're going to have an inept asshole in office I'd rather have a bleached inept asshole

If we can get Al Franken to run for President, with the Green Party candidate as his running mate, my bumper sticker would be...

Franken Stein 2020

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president...

...and 50 for Miss America?

It's time to elect a ventriloquist for President.

Right now, all we have is the dummy!

If my Angus runs for president...

...He’ll be a prime candidate.

I think 50 Cent should run for President in 2020

He's change we can believe in

Clowns terrorizing the streets. A real life billionaire villain running for president.

We need Batman now more than ever

I heard that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is thinking in running for President.

The only way he's winning if he's going against scissors.

Why is Elizabeth Warren really running for president?

She will finally get to be called Chief.

CNN has just reported that Monika Lewinski will be helping with the Donald Trump for president campaign.

Apparently, the last time she endorsed a Clinton, it left a bad taste in her mouth.

Who else thinks we need to finally have a woman for president?

We've got to reduce government spending, and we could staff the white house job for 75 cents on the dollar!

What is the worst possible slogan for someone running for president in Germany?

Make Germany great again

Some people wonder why Arnold Schwarzenegger hasn't run for President...

It's only because he's Austrian. And we all know what happened last time an Austrian came to power...

I wore my "Gandalf for President" shirt to the comic convention.

It got a lot of support, but some were turned off by my candidate's hard stance on immigration.

The National Shredded Cheese Council just endorsed Donald Trump for president...

They're ready to make America grate again.

How do you maintain your dignity working as an official for President Trump?

Acting!

Why is Hillary Clinton running for President?

Because it's easier than running from Law Enforcement.

Monica Lewinsky says she WILL endorse Hillary for president...

..says Hillary Clinton "doesn't suck."

Putin to seek re-election for President of Russia

He's expected to carry 120% of the vote.

To run for president, which part of a woman must you grab?

Their attention.

In the past, U.S.A. has had for president.....

Bush senior, Bush junior and now Bush groper.

In 2016, Obama left Trump and Hillary as the 2 choices for president.

Thanks, Obama.

Why did the lead pipe run for president?

Because he was born to lead.

What kind of ice cream runs for president?

neapolititian

It's not funny when a First Lady runs for President.

It's Hillary-ous.

Oprah said she might run for president, and it started a conversation about who would run against Trump. But we already know who becomes president after Trump ...

Lisa Simpson

Monica Lewinsky's statement on Hillary's run for President

Monica Lewinsky released the following statment on Hillary Clinton's run for President..
"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton . The last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in my mouth. As we get closer to the 2016 election year, citizens must remember that they cannot even trust Hillary Clinton ...

Dwayne Johnson has said that he would run for President...

As long as he isn't up against paper, then he should win.

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