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First Baby Jokes

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A man is with his wife and she is having their first baby.

She gets this really strong contraction, prods him in the chest and screams at him" This is your fault, you know this "He says "Bullshit, if you remember correctly I wanted to put it in your ass. You said it was going to be too painful, well look at you now.. "

First baby asks second baby “Are you a boy baby or a girl baby?”

Second baby “I don’t know...”
First baby “ Let me look.” Dives under second baby’s blanket and comes up red faced and says “You’re a boy baby!”
Second baby “How can you tell?”
First baby (triumphantly) “You have blue socks!”

My wife and I had our first baby last night.

It was really tender, but you've gotta watch out for all the little bones.

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Laundry

A young couple lived in a small studio apartment, which was perfectly fine when it was just the two of them, but once their first baby arrived, things started getting a little crowded. They also started feeling a little self-conscious about discussing sex in front of their baby, even though he was ...

Husband calls 911.

\- Please send an ambulance immediately. My wife is about to give birth.

\- Is THIS her first baby?

\- No, I am her husband.

Wife of a r/jokes user gave birth to beautiful twins.

He held the first baby and his eyes watered up, his heart filled with joy witnessing this miracle. He was speechless.


Then the nurse handed him the second baby, he gave the baby one hard look and handing the baby back to the nurse he uttered a single word "Repost"

"There are Five Cows on a farm"...

One mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a ...

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Flying Baby!

Due to the pandemic, Pete had to hang out in the waiting room while his wife delivered their first baby. The doc walks in, looks and Pete and says, “I’ve got good news, Pete. Your baby can fly!” Pete was suddenly taken over by concern and wondering WTF this quack doctor could be talking about. They ...

The good ol' cannon

A woman is about to deliver her first baby. While she's in the birthing room, her husband is outside, waiting for the doctor to give him the good news.

After an hour or so, the doctor finally comes out.

«Sir... it's a boy! Healthy and beautiful!»

«OH GOD» says the man, excited f...

Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other,

"Are you a little girl or a little boy?"

"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby. "I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.

"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling, "I'll climb into your...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

There's this guy that gets suicidal everytime one of his pets dies.

So he goes to a therapist to see if he can conquer the emotional response. After several sessions his therapist tells him to get a porpoise. They're normal lifespan will allow for him to pass on before the porpoise would.

He also tells the guy that he must feed this porpoise baby seagulls to ...

Baby head

A man and his wife have their first baby, and it’s a boy. However, the baby is just the head. Perfectly healthy, but only a head nonetheless.

The man raises his child as normally as possible, and when the child turns 21, he takes him to a bar to celebrate.

He orders a beer for himsel...

A young, married Asian couple,

Russell and Amy Wong were expecting their first baby. When Amy went into labor, they rushed to the hospital and several hours later, Amy gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. They were both over the moon with happiness.

Since it had gotten very late, Russell went home to get a few hou...

Three babies were in the womb talking amongst themselves about their future

They get on the topic of what they want to be when they are born and grow up.

The first baby says: "when I get older, I want to be a molder of young minds! A teacher is what I'm aiming for."

The second baby says: "when I'm a adult, I want to heal and save people! I'll be a doctor." ...

Father in delivery room

A woman is all ready to give birth to her first baby. The doctor, obstetrician, and nurses are all waiting for the birth. The doc checks for any signs of progress and suddenly he feels something moving, pulls back his hand and this little head pops out, sees the doc and asks him, "Are you my daddy?"...

Lena & Ole start a family.

Lena & Ole start a family.

Late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, I tink it's time!' So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the hospital to have their first baby.

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, 'A son! Ain't dat great!' Well, Ole...

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