UPJOKE

Find Me Jokes

If I had a dollar for every woman that didn’t find me attractive………

Eventually they would find me attractive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did my girlfriend find me sexually unsatisfying?

A small part of me says yes.

I gotta find me a cannibal girlfriend.

they don't care about looks, they just care about what's on the inside.

Women only find me ugly until they learn how much I make

Then they find me ugly and poor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife came home to find me in bed with a young, attractive blonde girl

She said "what the fuck are you doing?"
I replied, "we're practicing our golf swings"
"That's a stupid answer!".....I said, "well, that was a stupid fucking question"

Women always find me interesting and mysterious on the first date.

I knew that the fog machine under the table was a good idea!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Find me a man who doesn't masturbate...

and I'll show you a man who needs a hand

My wife walked into the bedroom to find me pulling off my boxers.

She told me I spoil the dogs too much.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After having a little nap, my wife told me of a dream she had where she walked into the bedroom to find me in bed with her sister having sex.

suddenly a shark came out from under the bed and ate me and her sister.

She said, “It’s funny how things can happen in dreams that wouldn’t happen in real life.”

I said, “Yeah, ridiculous…a shark under the bed.”

As it is the month of Ramadan

A man goes to an imam and says "I want to get married, find me a spouse."

The imam says "I can't promise I can find you a spouse but if you fast tomorrow, by sunset you'll have a date."

I used to make jokes at work during meetings, and I could really get people laughing. Then COVID hit, and all our meetings were online. I'd still make jokes, but no one would laugh...

Not one. At first, I thought it was just because everyone was muted. It turns out, they didn't find me remotely funny.

A Roman Pirate Captain asks tells their crew to "Find me the answer to i plus i"

The crew responds with "ii, captain"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grandpa tells his teen grandson: "I will put 100 dollars under your pillow if you can find me a viagra pill right now". Ten minutes later grandson gives grandpa a viagra pill.

Next morning grandson looks under his pillow and finds 1,100 dollars. He goes to grandpa and says: "Grandpa what happened? Why did you give me 1,000 dollars more?" and grandpa says: "I only gave you 100 dollars. The rest is from your granny"

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