UPJOKE
supplyeatprovidefoddercaterplypreypasturefertilizefoodconsumeforagenourishnursestream

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a vampire that only feeds off the blood of menstruating women.

His name is Cunt Dracula!

It's crazy how many people are talking about the Oscars across all my social media feeds

Everything is popping up everywhere, all at once

Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

Or even better: don't bite hands.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Englishman: "That your dog?"

Englishman: "That your dog?"

Welshman: "Aye"

Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?'

Welshman: "Dog don't talk.”

Englishman: Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doing all right."

Welshman: (look of shock)

Englishman: Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the We...

This guy shows up at a farm and says he knows how to make animals speak

The farmer says, "That's ridiculous."

So the guy walks up to the farmer's cow and says "Moo moo moo."

The cow replies in English, "Oh, thank you for asking. He generally treats me very well. He milks me promptly at 5:30am every morning. If I had one suggestion, I wish he'd change the w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hunter feeds his kids

A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean it, prepare it, and serve the deer for dinner. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is, so he doesn't tell them.

His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for dinner dad?"

"You'll see", he...

My friend only feeds the highest quality drugs to their animals.

I told them to get off their high horse.

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefu...

How do you feed a 90 foot long pet anaconda?

Once. After that somebody else feeds it once.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a vampire that only feeds only on virgin blood...

I'm 100% self-sufficient.

How does Darth Vader eat with a mask on?

He force feeds himself.

Four farmers are feeding their chickens

The first farmer asks, "So, how do y'all like your chicken?"

The second farmer says, "I like mine roasted with some herbs and spices."

The third farmer says, "I like mine deep fried with some biscuits and gravy."

The fourth farmer takes out a bag of marijuana and feeds it to his...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.