UPJOKE

Fat Chick Jokes

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "Caution, I'm a maneater". I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "Excuse me, Miss...about your shirt."

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted, "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."

I looked at her, confused and said,"That'...

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

How do you get a fat chick into bed?

Piece of cake.

Saw a fat chick wearing a shirt that said “guess”

So I said about 340, now she wants to fight

What does a pile of bricks and a fat chick have in common?

They both probably gonna get laid by some Mexican

What do you call a metal head who’s into banging fat chicks?

Down with the Thiccness

Fat chick

I was ice-skating today, just minding my own business, when I noticed a rather plump woman, who kept giving me the eye.


Eventually, she came over to me.


"Hi there. I'm a bit shy and I'm not very good at breaking the ice!" she laughed.


"Have you tried jumping?" I ask...

What's common between long distance relationships and fat chicks?

Both don't work out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy goes to church to hit on fat chicks...

He said he really enjoys Catholic mass.

Didja hear about the two fat chicks flouting social distancing rules while going for a walk?

They just wanted to flatten their curves.

What's the difference between sod and a fat chick?

Nothing, sooner or later they will both be laid by a Mexican

I once heard about a pimp that offered discounts on fat chicks.

You know what they say, it's always cheaper to buy in bulk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fat chicks shouldn't brag about having big boobs.

Because it's like having a car that's fast because it's falling off a cliff.

A man goes up to a fat chick in a bar...

and says "i'd give you one", she slaps him and says "how dare you?!? Just because I'm fat doesn't mean you can just say you would screw me!" He retorts "screw you?!? I was scoring you out of ten".

Fat Chicks Are Like Scooters...

They're Really Fun To Ride Until Your Friends Find Out

What do you call a Muslim guy who won’t date fat chicks?

Shallow Halal.

Fat chicks.

Last night I was having some wings and beer with a coworker after work. There were these two pretty, but kinda fat girls drinking at the bar and being loud. They had what I could have sworn was a Scottish accent.
I'm a big fan of girls from the UK, so I struck up a conversation. I asked them, "So...

I'm attracted to fat chicks...

...by the force of gravity

What do pennies and fat chicks have in common?

Unless you're broke and desperate, they're not worth picking up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A poor man goes to a sex club

After standing in line to get in het gets to the doorman. "What can I get for $5" the poor man says.

"You can get into the mystery room" says the doorman and he proceeds to lead the poor man to a door. Once he opens the door he sees a big round chamber with in the middle a donkey with a small...

A guy goes to a strip club with his friends

As they enter they see a huge naked fat chick dancing in the table. The guy says “Nice legs” and the fat lady replies “Oh you really think so?”. The guy then says “Yeah definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now”

Please excuse any mistakes you may see as english is not my first langu...

So I’m at the dentist yesterday...

So I’m at the dentist yesterday, the dentist has a needle deep in my gums. As he’s concentrating, he casually says, “how are fat chicks and bricks alike?” I was like “au-ha-oa-iea” (his hand still in my mouth) He goes “welp, sooner or later their gonna get laid by a Mexican.”

True story.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jar Full of Hundreds

A man walks into a bar and notices a jar full of $100 bills. He asks the bartender about the jar.

"That jar? You put in your $100 and you go over there behind the first door. See it?"

"Yeah", says the guy. "What's behind it?"

"The ugliest, fattest girl in this county. You have ...

I’m like a heart attack,

I get all the fat chicks.

An old guy at Walmart told me this tonight (and acted like it was a true story)

“I was at the bar last night and as the night went on, this fat chick got up on the table and started dancing. She moving all over on the table and finally I look up and tell her, “Nice legs!” She’s like, “Thanks, you think?” I reply, “Of course, otherwise the table would have collapsed by now!”

I kicked my wife out when she was 8 1/2 months pregnant.

No fat chicks.

Rules is rules.

Last Night at the Club...

I spotted a fat chick giving it large on the dance floor in the club last night, so I went over.

"Fancy going for a few drinks somewhere a little quieter?" I winked.

"Oh yes, definitely," she giggled.

"Thanks," I replied. "You're making me and the lads a little sick."

Wanna know something interesting about Roland Emmerich?

He owns one of those antique steamboats, the kind with the giant wheel on the back, and he actually sails with it. In rivers of course, the open ocean is far too choppy, and would damage the antique boat. Anyway, he's got an entire house set up on the boat, complete with living quarters, entertainme...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.