UPJOKE

Family Dinner Jokes

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A fourth-generation prostitute goes home to her great-grandmother's house for a family dinner...

She begins complaining to her family about work. "Geeze! Men these days complain about paying $50 for a blowjob! It's hard work! I *earn* that money!"

Mom, who was a hooker in the 1980s laughs. "Fifty bucks!? You're complaining about that? When I was on the streets, we were lucky to get $20!"...

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Wholesome family dinner conversation

The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases.

In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit.
...

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What can you say during sex and at a family dinner?

That was great! I'm stuffed!

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Family dinner

A man shoots a few bunnies and he decides to cook them for the family dinner that weekend. However, the kids really like cute little bunnies, so he can't say what they're eating.

During dinner, his son asks:

"Dad, what meat is this?"

The man smiles at his wife and answers:
...

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Tell me a sentence you could both say during sex and at a family dinner

How do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it?

A regular family dinner

Son: Mama, I saw Papa in the maids bedroom today

Pa: H-Hey now you just be quiet and eat your dinner son

Ma: Go on son...

Son: Papa took off his clothes and the maid did the same!!!

Pa: Now listen here you lying little sh--

Ma: Finish the story Son!

Son: The...

I was late to a family dinner because I was attending an important call

Nature's.

I was making a meal for a family dinner

But I accidentally burnt the food

When my family came to eat they said it was terrible

And I replied “At least the fire alarm thought it was fire”

A six-year-old said grace at family dinner one evening. "Dear God, thank You for the pancakes."

When she concluded, her mother asked her why she thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken-pot-pie.

She smiled and said, "I thought I would check to see if He was paying attention."

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The Italian Family Dinner

A joke from my rugby coach -- better told in person with the clapping, but try to imagine :)



Sitting at dinner, an Italian father looks at his three grown sons.

He asks the oldest, Mario, "Mario, why are you-a so fat?"

Mario responds, "Papa, Mama's spaghetti is just-a s...

A cannibal came late to the family dinner.

He was given the cold shoulder.

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A girl’s invited to his boyfriend’s family dinner. But she made a mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans.

When she is on her way, she feels the need to fart, but she figures she can wait until she gets to his house.

When she arrives, his parents are so happy to meet her. His parents immediately invite her to the dining table. Since dinner is almost ready, she feels bad to step out. She figures s...

I phoned my daughter, "Where are you? You should have been here an hour ago for our family dinner."

She said, "I'm with my boyfriend getting ready. We're almost finished."

"Thank goodness, I never liked him anyway."

My 87 year old, retired navy grandpa told this joke at family dinner after I graduated physician assistant school: "Well did they teach you how to make a hormone?"

Step on her toe

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