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Everyone's Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone's talking about the 90s like it was almost thirty years ago...

Oh.

...Fuck.

What do you call a person who keeps on talking after everyone's lost interest?

A teacher

Before you say "Tesla" backwards, make sure everyone's ready.

All set?

I want to pick up bags at the airport, and everyone's luggage was better looking than mine.

It was the worst case scenario.

I’ve always believed that a good speech is like a girls mini skirt…

... Short enough to get everyone's attention and long enough to cover the most important bits!!

What's everyone's favorite essential oil?

As an American, I've gotta say petroleum

Everyone's stockpiling toilet paper again

I'm so desperate for toilet roll, I gave the neighbourhood kids the middle finger in the hope they TP my house.

Everyone's using 24hr clock these days but I don't like it.

Not on my watch.

No wonder everyone's attracted to the earths center

It is pretty hot

I bought a toilet brush since I saw one in pretty much everyone's bathroom...

but after giving it a try for a week I decided to go back to using toilet paper.

Steal everyone's eyelids and no one bats an eye

Remove their brains from their skulls and everyone loses their mind.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's going to be easy for Trump to build that wall...

... everyone's shitting bricks everywhere

I'm at this party and everyone's telling me I should get decapitated.

I think it's about time I head off.

Doctor, everyone's ignoring me!

"Sharon, please send in my next patient."

When everyone's mad and you are not the dad...

That's a Maury

Everyone's been saying these are "trying times"

I've gotta disagree. I haven't tried at all in 10 months

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For everyone's attention, having anal sex will get you a lifetime ban from Iceland

Tonight I try my luck in Tesco

Did you hear the Cookie Monster got Covid?

The CDC confirmed it was the om-nom-nom-nom-icron variant.




Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

Edit 2: Thank you everyone for the awards. Just trying to brighten everyone's day with a little joke. I hope this joke spreads far and wide....like Covid. Stay safe everybody...

A man walks into a bar and sees 2 steaks hanging from the ceiling.

He sits down and orders a beer, and asks the bartender
"what's the deal with the steaks?"

"It's a competition. If you can jump up and slap both steaks at the same time, one with each hand, you win the bar. If you try and fail, though, you pay for everyone's drinks for the rest of the nigh...

Teacher: "What's everyone's favorite letter?"

Student: "The letter G!"


Teacher: "Why is that, Angus?"

what do you call a place where everyone's a writer?

a writer's block.

Everyone's heard of Schrodinger's cat, but have you heard of Doppler's cat

mmmmmeeeeEEEEEOOOOWwwwww

Everyone's too afraid to say it... but 13yo is the prime age

other prime ages are 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, ...

How come everyone's forgotten about internet explorer?

Because chrome takes up your memory.

Everyone's talking about how inappropriate Louis CK's behavior has been...

...personally, I think he handled himself quite well.

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