UPJOKE

Even Though Jokes

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad

I’m a faux pa.

Even though the trans womens club is thriving

Members are dropping off

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I think you'll like this joke, even though it's a little long

An Elderly Irish lady visits her physician
To ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.
"Not a chance" she replied. "He won't even take an aspirin".
"Not a problem," said the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra.”
"What on Earth is Iri...

My dentist mocked me today, saying that even though he's much older than me, he has healthier teeth.

I said it must be because he has the better dentist.

Even though I was born visible...

I identify as trans-parent. My pronouns are who/where.

Even though my girlfriend is addicted to meth, I still love her.

She's so beautiful. Those lips, those eyes, that tooth.

Have you ever eaten something even though you weren’t hungry?

On another note, I lost my job as a Gynecologist today…

Even though I no longer smoke pot...

I like hanging out with friends who do....

They always have the best snacks.

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A friend guilt-tripped me into spending the Saturday helping out with various tasks on his property, even though I'd prefer to relax after a demanding week.

While chopping wood, I got careless with the axe and dented his car.

My friend suspected that since I was clearly annoyed with him, I'd dented the car on purpose.

But in my opinion, it should be obvious to everyone that it was an axy-dent.

People who continue to eat bread even though they have digestive problems with it.

Are a gluten for punishment.

I like watching World Cup even though I don’t know anything about football

Sitting on the couch with a cold beer and watch those millionaires and billionaires running on the field, tiring themselves to half death just to entertain me, what a successful life!

Even though I went bald in my thirties, I still keep my comb.

I just can’t part with it.

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What product is actually great even though it sounds like scammy shit?

Shampoo.

I got fired from my last job even though I always gave 100%.

Apparently that's not how you grade exams.

Even though it's my cake day and I absolutely love cake...

Never gonna run around and dessert you

A young boy approaches his mum and asks why he is black, even though both his parents are white.

The mother replies ‚My dear, it was one hell of an orgy back then. You should be happy that you aren’t barking.‘

Even though the Titanic was not a marvel of engineering

the pools are. Been up and running without maintenance since the day they were opened.

My marriage has lasted 50 years even though my wife and I only have one thing in common

We're both terrible at ending relationships

Even though we're progressing, we really need to get rid of certain races.

Such as the 800 meter dash.

Even though Steve Irwin died

He died with animals in his heart

Even though he had cash, why couldn't Superman pay his bar tab?

Because it was Crypto-Night.

I got arrested for illegal fishing, even though there weren't any 'no fishing' signs.

Apparently if it's an aquarium in a hotel lobby, you don't need a sign.

Doctor - I finally figured out why your pain isn't going away. Even though these medications are called analgesics

They are supposed to be inserted in your mouth.

My parents made a decent living as fisherman even though they could only afford a boat made of balsa wood.

They didn't have real hardship.

I had both my legs amputated even though only one had gangrene.

I had to sell the other one to pay for the surgery.

How come vampires are portrayed to be porcelain white even though the original vampire, Vlad Dracula, was quite swarthy?

Must be his nickname.

Even though we live through a pandemic at the moment, it is literally impossible for me to become bedridden!

I just cant afford one.

I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though the wife thinks it's weird....

I don't see why, I think it makes a great hat!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my girlfriend if we could have sex even though she was on her period.

She responded "Yeah, I guess I could pull some strings."

I never get tired of jokes about dyslexia even though I have it.

I wish I could read all of them.

Why was the door jammed even though it was wide open?

Because it was a jar.

Even though we didn't get the glorious wall the president promised...

We did get a massive cave.

I just shot my protein all over my desk, pants, floor and my sheets nearby even though my hand was covering the tip.

Note to self, don't mix whey protein with sparkling water, it will explode.

I won a doorbell competition even though mine was missing.

They gave me the Nobel prize.

even though coffee is more acidic, all Starbucks coffee products have a pH of 14

Extremely basic

Even though Sea World is shut down, the animals still need to be taken care of

Obama answers the call for volunteers. On his first day, they assign him to feed the baby dolphins.

As he is doing so, another volunteer accosts him "Our country is in crisis. Don't you have anything better to do?"

He replied "I think I'm serving a youthful porpoise."

It's pretty sad that even though women have had the right to vote for 100 years now...

we still spend more time talking about mail ballots.

My wife always cooks Indian food for dinner, even though I hate it.

It's been a recurrying issue

Even Though it's been 20 years since my Grandfather choked to death on a piece of sushi

It's still pretty raw

I love public transport, even though I get excessively sweaty.

Also, I think I take my Train Simulation game too seriously.

My girlfriend wants to open a yoga studio, even though she currently cannot afford it.

I told her it's a bit of a stretch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever I tell my friends about something I’ve done I always seem to make myself out to be gay, even though I’m not

I just can’t get my stories straight

Even though I have an Engineering degree and I’ve re-wired my house to add updated lighting...

People are typically shocked when they find out I’m not a good electrician.

I know a real nerd, and even though he's given up his interest in farm machinery, he still sucks the atmosphere out of the room.

He's an ex-tractor fan.

I'm 45 and I can't get school shooting jokes even though I have lived in America my entire life

I asked my friend and he said it's probably because they are aimed at a younger audience

The Alabama Senate elections are in! And even though it was tight,

Roy Moore came in a little behind.

Mom I’m dark even though u r white, why?

American boy: Mom I’m dark even though u r white, why?


Mom: Listen son, Considering all mistakes n crazy things i had done in my youth, forget about you are Dark, just thank god that u don't bark!

I once knew this strange guy who was obsessed with his old girlfriend even though she had already moved on

He was really ex-centric

I think it’s getting more and more dangerous to drive even though cars are getting smarter.

Seems like every time I look up from my phone someone is trying to run into me.

I have a Russian friend who always asks me to try vodka even though I don't like it.

Well I guess if he insists so much, Soviet.

I failed the drivers test even though I stopped for the sign

I gave it plenty of time to cross, it's not my fault I hit it.

My son's kindergarten teacher is such a hardass, she failed him on his alphabet test even though he got 25/26.

He still doesn't know y.

How did the sniper get drunk even though he was nowhere near any alcohol?

It was those long distance shots

Even though there's a picture on the hand drier,

I have yet to receive my 3 strips of bacon

I asked the blonde why she had TGIF written on her shoes even though it's Monday.

She replied, "Toes Go In First".

Somebody today was explaining to me how the cryptocurrency market was changing, even though I already knew

It was a bit coin descending

So you know how sometimes you can't help but eat what's in front of you even though you know its bad?

Anyway I lost my job at the gynecologists today

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People wonder how my wife and I can still love our daughter even though she's a stripper

But she twerks for us

Even though I don't smoke cigarettes, I exclusively date women who do...

I figure if they're willing to suck on something that nasty, they'll suck just about anything.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart.
But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth.
6 respected 9, even thoug...

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A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you wou...

I just opened my own kosher hot dog stand in my neighborhood but business is suffering even though I've been told it's to die for.

So please support your local businesses and come on down to Anne's Franks. You won't regret it!

My anti-vax sister wouldn’t let me take my niece trick-or-treating, even though she had the perfect Halloween costume.

Stupid cemetery rules.

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately.

I wasn’t suited to be a tailor.

The muffler factory was just exhausting.

I couldn’t cut it as a barber.

I didn’t have the patience to be a doctor.

I wasn’t a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.

The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance...

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Even though she was a severe woman, I told my grandmother when my car got stolen...

She said, “if you’re looking for sympathy , you can find it in the dictionary between shit and syphilis”

What do you call someone who keeps trying to catch your interest even though you already said you're not interested several times?

Windows 10.

I Got a case for my iPhone even though the screen is already cracked

So basically it's like putting a condom on my kid's head.

People don't like the idea of me being given money even though I'm unemployed.

I think it's welfare.

Even though the nurse who performed my circumcision did a bad job...

I still left her a tip.

A young calf went to the deli’s by himself even though he was told to stay home.

He was grounded afterwards.

How can a Pb & Jelly sandwich make you sick even though you don't have a peanut allergy?

Lead poisoning

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I ended up becoming a prostitute as a result of a poor upbringing. Even though my parents weren’t rich...

I come from money.

Even though I'm a nerd, I don't really embrace the notion of complete and perfect knowledge of canon, but I'll admit I was pretty embarrassed when I lost all credibility in a discussion on Chewbacca when I inadvertently spelled it with a K.

It was a Wookie mistake.

Why were the orphans at the back of the adoption line happy even though they didn't get adopted?

They were endorphans.

Even though they did not show any spoilers in the Infinity War trailer we all know who dies...

... DCEU.

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So I got fired for eating chips at work, even though I’ve been stealing so many hearts of our customers.

Well fuck it, I hated being a casino croupier anyways.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I clean my dick for the same reason I polish my trophies:

I want them to look good even though they serve absolutely no purpose.

Even though it’s a surplus store, I’m pretty proud of myself for going into Costco and purchasing only ONE item.

A single package of 160 AA batteries.

I am a server, and normally I do my job like I should. I handle workload like a charm, even though I rarely sleep.

So today I couldn't handle it anymore, and broke down. Today I crashed, and corrupted 57 GB worth of websites.

I bought a scarecrow and even though it didn’t scare any crows , I still had to give it a great review on Amazon

Because it was just out standing

My husband keeps borrowing my kitchen utensils and using them as tools, even though he knows it makes me cross.

He says it's a whisk he's willing to take.

A boy asks his dad a question

A boy asks his dad "Why do they say gardeners have green thumbs,when their thumbs are not green?"

The dad replies,"It's just a saying son,It's like when somebody is caught stealing,they say they have been caught 'red handed',even though their hands is black."

My physics teacher told me that even though I may feel down, that there's always an upside in life

So she pushed me into the pool and begun the lesson on buoyancy.

I arranged a threesome last night

Had a good time even though there were two no-shows.

Men are four times more likely than women to commit suicide, even though women attempt it more.

So men are better at it!

\- George Carlin

There was a bus with 4 seats.

(Sorry for the poor construction of the joke. English is not my first language)

The conductor came in and began checking the tickets of the passengers.

He approached the lady sitting in the first seat. She didn't have a ticket. The conductor fined her 20$ even though the ticket cost 4...

Why does the National Football League deserve Tax-Exempt Status even though it generated at least $9 billion in revenue last season?

Because it is just as real as the other religions.

A blonde tries to go horseback riding even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into action. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to lose her grip and starts to slide in the saddle.

In terror,she grabs for the mane but can't seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms ...

A man in a bar is drinking whiskey and says: with what I have, I shouldn't be drinking so much...

Then he turns to the bartender and says: give me another one, even though... with what I have, I shouldn't be drinking so much.
As soon as he finishes drinking, he goes back to the bartender and asks for another whiskey, still murmuring: with what I have, I shouldn't be drinking so much.
A...

My son keeps talking to me in binary even though I ask him not to. What kind of boy is he?

A noughty one.

I don’t understand how in the movie Frozen, Anna didn’t know that Elsa had magical powers, even though she was locked in her room for years and refused to come out

After all, she was clearly giving Anna the cold shoulder

Socrates the philosopher

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"


"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It...

The Pope is visiting Canada.

After completing his visit, the Canadian government gives him a chauffeur-driven car to see the natural beauty of Canada. After 20 kilometers through Canada, he says to the driver:

"Oh, let me get behind the wheel. I'm from the narrow Papal States, and I always have to sit in the back of the...

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I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic.

A carload of Mexican cartel gang members pulled up next to me in their low-rider. Six sets of eyeballs set in faces covered with tattoos stared menacingly at me and there commenced some spirited discussion between the members and I seemed to be the subject of it. I was getting nervous and had just c...

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give t...

The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.

So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community?.

The law...

Thank you, thank you for always sticking up to me, thank you for always being there, thank you for always coming back to me even though I pushed you away and thank you for always sucking up to me.

Thank you mosquitoes!!!

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Bob was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting.

He traveled
up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on
his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.


The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That bear is my cousin, I’m going to give you two choices. Either I mau...

There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy. Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere they wanted, tradition dictated they stay on their tiny island home. Eventually, their king became frustrated and called a meeting of the tribe's elders...

He said he wanted them to figure out a way he could enjoy his wealth and stay within traditional guidelines.

After much consideration, the elders suggested he build a magnificent throne.

When he objected there was not enough room in his hut for a throne, the elders suggested he call ...

The Divorce Settlement

On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, he had the movers come to collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft background musi...

What do you call it when people try to make you to build a a platform supported on pillars or girders leading out from the shore into a body of water, used as a landing stage for boats even though you don’t want to?

Pier pressure

Four rabbis are having a debate

Four rabbis are debating scripture out in the garden, and one of them notices he's continuously outvoted by the other three even though he's absolutely certain he's right. At a certain point, his frustration gets the best of him and he stands up, raises his hands and and says "My Lord, you must know...

I took a class recently on the history of food preservation.

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some food...

What do incel and Excel have in common?

Both frequently assume that things are dates, even though they are not.

A confused young man was in a difficult situation. He couldn't decide whether to marry Kathryn or Edith. Even though he tried as hard as he could, he was unable to make up his mind. Not willing to give up either, he strung them along for far too long.

This indecision continued until both young women got tired of the situation and left him for good.


Moral of the story: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Most important body part..

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who is in charge.

Brain said "I should be incharge because I run all the body's systems. So without me, nothing would happen"

Blood said "I should be incharge because I circulate oxygen all over the body. Without me y...

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefu...

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