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English Class Jokes

During English class the teacher asks Little Johnny "have you ever heard of the word contagious before?"

"Of course miss" Johnny replies "my father actually said it when we were talking yesterday".

"Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence?"

"Yes, miss. We were watching the neighbour take his garbage out when his bin tipped over spilling rubbish all over ...

English Class!

Teacher:"One day our country will be corruption free", which tense is it?

Student: Future Impossible tense

I wrote a poem about communism for my English class

I had to share it with everyone

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In an English class...

Teacher: David, give me a sentence starting with "I."
David: I is...
Teacher: No, David. You must always say "I am."
David: Oh right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

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English Class

The third-grade teacher was teaching English and repeated for her class:

"Mary had a little lamb,

Whose fleece was white as snow.

And everywhere that Mary went,

The lamb was sure to go."

The teacher explained this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to p...

In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word “contagious”. Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.

- “Susan?”

- “I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!”

- “Very good. What about you, Johnny?”

- “Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it’s gonna take the contagious!”

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I lost my virginity during English class...

I hated being home schooled.

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Some good tips for your English class.

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It...

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Little Johnny is in English class...

And the teacher calls on the class. "Who can give me an example of a sentence using the word, 'Definitely'?"

Little Susie raises her hand, "The sky is definitely blue."

"Very good," replies the teacher, "but when it's nighttime the sky is black, and when it's raining the sky is grey. A...

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day.

"In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

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Hitler failed English class.

He was an anti-semantic.

In 8th grade english class I wrote a script titled "The Pun"

The very first set description in the script said that the stage was to be painted over with random words and phrases.


When I handed in the assignment, my teacher came up to me and asked: "Why is your script titled 'The Pun' and why is the floor covered with phrases?"

"Because m...

Computer Science major walks into an English class

The Professor says "Welcome to English 101".

The student panicks.

"What's wrong?" asks the Professor.

"I missed the first 4 English classes".

In English class I learned the word for when you take someone literally.

“Kidnapping”

Why did the Mexican fail English class?

Because he refused to turn in his essays

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Little Jonny was sitting at the rear of his English class

The teacher asked if anyone could give a sentence with the word indefinitely

Jonny sticks his hand high up in the air and says ‘pick me, pick me’ the teacher thinks to herself, he’s a rude little bastard, I’m not picking him and picks Mary

Mary stands up and says ‘My brother is really ...

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A guy in my English class was dissing my boy Oedipus.

So I said, "Well unlike you, he was unaware that he was fucking his mom."

...

I thought of this joke last night when I was supposed to be asleep. Someone tell me if this was already posted before.

I was in the shop looking for a new pencil for English class

2B or not 2B, that is the question

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A mexican boy in english class...

A mexican boy in english class passed a note to his friend. The teacher saw it, and screeched "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

To which he replied, "writing an esé"

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Chris Pratt, Jesus, and Hitler are sitting in a bar...

Jesus, Chris Pratt, and Hitler are sitting at a bar drinkin' a few brews.

Jesus says, "Hey we should all try and get in the Guinness Book of World Records!"

To which Chris Pratt replies, "Yeah, I bet I could get in it for most loved person in history."

Jesus then says, "and I be...

I didn't pay attention in English class so now I can't use contractions properly

But it's what it's.

I was crying in the English class when my friend came over.

Him : What's wrong man?

Me : I'm so bad at grammar! I keep failing all my tests.

Him : Their, they're, there...

I was in my English class the other day....

And I didn't understand the book that was in the curriculum.
So I made all my students write a 3 page report about it.

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Little Johnny never paid attention in English class.

The teacher, thinking he would catch Johnny off-gaurd, asked him a question to put him on the spot in front of the class.
"Johnny, can you give an example of a rhetorical question?"

Johnny responded, "Why don't you go fuck yourself?!"

One time in English Class our teacher asked us to make a sentence with the word “Dandelion”.

Carl says “The dandelion is beautiful.”
The Jamaican Transfer Student then says “The cheetah is faster DanDeLion.”

I was watching Star Wars in English Class

And a classmate says "metaphors be with you"

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"Let's start today's english class with the alphabet," says the teacher

"Who can give me a word beginning with the letter 'A'? "

"Asshole!" says Frank

"Frank! That's not a nice word!
OK then, who can give me a word beginning with the letter B?"

"Bastard!" says Susie!

"Susie! That's not a nice word!" Says the teacher, who now decides to mis...

I went to a tough school.

In English class, the teacher asked 'what comes after a sentence', and someone yelled out 'an appeal'.The science teacher asked the class how to prove the law of gravity. They threw her out the window."I tell you...at the football games, after our team sacked the quarterback, they went after his fam...

My mother died two weeks ago and my son hasn’t attended English classes since.

I think he’s missing gramma.

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It's English class and a female teacher asks students to give her example of a sentence which contains "just in a case" in it.

The first student raises his hand and responds:

\- "There is no ongoing war, but we still keep the army, just in case"

\- "Excellent! Anybody else?" - asks the teacher.

\- "There is no fire but we still keep the fireman, just in case" - answers the other student.

Vova rai...

An English teacher pulls his student aside after class and goes off on him.

Every time you forget to properly punctuate your work. Please, it's the hundredth time I've asked you, can't you get it through your thick skull? Seriously, it's not that hard. The last time I told you off was what, a day ago? Every time it's the same thing, the same mistakes. It's not a hard thing ...

Why did the illegal latinos all fail their English classes?

They didn't turn in their esés.

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On my first day at school, me and my twin sister were put in the same English class.

The teacher then asked everyone to give one interesting fact about themselves.

'I'm actually a twin, and me and Jem were born on the 23rd of February making us Pisces.' I said.

'Jem and I' responded the teacher.

'No, definitely Pisces' I said.

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The chicks at my junior highschool are awesome - today the hottest girl in my English class passed me a note saying she would blow me after school.

I fuckin love my new teaching job!

"How long should my essay be?"

Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.

He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."

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Mrs. Parker and Baroness Von Hildebrand

There's this woman, let's call her Mrs. Parker. She is on a flight from Frankfurt to London. She's tired, she's had a long day. She gets on the plane, goes to her seat in economy class, window seat. She makes herself comfortable and tries to get some sleep.

Another woman comes and sits next ...

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My sister had her first period.

She's doing a bloody good job in English class.

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Substitute English teacher

An English class for slower students was going through the dictionary as a months-long project, and is hoping to finish “S” soon.

One day the teacher, Mrs Smith, was about to move on to the next page. “Okay, the first word for today is s-“
She stopped mid sentence, froze up with her eyes...

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Little Johnny's Shakespeare assignment

So there's an English class, and each kid has to memorize a stanza of Shakespeare. Johnny's stanza reads as follows:

Hark! I think I heard a pistol shot.

Yonder lies a fair maiden with hope in her soul.

I think I'll snatch a kiss and sneak off into the woods.

By William S...

Is it because I'm black?

A black boy comes home from school. As he enters the house, he rushes up to his mom.

"Mommy, mommy" he says. "Today in English class the kids could recite the alphabet up to letter L, but I recited the whole alphabet up to Z. Is it because I'm black?"

"Why, yes honey" says his mom.
...

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Definitely

A third grade teacher is teaching her English class and calls on her students to use the word of the day in a correct sentence.


"Today's word is *definitely*. Suzy, can you use the word *definitely in a sentence?"


"The sky is definitely blue" responds Suzy.


"Actuall...

French Student

Pierre just came to the U.S. and was instructed in his English class to come up with a phrase or saying using 3 English words he heard over the next weekend. He first went to the zoo and his favorite animals were the zebras, so he decided to try to use that word in his sentence. While at the zoo, he...

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