UPJOKE
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Echoing Jokes

Even with 4 million subscribers, /r/jokes sounds like a big empty hall.

I can hear jokes echoing again and again.

A Jewish Man, Killed in the Holocaust, Rises to Heaven. Once there, he Tells God a Holocaust Joke.

God contemplates the joke briefly before echoing out in a thunderous voice:

“THAT’S NOT FUNNY!”

The man simply shrugs:

“I guess you had to be there.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe the janitor reports for his first night of work at a funeral home.

One of his first tasks is to sweep and mop the embalming room floor while the embalmer is eating dinner. Joe is alone in the room, out of curiousness he looks under the sheet covering a corpse on the embalmers table. The body lays face down. With a giant cork protruding from the rectum. Joe taps on ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oldie but goodie.

There once was a small town, plagued with Foo birds. These were small but loathsome things. Harbingers of death, these birds were. Wherever they poo’d there would be death. The townsfolk were afraid to walk under trees and power lines, in case they became a Foo bird’s next victim.

Well one d...

Three men are in a hot-air balloon

Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I've got an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far."

So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" (They ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One Saturday night, John and William conspired to steal a crate of rolls from the baker

As they wondered where to take their stolen loot, John suggested the cemetery, as no clear headed person would dare to take a Saturday night stroll among the graves.

Upon arriving at this questionable hangout, the gate proved to be quite a cumbersome obstacle to overcome. In the mad scramble ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A German soldier, Japanese soldier, and Italian soldier...

A German soldier, Japanese soldier, and Italian soldier are POWs in an allied camp during WWII. They are in their cells and agree not to talk while being interrogated by their captors.

The German soldier is taken first. The other two hear blood curdling screams of pain and within minutes the...

Meditation

[A bit dry : p]

One day, as he did everyday an old yogi was meditating in a cave.

A hungry traveller passing by noticed him in the cave sitting by a fire.

The traveler hoping for a bite to eat shouts into the echoing cave "Hello there!!"

The yogi being very disciplined, k...

An old couple celebrate their 50th anniversary at a restaurant...

...that they used to regularly go on dates to. It was a particularly fancy establishment and a few drinks into their visit, the elderly husband stood from his seat, looks around and asks his wife, "Do you think we should go behind this place and relive our first time here, like against the fences?"<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Your gorilla joke reminded me...

A guy walks in to a bar. He sits down and orders a drink. After a few drinks, he and the bartender start talking about cars, family, and life in general - really hitting it off.

So the bartender says, "Hey bud, you want to see something really great?"

"Yeah, sure man. What is it?" ...

There once was a man named Ulf, and he was the meanest Viking in all the land.

Time after time he proved his temperament, and so obnoxious was he that the world knew him as Rude Ulf.

Despite his prowess, the village soon found him unbearable, and even his mother had not a kind thing to say.

Amidst pleas and cries for Rude Ulf’s exile, the chief gave him an ultima...

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