UPJOKE

Eating Grass Jokes

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A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two women along the roadside eating grass.

A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two women along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one women, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor women replied. "We have to eat gras...

Saw a homeless man eating grass in the park

I asked him "Why are you eating grass?"

He said "I am very hungry"

I replied "Oh, okay then. Come with me."

You should've seen his face when I showed him my backyard.

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A successful businessman is driving home and sees another man on the sidewalk eating grass.

He stops and asks, "Hey! Why are you eating grass?"

The man replies, "I'm out of money, I lost my job and I haven't eaten in three days! Grass is my only option."

The businessman thinks for a few second and says, "You know what, why don't you come with me to my house."

The man, ...

Two cows are eating grass in a field

The first turns to the second and says "Moooooo"

The second turns to the first and says "I was just about to say that"

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Nikita Khrushchev sees his driver eating grass.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Sir, with the wages you've given me i can only feed my kids."

Khrushchev triples his wage.

Stalin's driver overheard this and decides to bite away at his lawn with a passion to elicit Stalin's empathy.

"What the hell are you doing?"
...

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One afternoon a lawyer is riding in his limousine

While on his ride, he notices 2 men on the side of the road eating grass. He stops, concerned a bit to talk to the 2 men.

He gets out of his limousine and goes up to one of the men and asks "Hey man, why are you eating grass?

Man 1: Well, you see, when your homeless and have nothing t...

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A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.

The teacher says, "What's this?"

The kid says, "A picture of a cow eating grass."

The teacher asks, "Where's the grass?"

The kid says, "The cow ate it all."

"Ok, then where's the cow?"

"It left because there was no more grass."

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Putin is being driven down the street in his limo

And he sees a family on the side of the road eating grass. He tells his driver to pull over and he gets out of the limo and approaches the husband. "What are you doing? Why is your family eating grass?"he asks. "Oh, Mr President," the man says "Since the war in Ukraine began I've been thrown out of ...

A rich man was driving in his Cadillac when he sees a poor man eating grass on a hill

“What are you doing” - Says the rich man.

“I have 3 days without food for me and my family, so the grass on this hill is our last resource”

“Daaaammmm, say no more, get in” -Says the rich man, exited.

“Ohhh, thank you very much. Do you mind if I tell to my wife and 2 kids about...

So, I was driving home from work and I noticed this man at the side of the road eating grass on the verge. On the verge of throwing-up, maybe...

Anyway, I pulled up next to him and said "What are you doing man?" he replied "I'm starving".

I told him "Now, listen- there is no need to do that here. You can come to my house and eat as much as you like.".

He said "But I have a wife" so I said "that's fine she can come along too- f...

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Stalin's driver asks him for a raise

One day; while walking to his car - comrade Krushchev comes upon his driver, eating grass.

"What are you doing?" "Don't you have any food to eat?" "I pay you a monthly salary!"

The driver responds; "Comrade Krushchev, i can barely feed my family with that money. Please! I'm begging you...

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Jake goes to an auction and bids the highest on Dave's painting of a Horse eating grass.

The painting is to be delivered to Jake's house by next day.

Jake receives the painting next day and uncovers it. To his surprise, the so called painting is just a empty white paint board. There was no art on it.

Jake, paying $100,000 for the painting, panics and calls Dave to get some...

A farmer takes his pigs to the breeder

A farmer one day decides he’d like to multiply his pigs but only has two sows, so he takes them to a farm a ways away with some impressive hogs to breed them with.

He gets there on the first day and after the deed is done he asks the other farmer “Say, how will I know it worked” to which the...

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A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.

After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

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A lawyer is riding in the back of his stretch limousine...

...when he sees two homeless men standing at the side of the road, eating grass. He gets his driver to pull over, then rolls his window down and leans out.

"Why are you two eating grass?" he asks.

"We have no money for food," the first homeless man replies.

The lawyer shakes his...

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When I was 12, I lived with my abusive uncle and auntie

We lived on an old farm, no animals just fields.

My uncle goes off to a market and comes back with this filthy ass horse.

Says it's bred from some old bloke's prize stallion.

Auntie loves it for some reason, coz it's all muddy she calls it "Dirty". She was a bit weird l...

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A lawyer saw a bunch of homeless people eating grass... He goes over and asks them why are they doing that and they tell him that they are homeless and have nothing to eat. Eager to help them out he escorts them to his mansion.. They are very happy and thankful.. He takes one look at them, smiles

And tells them "this is my yard, eat as much as you want, i won't charge you."

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There's this farmer, and he has this pig...

A prize winning sow, and he wants to breed her. His neighbor tells the farmer he has a stud pig, he'd be happy to accommodate. Guaranteed impregnation, the neighbor assures him. The farmer agrees.

The next morning the farmer loads the pig into his truck, drives her up the road to the neighbor...

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A walk in the woods…

A couple were on a blind date and they decided to take a walk in the woods. After some casual banter they started to feel more and more comfortable with each other and they started to feel a little frisky. They decided to sneak off the path into a dark grove of trees. After finding a good spot, the...

A couple is walking through a dark forest...

Soon enough, they feel the need to get frisky and get down to business.

The guys goes down and stays down there for a while, after which he says “I wish I had a flashlight, it is so dark” to which she says “I wish you had a flashlight as well...You’ve been eating grass for the last ten minute...

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Four facts about women that prove they can do miracles.

1. They can get wet without taking a shower.
2. Bleed without being hurt.
3. Producing milk without eating grass.
4. Making boneless meat hard.

Upstanding bulls

A herd of cows and two bulls are eating grass out in the pasture.
Suddenly, a great gust of wind comes ripping across the prairie and knocks all the cows to the ground. But, the bulls just sway in the wind and continue eating.
When the wind quiets down, the cows stand up, brush off the dirt, a...

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Two goats on top of a hill...

There are two goats on top of a hill eating grass. One says to the other I wish this was the kind of grass that gets you high. The other says did we not just climb this hill?

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Pupil shows art for teacher

A pupil came and showed something that he draw. He said that he drawed a cow eating grass. The teacher said: But there's nothing there! Then the pupil said: It's because the cow ate all the grass and went away to look for some more grass.

*Excuse my grammar, not perfect at english*

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Man released from prison.

A man, who was imprisoned for 30 years, gets released from prison. 30 years, and all he could think about, was having sex, as he loved sex before going to prison. He makes up his mind, and tells himself "The first thing I see, whatever it may be, I will have sex with". As soon as he leaves prison, h...

A stupid joke that my mum tells me a lot

So there are two cows eating grass in a paddock. One cow looks up and says "moo". The other cow says "hey, I was gonna say that!"

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An aboriginal son asked his dad how they come up with names for their children.

The father replied.
"Well you see son, when your sister was born I looked out of the tipi and I saw a deer eating grass so I named her Grazing Deer. When your brother was born I looked out of the tipi and saw an eagle flying so I named him Soaring Eagle. Why do you ask Two Dogs Fucking?"

A man spends a fortune on a horse that is supposed to be an amazing stallion

A man spends a fortune on a horse that is supposed to be an amazing stallion. He is told the horse will impregnate 20-30 fermale horses.

He brings the horse to his farm, but the horse is not doing anything, just sleeping and eating grass all day.

Some time after he meets with an old fr...

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I wish you did too

A man and woman exit a bar. They are really wanting to have sex and seeing as how it is to bright in front of the bar, they cross the street and go far back into the woods until they can't see any of the lights. Stripping down they get right to it. After twenty minutes, the guy stops and declares "I...

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