Earthquak Jokes

Not enough to save his family after the earthquake collapsed his house.

RIP woodchuckers

Two elderly men met in a town in Florida, and began to talk to each other. It turned out both of them were from Oregon, and had owned small factories, and had now retired and moved to Florida.

"I had a factory that produced high-end furniture," said the first man. "Was successful for many yea... read more

He argues with them for over an hour before he says

Rabbi John: Alright you three think you're right and I think I'm right. Let's ask God.

The four men walk outside to a cliff, and John shouts to the sky


Rabbi John: God if I'm right send me a sign!


Storm clouds ... read more

One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "Earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and lo... read more

Develop Parkinsons.

Because it’s crack-a-lackin’

You get an earthquake

A maraca band

Milkshake.

And, as fate would have it, he happened to be in the Impressionist gallery when an earthquake struck. The walls began to shake, and, instinctively, he stuck out his limbs to try to secure himself. When the dust had settled, he found himself stepping on a painting of several dancers, which was precar... read more

One yells, "tornado!" and runs away.

Another one yells, "Earthquake!" and runs away.

The last one yells, "fire!" and gets shot.

that I start shaking uncontrollably

He is shaken but not stirred.

One day, there is a massive earthquake and you and a few of your friends are killed. You want to hang around for a while to check on your family before you go up to heaven. When you get up there, God says, "For being one hour late, you have to spend eternity cleaning my palace." One of your friends ... read more

it was all san andreas fault

Well actually, three thousand people were killed in California in the 1906 earthquake. That was San Andreas's fault.

It was grounded

Van der Waals start shaking.

A kid then says, “well that would be a weird flex but ok”

An earthquake on a rainy day.

I told her it was her fault.

I shook my head and told him his argument is on shaky ground.

All of a sudden, an earthquake occurs. The mantle asks the crust "Why the hell did you do that?!"

The crust replies "Eh, I got a lot on my plate"

During an earthquake, coffins double in function as human maracas.

Some people call it a massacre

Ben was the first up, the general would give the command to his soldiers to shoot. “Ready..Aim...” Then Ben suddenly shouted “EARTHQUAKE!!” All the soldiers hid for cover and Ben escaped. Dan was next. “Ready...Aim...” Then Dan Screamed “TSUNAMI!!” The soldiers hid for cover again and they lost Ben ... read more

An earthquake.

Amal Shookup

It is actually the San Andreas's fault.

Your mom slipped over it.

But a few snakes were rattled.

I guess he didn’t understand the magnitude of the situation.

Because all the giant tsunamis caused by the giant earthquakes can put out the giant fires

Death by Default

For example:

- Chicago Fire (Soccer)
- Colorado Avalanche (Hockey)
- Kansas City Tornadoes (Basketball)
- San Jose Earthquakes (Soccer)
- Miami Hurricanes (Football)
- New York City Jets (Football)

Original joke taken from a comment by u/toastytreats

One day a local scientist named Steve was sent a mysterious email. The email read:

Steve I know who you are, and where you live. My name must remain anonymous, so as of now you may refer to me as "Somebody". Steve I contact you because my independent studies have discovered a massive earthqua... read more

in a stationary store.

It’s always her fault.

I'm pretty shaken up about it

Method of execution: Firing squad

The brunette was up, the gunmen readied their weapons, the captain started the countdown ... 3...2...1

The brunette exclaimed : "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

The gunmen were terrified! Fearing their impending doom at the face of such a natural phenomenon, the... read more

From my 6 yr old...

What did the earthquake say to the person?

It wasn't my fault!

Because they’re always moving plates

What do you call people in a earthquake?





***SHOOK***

It shook me up a little bit.

Sorry, that’s a bad ice breaker.

How many is in a Brazilian?

A Shakesperience

It was the earth’s fault

Around 3000 people died.

The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.

England gave medicine.

France sent food.

Germany made huge donations.

USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock

The first one is told to get in front and the marshal count down. 3! 2! 1! The prisoner shouts TORNADO and points behind the soldiers. When the soldiers turn around the prisoner runs away.

The marshal isn’t pleased and orders the second prisoner to the line. He counts down 3! 2! 1! The priso... read more

The day of the execution came, and the firing squad leads the men to the execution grounds.

 

Now, this firing squad was rather well-known to be the most gullible group around, and it’s due to this knowledge that the first man started to hatch a cunning plan to escape.

... read more

It wasn’t his fault

All that stupid faulty logic.

Djibouti shakes!

The brunette was dragged, kicking and screaming, to the wall and blindfolded. In desperation, she screamed "TORNADO!". The soldiers, caught by surprise, dropped their guns and covered their heads. The brunette tore off her blindfold and bolted to freedom out of the encampment.

By and by, the ... read more

The shake weight.

Milk shakes

Their houses are always stable

There were 3 prisoners: Prisoner A, Prisoner B and Prisoner C.

They were going to be shot by soldiers on top of a cliff.

So the first day, it was the Prisoner A. He was taken to the cliff and the soldiers asked, "Any last words?" Prisoner A yelled, "TYPHOON!" so the soldiers ran and l... read more

is it murder by de*fault*?

...I was shaking.

Because they are always in your doorway.

They committed a crime and have been sentenced to death. The women are instructed to say when they are ready for the firing squad to shoot and kill them. The brunette is called up. She says, "Ready, aim, tornado!" Afraid of an approaching funnel cloud, the police quickly turn around and the brunette... read more

That wasn't my fault.


Courtesy of my 11 year old daughter.

Earthquakes

Two million Muslims are confirmed dead and another million are injured. President-elect Trump, wanting to help as much as possible, is sending back two million replacement Muslims.

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.
-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
-The rest of the world ... read more

The North seismologist says: "why didn't you see the earthquake coming?!"

The South seismologist says: "It's not my Fault!"

So, all the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst.

* Hurricane blew the others away.
* Earthquake shook things up pretty badly.
* Flooding was a bit of a wash.
* Blizzard almost buried the rest.
* Sinkhole's campaign totally collapsed.
* Meteor made a dee... read more

I've been really stressed out lately, I know it's not your fault, but please stop cracking jokes about me

Guy bursts into a dentist's office and says "HEY, listen here buddy, you have to help me NOW: my teeth are SO sensitive they can sense impending EARTHQUAKES" the dentist looked at him sternly for a moment and said "you've got some nerve"