UPJOKE

Drunk Friend Jokes

Two drunk friends were talking in a bar.

Men 1: Yesterday my wife ran away with my best friend Mike.

Man 2: Since when was Mike your best friend?

Man 1: Since yesterday.

My drunk friend got kicked out of Karaoke for singing “Danger Zone” 7 times in a row.

He had exceeded the maximum number of Loggins attempts.

Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.

The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and ...

Three drunk friends decided to take a taxi after a night of drinking.

Bobby, Tony, and Bougart all rode at the back of the taxi and ordered the driver to drive them home one by one.

The taxi driver had an idea for a quick buck since all of his passengers are dead drunk. He started the engine and just waited for 10 seconds and turned it off again. He told to t...

Late night we were driving home when one of my drunk friends was cracking jokes

I died laughing. Don't drink and drive.

Man to Drunk Friend: You'd better take a cab home.

Drunk Friend: My wife won't let me bring it into the house.

3 Drunk Friends

3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two drunk friends are sitting at a bar when one suddenly spews all down his shirt...

"Oh No" he cries, wiping his mouth. "My wifsh gonna fucking kill me!"
"Nah, Nah. Don't sweat it." pipes up drunk 2. "Jush put $20 in your shirt pocket and tell her some sick bastard spewed all over you but gave you money to cover the cleaning."
"Thatsh fuggin brilliant. I'll do that" and stagg...

A man finds his friend drunk at a bar

His drunk friend is staring intensely at his soup.

"Hey buddy, what's up? You ok?"

"Nah man -slurs his friend drunkenly-, this soup man, it won't let me eat it"

"What do you mean?"

"It just won't let me eat it! It's impossible to eat!"

"I'm sure you can eat it if ...

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A Mexican, a Spaniard and an American are all travelling in a plane

When suddenly, the plane crashed onto a small island. The three emerged from the crash remains and noticed they're the only survivors.

They quickly organized and started gathering materials to survive when suddenly, a group of native cannibals surrounded them with spears and took them to the...

Two drunk people are walking down a road.

The first one says, "What a beautiful night...look at that bright, full moon." The second man stops and looks at his drunk friends. "You fool, that's the sun, not the moon", he mumbles. Soon, they start arguing.

As they are arguing, they pass by another drunk man. They both stop his ask him,...

Drink Driving

I was driving on a highway in Singapore and a random roadblock was spotted there. Prior to driving past, I dropped a drunk friend.

As I drove slowly for my turn to pass, I decided to do this.

Officer: Sir, random check. (Sniffed) sir please park to the side.

Me: OK.

Offi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's the 1950s, and four Russians come to Moscow after a long trip...

They check in a hotel; Ivan is trying to sleep, while his three friends start drinking and talking. Ivan asks them to stop several times, but they just ignore him.

Soon, they get really drunk and start telling political jokes; they laugh so noisily after each one that Ivan, really pissed off ...

A drunk man was looking confused at a hand mirror

"I've seen this person before" he said.
His drunk friend grabbed the mirror from his hand to take a look "That's me you dumbass".

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