UPJOKE

Driving Me Nuts Jokes

My kids were driving me nuts one day so I got some tranquilizers and sure enough, right on the bottle, it says:

Warning! Keep Away From Children

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Pirate walks into a bar

(The funniest joke my friend told me, hope it hasn't been posted here before)

A Pirate enters a bar and goes to the bartender to ask for a drink.

The bartender eyes the pirate and asks him how he ended up looking like that.

"Ah you must mean the peg-leg, me lad. 'Tis a fine tale...

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants

Bartender: "Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"

Pirate: "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!"

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A pirate walks into the doctors office with a steering wheel on his penis

The Doctor asks "Sir, doesn't that hurt?"
and the Pirate replies "Aye, it be driving me nuts!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All this coronavirus talk is driving me nuts!

I'm going batshit crazy!

so a pirate walks into a bar

The pirate's walking oddly, the bartender looks at him, says 'Do you realize you have a steering wheel in your pants?' Pirate replies, 'Aye, it's driving me nuts!'

A guy goes to a psychiatrist to see about his strange dreaming...

"doctor I'm dreaming everynight about a soccer tournament for ants. It's on everynight. They went though a group stage, a knockout phase and its the only thing I'm dreaming about the last week, it's driving me nuts."

so the doctor says: "well, that's easy, just take this medicine before going...

A pirate walks into a bar

With a steering wheel on his belt buckle.

Bartender: "Oi pirate! What's with the steery thingy on ye belt?"

Pirate: "Yarr it's driving me nuts!" "Also it's me cake day so please don't be swabbing me in the blue cheese for the bad jokes"

I made an attempt!

So this pirate walks into the bar...

A pirate wearing a steering wheel steps into the local watering hole, sits down and says "Aye let me get a ice cold Budweiserrrrrr" Bartender says "excuse me sir, are you aware you have a giant steering wheel in your trousers? Pirate: .." Rrrrr, yeah, it driving me nuts!"

THE crowded restaurant had a sign reading

“Not Responsible for Personal Items”, so Larry kept checking on his belongings.

Finally his friend said, “Larry, you’re driving me nuts. Stop watching our coats.”

“I’m only watching mine,” Larry said. “Yours was stolen half an hour ago.”

Yesterday I saw...

Went to the drugstore to purchase some asprin. I saw a short irishman and he had a giant steering wheel in his pants. I said, "What the hell is that a steering wheel?"

He said, "Ooooooweee and its driving me nuts."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife's been telling me lately about how sex is so much more exciting on holiday

It's driving me nuts, she keeps sending me postcards

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I hope your butt has a license

Because just looking at it is driving me nuts

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I saw a bloke at the beach with a steering wheel on his Willy

I said ‘mate, you know you’ve got a steering wheel on your knob’

He said ‘yeah, it’s driving me nuts’

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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his member.

He tells the bartender to give him a shot of his strongest rum in a dirty glass. The pirate drinks it and breaks the glass against the wall.

The bartender knows to keep his distance from the angry pirate, until he calls him over and demands another shot of rum in a dirty glass. The pirate thr...

A trucker died in Ireland. A local snack entrepreneur gave a touching speech at the funeral.

“He was driving me nuts alright until the bloody car crash.”

A joke my granpda tells to me every time I see him

A pirate walks into a bar and sits down. He orders a drink. The bartender gives him the drink and says "sir do you know there's a steering wheel in your pants" the pirate replies "yarr, its driving me nuts"

A guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel over his crotch.

The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the steering wheel?"

The man replies, "It's none of your business"

The bartender asks again, "Come on, tell me"

The man replies, "I told you it's none of your business"

The bartender pleads one more time, "You have to tell me whats wi...

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Pastor Pete looks out his window after prayers one morning and he sees old Captain Salty stumbling down the road zig-zagging back back and forth.

"Hey, you crusty old pirate," Pastor Pete yelled. "What are doing drunk already? It's not even seven a.m."

"Let me tell, ye, ye nosy busy body," Captain Salty replied, "I haven't had a drink in over twelve hours!"


"Is that so?" asked Pastor Pete. "I hope your sea legs are better...

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A man begins to suspect he has a tapeworm, so he goes to the doctor...

The doctor examines him and confirms that yes, he does have a tapeworm. "And it's a pretty wily one, too. Every time I try to yank it out, it just darts away. I'm gonna have to resort to more unorthodox methods..."

The man doesn't like the sound of that, but he's desperate to get rid of the p...

A pirate walks into a bar...

A pirate walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The barkeep obliges, brings a drink for the pirate, and he notices there is a steering wheel in the pirates pants.

The barkeep was too curious to not inquire what was going on. "Excuse me sir, can I ask why there is a steering wheel in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old sailor walks into a bar with his penis stuck in the hole of a steering wheel.

The bartender remarks on the unusual sight:

”Are you aware that you have your dick stuck in a steering wheel?”

The sailor replies:

”Aye, ah know, matey! It’s driving me nuts!”

I went to dinner and there was a man dressed as a pirate at the bar (long)

I had to find out what the deal was with this guy so I sat down next to him.

We talked for a while and then eventually he turned towards me and that's when I noticed he had a ship steering wheel sticking right out of his pants.

I tried listening to his story but it was too distract...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pirate walks into McDonalds.

This pirate has a steering wheel between his legs, but doesn't seem to notice. As he places his order, the employee at the register keeps glancing at it awkwardly. Finally, as the pirate finishes ordering, the employee says "Sir, are you aware there's a steering wheel between your legs?" The pirate ...

A man walks into his doctor's surgery and says "Doc, I'm experiencing some discomfort downstairs"

The Doctor takes a look and says "well I think I see the problem - you've got a steering wheel in your pants".

The man says "Thanks doc! It was driving me nuts!"

A Pirate Walks Into a Bar

The bartender immediately sees the man has an eyepatch and peg leg, but notices something strange.

The man has a steering wheel right on his crotch.

Bewildered, the bartender asks, "I understand the eyepatch and peg leg, but what's with the steering wheel on your crotch?"

The pi...

A joke for pirate day.

A pirate ship's first mate comes up to the deck to find the ship's (steering) wheel missing. The first mate rushes to the captain of the ship, only to find the wheel in his pants.

The first mate asks, "Captain, did you know the ship's wheel is in your pants?"

"Aaarrrh," the pirate cap...

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