UPJOKE

Drinking Too Much Jokes

You know what they say about drinking too much tequila...

Can't remember.

Do I Drink Too Much

A man goes to the doctor and says “I think I may be drinking too much.” The doctor says “Well, how many days a week do to drink?” The man says “Honestly, 4 or 5 days per week.” The doctor says “Well, that’s not healthy, but that’s not too bad.” The man says “that’s good to hear. By the way, I al...

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Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much...

It scared the shit out of me.
So today I decided I'm never reading again.

If drinking too much alcohol makes me an alcoholic

Does drinking too much Fanta make me fantastic?

Lately I've been drinking too much cider

My friends call me an appleholic

Drinking too much

Every night a guy would come home blitzed out of his mind and puke in the kitchen sink.

His wife grew tired of this and always berated him, "Johnny! One of these nights you are going to come home and puke your guts out!!"

He doesn't listen so she decides to put a chicken's worth of chi...

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So, a very muscular white man seems like he's drinking too much..

He's a regular at this bar, so the bartender, Jerry, knows him well. The man keeps pounding back shots, one after another.

"Come on Jerry, another one and I can run around the block."

Jerry pours another, and the man throws it back

"Man, just one more and I can run a whole mara...

Did you hear about the Native American who died from drinking too much tea?

They found him dead in his tea pee.

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I was worried my doctor would tell me I was drinking too much alcohol.

Surprisingly, he said I should drink more.

I jumped up and screamed "Fuck yeah!"

He said "...water. Please don't interrupt."

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Horse went to a bar and started drinking beer. He ended up drinking too much beer.

He then accidentally spilled beer of another guy sitting next to him. He apologized and said he’s gonna buy beer for him. The guy agreed. Horse had already ran out of money though. So he hides behind the counter and silently pissed on the glass and fills it up. He gives the glass to the man.
Af...

What kind of exercise do you do after drinking too much Starbucks?

Pilates.

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A man's wife is going to kick him out of the house for drinking too much.

Joe and his friends frequent one bar in town a lot and his wife hates it. She thinks he drinks entirely too much and it is causing a problem in their marriage . After one particularly long bender Joe ends up puking all over himself before he stumbles back home.


Joe wakes up to his wife sc...

Bob calls his job foreman on Monday morning and says “I cannot come to work today. I’m a very sick man”.

The foreman replies “this is 2 Monday’s in a row that you’ve called out saying you’re sick. Do you have a drinking problem?”

Bob responds “I’m not an alcoholic. But my brother in law is. And for the last few weeks he’s been drinking too much and hitting my sister. So she comes to my house to ...

A man comes home from work...

..., sits in his lazyboy in front of the TV and rudely tells his wife, 'Gimme a beer before it starts.'
She gives him his beer.
About 15 minutes later, he says again, 'Gimme a beer before it starts.'
She does.
A few minutes later, he asks again for a beer.
The wife says, 'Don't you th...

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As I settled down on my friend’s couch for the night, he asked me...

“So your wife kicked you out for drinking too much on a fishing trip and sticking your dick in a net?”

“No” I replied sullenly. “Annette”

One Valhala morning

But more to the point, it was the morning after the night before; a night given over to drinking too much mead to wash down copious amouts of wild boar and other delights in celebration of Odin's most recent victory.

The God of Thurnder awoke. Feeling quite pleassed with himself after last ni...

A pea, a lemon, and a potato went to the bar

A pea, a lemon, and a potato all went out to the bar after work. They all had a couple of drinks and had a merry time. The potato, being made entirely of starch, didn't get drunk at all, let alone tipsy. The lemon, being citrus, didn't feel very good after the second drink. The pea, being very small...

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A guy dies and goes to Hell

And Satan comes up to him and says, "Hey, welcome to Hell! Let me show you around - now just to let you know we have a very strict schedule around here and I'm going to explain it to you. It's really not so bad down here, all the burning in hellfire stuff is just propaganda. Each day is devoted t...

A man said to me, "Man, I was so wasted last night I went home and blew chunks!"

I said, "most people are sick after drinking too much."

"No, you don't understand." he replied. "Chunks is my pitbull."

My dad's joke.

'Did you know there were Female hormones in beer?'

Because, if you start drinking too much.
You don't have the ability to drive, and you get fat.

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A Greek, a Jew, and an Irishman are accidentally killed by a bus.

An angel descends and tells them "Actually, there's been a mistake. It wasn't your time to die. We will let you come back to life, but you must promise to renounce your vices."

To the Irishman, the angel said, "Your vice is drinking too much. You can come back to life as long as you stop drin...

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A man loses his penis in an industrial accident.

He wakes up in the hospital the next day. Upon hearing the news that the organ was unsalvagable the man was devastated.

"Doc, is there nothing you can do?"

The doctor explains that conventional medicine can do nothing for him. However, he adds, there is an experimental treatment. The ...

A man goes to a bar with his friend after a day of work.

After a couple of beer, the man pukes on his jacket.

Man : Damn, my wife will kill me when she knows I puked on myself for drinking too much!

Friend : Hey, I got an idea.... put a $20 bill in the pocket of your jacket. Tomorrow, when your wife sees the mess, tell her that I puked on yo...

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