UPJOKE

My father is a very down to earth type person

Buried 6 feet deep

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Thor came down to Earth from Asgard

Thor goes to a singles bar to have a drink, and sees a beautiful girl he'd like to make love to. He goes over to buy her a drink, and she has a slight speech impediment, but Thor doesn't care because she is so beautiful and sexy.

They leave the bar, and go to her apartment, and proceed to hav...

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After a 2000 year absence, the Virgin Mary takes a trip down to earth.



After a couple of days, she calls back to heaven. "Hi Peter, this is the Virgin Mary. I met a man." Peter says to her, "That's not bad. This is how it is down on earth."

The next day she calls back to heaven. "Hi Peter, this is the Virgin Mary. I kissed the man. Is that bad?" Pe...

So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask...

Anti-vaxx kids are so down to earth

Hell, some are even in the earth!

A dangerous looking space ship comes down to earth

The aliens take over all radio, tv and other technologies to broadcast a message

Alien: “we are a dangerous species from the planet Pluto”

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*all humans start to chuckle under their breath*

Bubba Joe is a down to earth farm boy from East Texas and falls in love with a girl

After some time, they decide to get married, but before that can happen his fiance tells him that he must become christian. Now Bubba Joe was never really religious but he really loves this girl and heads off to the local catholic church and asks the priest if he can become a parishioner. The priest...

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One day god comes down to earth to tell Adam and Eve that he has 2 gifts for them.

He says "The first gift is the ability to pee standing."
"Yes, yes, yes! I'll take that one! Says Adam.
Adam, happy with the gift of the penis, starts running and jumping around, peeing on everything.
Eve then asks God, "If that was the first gift, what is the second?"
"Brains, Eve. Brai...

Jesus and Saint Peter come down to earth to see how things are going.

After traveling all day through the universe they arrive after dark near an old farmhouse.

Not wanting to freak out the farmer, they decide to sleep in the barn.

Jesus says to Peter, ”I am going to sleep upstairs in the hayloft and you stay down here. And when you are comfortable, si...

I'd say I'm a down to earth guy...

but that's mostly because of gravity...

So there was this alien who came down to earth

An alien came down to earth and wanted to know how to act. He first stopped by a recording studio, where he heard someone singing “me me ME me me me...”
The alien then repeated, sing slightly off-key “me me ME me me me...”
The next place he went to was a fast food place, where he heard the cas...

Seems like Harrison Ford is really down to earth

Too early?

So Thor hears about the other gods coming down to Earth for a good time ...

and decides to try it out for himself.

Meets a girl in bar and they get hot and heavy all night. At the end, he decides to tell her how he's honoured her: "I am Thor!"

And the girl says: "You're thor? I'm tho thor I can't pith."

I have never met a little person that is egotistical.

They are all pretty down to earth.

i made this up as a kid or seen it on the internet or smth...idk it is funny

3 aliens come down to earth...examining earth and humans on this planet. They wanted to interact with the species so they agreed to split up.

The first alien went to a classroom at a school. He was surrounded by a lot of kids Yelling the word 'ME ME ME' repeatedly as the kids were jumping up...

The amount of short people with anger issues has always striken me as weird

Specially considering that they are the ones that should be more down to earth

What do you call a humble miner?

A really down to earth person

An Email from God

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His best angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.

When she returned she told God, yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is ...

Why didn't John Denver ever have trouble getting a date?

Because he was a plane down to Earth guy.

A man named Joke

Once upon a time in ancient times, there was a man named Joke. He lived a long and prosperous life, happily married to his wife and having three children.

In the culture that they lived in, most believed that when a person died, a new star was born in the sky for them. However, Joke did not ...

I'm Thor!

One day, while looking upon the world from his perch high upon Valhalla, Thor is starting to feel his oats. To put it more bluntly, it's been a while since he's been laid.

He jumps down to earth and sees a comely farm girl. No words are spoken-- he just sweeps her off her feet and they make w...

3 Alien leaders are discussing the fate of humanity

After a successful invasion of earth, the leaders of the armada joined together to discuss the ruling of the planet. Each of the leaders had a different idea on how what they should do with the surviving humans.

"These humans are dangerous," said the first. "We all know the losses we took to ...

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An Irishman, a Greek, and a Jew die and stand at the gates of heaven

The keeper of the gates tells them "Well, you have all lived pretty decent lives, but you all fall victim to your respective stereotypes. So here's what's going to happen. You all will go back down to earth for 24 hours and you must avoid your weaknesses.
"Irishman, alcohol cannot touch your lips...

God Wants To Go On Vacation

"Hmm, How about Venus?" An angel says

"No! It's way too hot there I need some place better" says God.

The angels face than lights up when he says "I've got it! How about you go down to Earth?"

God than chuckles and says "Are you kidding? Im not going down there. 2000 years ago...

Trying to fly a kite.

A husband in his backyard is trying to fly a kite.
He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth.
He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, Muttering to he...

Pope Francis knocks on heaven's gate

Pope Francis knocks on heaven's gate after his death. Saint Peter opens the door, looks at him and says: "Welcome to live after death. What is your name?" The pope is slightly irritated and answers: "I am the pope." "Pope who?", Peter asks. "Pope Francis, you should know who I am!" the pope says, a ...

A nun was fired from her job in heaven...

A nun was fired from her job in heaven, so she came down to earth and started looking for a job. One night, when she is filling out a job application, there is a question that asks her to check the boxes next to the jobs that she has previously worked at. She looks at the answers for a second, and t...

Things a pilot can't say in a job interview

I'm down to earth

What is the best part about being a Geologist?

All your coworkers are down to earth

Why areshort people better than tall people?

They are more down to earth.

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Aliens Encounter A Gas Station

Two aliens from outer space come down to Earth and land next to a gas station. They debate who to talk to and approach a gas pump. The one alien commands, "Take me to your leader." Nothing happens. The alien gets angry, points his ray gun and says, "Take me to to your leader or I'll zap you to dust!...

Dead people in graves are the most humble.

Because they're down to earth.

An old pub had a dog called Rover

An old pub had a dog called Rover, who all the patrons loved. Unfortunately, one day Rover passed away. To honour the passing of their beloved dog, they cut off his tail and pinned it above the fireplace.

With this, Rover went up to doggy heaven where he was met at the pearly white gates by S...

Jesus and Moses are having a conversation in heaven...

Jesus "Moses, people are starting to lose faith and I don't know what to do about it"



Moses "Well, the last time you preformed some miracles in person, it really made people gain faith"



Jesus "Thats a good idea"



So Jesus and Moses go down to earth to a he...

Someone has most likely made this dad joke before but I'm still proud/ashamed to have come up with it myself.

Man 1: Did you hear about my neighbor who jumped off a cliff?
Man 2: Yeah, it's really unfortunate, he seemed like such a down to earth guy.

What’s the difference between going to space and going skydiving?

One is more down to Earth

I have two friends. An astronaut and a truck driver.

I like the truck driver more because he seems more down to earth than the astronaut.

Why did Elon Musk fail to go to Mars

Because he is very down to Earth

We were discussing the races and dwarvs are my favorite. The reason?

They always appear to be down to earth.

I like sitting down on my office chair when it's all the way down.

I don't know why, I just feel more down to earth.

JESUS WAS BORED so he went to God, his father and asked him, "Dad, give me something to do, I am bored! "

"Take a file and smooth the top of the Himalayas," said God.
After 7,000 years Jesus came back again. "And now what can I do?" he asked God again.
God gave him a spoon and told him to empty the Indian Ocean.
After 7,000 years, he was back again. "It's done... and now?" he asked God. ...

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Thor meets a woman with a lisp

Thor decides he hasn't been to Earth in quite some time and decides to go down and let humanity know he still exists. So he flies down and lands on a woman's balcony. After entering her apartment he grabs her, throws her on the bed and fucks the shit out of her.

A few days later, in Asgard, h...

A wealthy businessman dies and is standing in front of the gates of heaven.

St. Peter meets him there and congratulates him on his success on earth. He says, "You know, its a shame that you have done so much and can't take it with you. I'm going to do something special just for you."

He hands the man a briefcase, saying, "I'm going to give you one day to go back down...

God wrote an email....( kinda long )

So apparently god decided recently to check up on the earth and see how things were going. God summoned one of his angels. God told the angel to go down to earth and evaluate how humanity was doing. After several months the angel returns and reports that about 95% of humanity isn’t really following ...

God has been working very hard and needs a vacation

So Gabriel suggests he take a trip down to Earth, “After all,” says Gabriel, “You haven’t been there in forever and things have really been coming along.”

“Are you kidding me?” replies God, “Last time I went there, I banged some Jewish chick and they still haven’t stopped talking about it.”

Man, I sure love gravity

It's really down to earth

In a small country pub,

In a small country pub, all the patrons became quite used to the pub owners little dog being around the bar, so were quite upset when one day the little dog died. Everyone met to decide how they could remember the little dog. The decision was to cut off his tail and stick it up behind the bar to rem...

Jesus is granted one final request before departure.

As Jesus prepares to be sent down to Earth, God says to him, "since you're going to be doing me a huge favor going down to there as a mortal, I'll grant you one request while you're down there."

Jesus mulls over the offer for a moment while examining his human body. When his eyes stroll over ...

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