UPJOKE

Down South Jokes

A televangelist at a mega-church down south was on stage, collecting money from the faithful and promising them he could help anyone.

A young man left the audience and came up on the stage and asked the televangelist to pray for his hearing. The televangelist starting chanting and took the young man by his shoulders and shook him. Then he cupped his hands over the young man's ears and said some more incantations and finally shoute...

The situation down south is too much

People unhappy, wanting to leave their country and come over to ours like they're entitled to it, corrupt law forces and an all around mess. As a Canadian this is too much

Boy gets engaged down south

Down South, a young man falls in love, and he rushes home to tell his Pappy about his new sweetheart.

Pappy sadly shakes his head back and forth and says, "Son, I hate to tell ya, but in mah youth, I sowed mah wild oats, and that girl is yer half-sister."

Brokenhearted, the young man c...

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The Yankee farmer moves down south

So this farmer from up north decides he's going to retire and move to the south. After he gets his house and land he starts to miss farming so he decides to start back up but on a small scale. The farmer walks to the local flea market to see what he can find and first off he sees a man selling 2 chi...

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[Long] This wealthy couple from New York made a trip down south...

To visit some relatives that retired down in Florida. They were big foodies and decided to make a stop in Tennessee because they had never had good southern food but had heard how good it was. They find a hole in the wall southern food joint and pulled their new Range Rover in between two old beat u...

You know the majority of folks down south hate left leaning politicians and it finally hit me as to why.....

They watch nascar drivers lean left 500 times every Sunday and just cant take anymore left in their life.

Did you guys hear about a terrorist group flying down south for a giant snowball fight against penguins

It was all over the news, the headlines read "Isis huge in Antarctica".

A old nun was telling a new nun what it will be like being a nun in South America. She was telling her about all the fresh fruit that they have. Then she said farther down south they have bananas this big |.........|

The new nun responded Father who?

I tried telling my friend from down south how becoming blood brothers works.

He couldn't understand the concept because they were all related already.

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The best salesman in the world

The boy went into the mall to get a job. He told the management that he was the world's best salesman. They gave him a job as a seller, but expected profits from day one.

On Saturday evening the manager came down and asked how many customers he had served today. The boy said he had helped one...

Captain John McGrue was one of the most respected explorers

Born in England, he became known for his seafaring skills at a young age. At the age of 20, he heard the legends of the greatest drinks in the world, a quest many explorers had tried, but unfortunately none could complete the trip. McGrue was talked out of it by every friend, until at 28, already an...

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A joke my Uncle tells. Makes me laugh every time..

Somewhere deep down south a man dials 9-1-1..

Operator: “Emergency services. Is there a problem?”

Man: “Hi, uhh ya. I jus’ came home and I foun’ my wife lyin’ dead on tha floor.”

Operator: “I am so sorry to hear that sir. How would you like us to assist you?”

Man: “Yea, u...

So you've probably heard

So you've probably heard the Brazilian variant of COVID is a bit more infectious than what we have here up north.

Don't worry, I hear things are going to clear up a lot down south when they get a Brazilian Vax.

Went on a trek one time...

Down south in the backwoods. Along my way I met a friendly family that took me in for the night. Despite being impoverished they insisted that I stay the night and have dinner.

When we had dinner it seemed they were serving a kind of stew. Quite aromatic. I asked them what it was and the re...

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A real dummy

A ventriloquist working down South, is confronted by a theater patron during his show. The hick stands up and yells, "HEY YOU! ON STAGE! You been making smart-ass remarks about us southerners being stupid all night long! We're not all stupid ya know!" "Relax," said the ventriloquist, "They're just j...

Mass Murder

Man walks into a pub and the bartender says, "Not seen you in ages, where you been?"

"Was in the jail," replies the man.

"Sorry to hear that," says the bartender. "What did you do?"

"What do you mean?," says the man, "I was just visiting. My friend got convicted for a mass murde...

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Northerners

Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven God went missing for six days. 

Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day, resting. He enquired of God, 'Where have you been?' 

God pointed downwards through the clouds. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?'...

A Taxi driver walked into a bar

"Anyone here call a taxi?" He asked

"Over there" replied a stern voice.

The Taxi driver turned his head to see a gruff old man pointing to a young fellow in his thirties snoozing at a table.

The taxi driver walked over to the young man and saw a note next to his head.

...

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Just a typical story repost with a little twist

A proud farmer lying on his deathbed, asked his three sons to find one object that can be used to fill the inside of the barn. The one who can deliver will be chosen as his heir to the farm.

So the oldest son goes to the market to get hay while the middle son go get leaves and the youngest s...

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