UPJOKE

Does That Mean Jokes

I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean?

Also, my IQ test came back positive

Someone asked me, “since you have autism does that mean you take everything literally?”

I replied, “no, that’s a kleptomaniac.”

Me to HR: Your careers page says the company offers "competitive salary". What does that mean exactly?

HR: That means your salary will be competing with your bills.

If I'm not a solid, a liquid, or a gas, does that mean...

...I don't matter?

If smells are nostalgic, does that mean they’re ...

Scentimental?

If you're hanging out with Satan at a part does that mean

You're having a hell of a time?

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."

The little girl went to the garage and asked "Dad, may I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Susie was in heat, and to come talk to you."
Dad said, " Bring Susie over here" He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear-end with it and said,...

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If someone tell you they fucked a lioness, what does that mean?

They're lion.

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If you poop in a church, does that mean its a holy shit?

Poop John the first from the church of the holy shitters says yes

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If bedbugs live in beds, does that mean..

..cockroaches........

If the British empire spoke queens English does that mean..

The Americans spoke rebels tongues.

If you’re genetically predisposed to spelling and grammar errors, does that mean you’re…

…typo positive?

It Jesus was the lamb of God.. and Mary was his mother does that mean...

Mary had a little lamb?

"Bad news son, the price of Vodka has risen", said the father. "Does that mean that you will drink less", asks the son.

"No, you will eat less."

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I have a friend who is a cross dressing dwarf. Does that mean he's gay?

I means he's a little gay.

Teacher - if my cup is half full, what does that mean?

Student - that you need a smaller bra!

Other jokes like, "If pro is the opposite of con, does that mean that congress is the opposite of progress?"

Just looking for some jokes similar to this one, playing on opposites and such.

If I spank Dwayne Johnson...

does that mean I hit Rock bottom?

You know how there's a theory that no two people see colour the exact same way, does that mean colour is like...

... a pigment of your imagination?

A JOKE MY DAD CAME UP WITH

Since the united states has a nationwide coin shortage, does that mean we lack common cents?

If the number 666 is considered evil...

does that mean that 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil?

If a robber robs a house under renovation and accidentally leaves his handprint on wet cement,

Does that mean that the police have concrete evidence?

ISIS guy stopped the car of Christian couple.

ISIS guy stopped the car of Christian couple.
ISIS guy: Are you moslem?
Christian: Yes I am.
ISIS guy: Recite a verse from Quran.
Christian man recited a verse from Bible.
ISIS guys: Yallah-ho-snackbar, you can go.

Later Christian guy's wife: I can't believe you too...

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A young man decided it was time to come out to his family.

He was worried most about his grandmother, so he approached her in the kitchen.

"Grandma, I, uh, have to tell you something."

"Yes, sweety?"

"I, uh, I'm gay."

"Gay?" His heart stopped. "Does that mean you put men's things in your mouth?"

"Grandma!!!!"

"Wel...

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar

They are watching a fight on tv and one of the boxers gets down on a knee and signals a cross across his body.

The rabbi asks the priest “hey what does that mean”

“When he does the cross across his body what does that mean”

The priest says “ it don’t mean a damn thing if he ca...

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Since thongs are also known as butt floss

Does that mean they prevent anal cavities?

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If I have an addiction to masturbation

And I suddenly develop it into an addiction to sex, does that mean my addiction is getting out of hand?

If a man with a foot fetish cheats on his wife...

Does that mean he got off on the wrong foot?

So if guns don’t kill people, people kill people

Does that mean toasters don’t toast toast toast toast toast?

If 9/10 people suffer from diarrhea,

Does that mean that 1/10 people enjoy it?

If the tomato is technically a fruit

Does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?

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Sherlock Holmes Looks at the Night Sky

Sherlock Holmes and Watson are laying in their sleeping bags looking up at the midsummer sky. Sherlock turns to Watson and asks, "Watson, what do you see?"


"Stars and the moon, dear Holmes," he says.


"What does it mean?" Sherlock asks.


"Well," says Watson. "It ...

Someone told me I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed

What does that mean?

if a hooker has a small chest,

does that mean she charges a flat rate?

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while, and then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."


She asked, "What does that mean?"


He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot."


She smiled happily and said, "Oh, that's so lovely. What about ...

If I'm fat but identify as slim

Does that mean I am trans slender?

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Rectal Glaucoma

One morning, a man calls his boss to tell him he'll be out sick. The boss presses for specifics, and the man says, "Sir, I have rectal glaucoma." "And what does that mean?" asks the boss.

The man replies, "I just can't see my ass coming in to work today."

Scientists say four out of five people suffer from diarrhea...

I'm just wondering, does that mean that *one* other person enjoys it?

If you notice cows sleeping in a field...

does that mean it's pasture bedtime? :)

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Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning…

and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!"

Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats."

Oh...

A man calls his wife's doctor to ask him about the new medicine she has to take (stop me if you heard this one before)

Doctor: tell your wife to administer the medicine anally.

Husband: ok

Husband to wife: the doctor told you to take it anally

Wife: what does that mean?

Husband: I don't know, I'll call him back.

Husband calls doctor and asks for clarification

Doctor: tell yo...

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If Mother's Day cocktails are Mumosas...

Does that mean the Father's Day cocktail of choice would be a Dadquiri?

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Two American business men in the 1980s are visiting Tokyo, Japan to make a business deal with an electronics company

Sadly the CEO (Mr. Yamoto) had an unexpected issue to deal with at one of his factories and couldn't see the men that day, but had his COO (Mr. Hagino) not only invite the two Americans to join them for a round of golf the next day to discuss business, but also to show them around and keep them ent...

If we're really not in a computer simulation..

Does that mean that we're all non-binary?

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Dave was thinking about men and woman and had an Epiphany.

He ran downstairs to tell his wife.

“Hey honey, I think I have figured out the difference between men and women!” Dave said.

“Oh?...” she replied with a concerned inquisition.

“Yeah see, it’s like wisdom vs intelligence. Guys, we’re pretty dumb, but we know how to handle tough s...

Johnny walks in the room and looks at his wife and says

"baby. if you were in India they would worship you"

His wife responds while blushing "does that mean I'm a goddess"

He smiles and says "no you're a cow"

If a tennis player can get tennis elbow

Does that mean a gynecologist can get tunnel vision?

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The always makes me laugh

On Thanksgiving day, a little boy overhears his mom and dad fighting. He hears his mom call his dad a bastard and hears his dad call his mom a bitch. He asks, "Mommy, what does bastard mean?" She answers, "Um, it means boy." Then he asks, "Daddy, what does bitch mean?" He says, "Uh, it means girl." ...

Little Jhonny was an only child.

After hearing from his friends that had younger siblings how fun it was to take care, play, and sometimes pick on them, he got extremely jealous and began to wish very badly for a little brother. So everyday he would beg his parents for them to have another baby. His parents, however, really didn't ...

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If Korean pop is K-pop

Does that mean that Chinese rap is Crap?

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If "hakuna matata" means no worrys

Does that mean "hakuna makaka" means no shit?

If The Joke about r/Jokes is That All The Jokes are Stolen/Copy Pasted...

Does that mean when you see a joke, you've already Reddit?

If Jesus comes back and is crucified again

Does that mean he's been double crossed

Place Value

This is not so much of a joke as an amusing true story.

I was teaching math to some first graders, and we had been discussing place value for the past week.

It was Friday and I had been explaining that a 1 in the one's place is worth 1, but a 1 in the ten's place was worth 10.

S...

If people are calling the American Stimulus money Biden Bucks...

Does that mean the last stimulus check was
Trump Change?

If Donald Trump replaces Barack Obama in the White House

Does that mean that orange is the new black?

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Little Billy comes home and asks his dad...

"Daddy, one of the boys at school called me a 'cunt'! What does that mean?"

His dad says, "wait until mommy goes to bed, and then I'll show you."

A few hours pass, and sure enough mom has gone to bed and fallen asleep. Billy's dad comes into his room and wakes him up. They go into the ...

The original joke was in French but I'll try my best

A French boy comes home from school quite frustrated and decides to speak to his father. "Dad," he said

"Yes son?" his dad replied.

"Today, one of my friends from Burundi called me an idiot. He said we colonised his country. What does that mean?"

"It means we invaded his country...

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So a newlywed couple is in bed after their wedding day when...

The husband lets out a massive fart and the wife says " What was that?"
The husband responds "A game. Im winning 7-0" later the wife lets out a fart and says "7-7!"
The wife follows up with another poot and claims the score 14-7. Finally the the husband fart so explosively that he shits the be...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson had once gone on a camping and hiking trip.

As they lay on their beds staring at the night sky Holmes said, " Watson, look up. What do you see?"

"Well, I see thousands of stars."

"And what does that mean to you?"

"Well, I imagine it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"

"T...

If a knight in Prague dons his armour

Does that mean the czech is in the mail!?

If a man is 80% water ...

Does that mean if I walk on a man I’m 80% Jesus

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