UPJOKE

Doctor Visit Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A big city doctor visits an Native American tribe full of men and he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"

"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor visit.

Took my wife to the doctors today to sort out her Tourette's.

Turns out she doesn't have Tourette's.

I am a cunt and she really does want me to fuck off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor visit.

Had to go to the Doctors yesterday, doctor said strip off, he immediately mentioned the fact that my genitalia was perfectly shaped like a saxophone...

I explained that it was a family trait and we all had genitalia shaped like musical instruments.

He was amazed and said, "Well in 27 y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In a mental hospital, a doctor visited 3 of his patients

he saw patient 1 reading a book and says "Wow, you're improving"
patient 1 says, "I'm just reading a book"
then, he saw patient 2 writing and says "Wow, you're improving too"
patient 2 says, "I'm just writing a poem"

But then, he saw patient 3 sitting on the table
the doctor excla...

A Weird Doctor Visit

A beautiful young woman was about to undergo a minor operation.

She was lying on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushed her trolley down the corridor towards the operating theater, where she left the woman on the trolley outside, while she went in t...

Doctor visit

A man went to see his doctor for a physical. As the lab results came in the doctor said, "I have your lab results. Don't mind me asking sir, but what's your zodiac sign?" The patient said his zodiac sign is cancer. The doctor said, "well what a coincidence"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor Visit

A girl goes off to college and decided to visit the gynecologist for the first time for her check up.After the exam, the Dr. explained to her that he knew that she had been sexually active,

I'm a professional and it is my job to know these kind of things so don't be embarassed".

"If yo...

Doctor Visit

After my Prostate Exam, the doctor left. When the nurse came in as she shut the door, she whispered three words no man wants to hear:


Who was that?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor Visit

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

“Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a diffi...

Doctor visit #2

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical, and as I'm getting on in years, the doctor suggested I get a colonoscopy. He says, "I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, so I'm just letting you know it's totally normal to get an erection during the exam."

I said, "Oh, this isn't my first colon...

Doctor Visit

I told my doctor that the pills she prescribed had me seeing colors.

She said it was a pigment of my imagination.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Baby's First Doctor Visit

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed", she replied. <...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor visit in europe

A young couple goes to the doctors office with the complaint that they have trouble having sex. What is the problem exactly? says the doctor. We don't know the couple says, it just doesn't work.

Well, says the doctor, why don't you try it in the treatment room. Ok says the couple, they go in...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor visit

I go to the doctor. He asks for a stool sample. I pull out a small chair from my bag. The doctor yells at me for wasting his time. I go home. Still don’t know why I’m shitting furniture. My nightmare continues.

A doctor visited a mental patient in his room...

He found the patient in his bed lying on his side. He came closer and heard the patient singing a song.

Doctor: Wow, it looks like you’re getting better.
Patient: *continues to sing*

The doctor was very pleased. He continued to watch and listen to the patient. All of a sudden, the p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor visit

During his routine medical check, Paddy asked the doctor, " Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life ?"

"I doubt it", said the doctor, "Mercury is in Uranus right now."

Paddy said, " I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

"Neither do I", replied the doctor, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor Visit

I saw Dr. Sanfers for my checkup and he asked a lot of questions. After two visits and lots of lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. That comment concerned me so I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 90?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink bee...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor Visit

"You'll be fine," the Doctor said after finishing the young Woman's surgery. But, she asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again Doctor?"
The Surgeon seemed to pause and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye.
The ...

A doctor visits a woman after her operation.

Doctor: "Good day, before I tell you the diagnosis, I would like to ask you a question: Do you have ticklish feet?"
Patient: "Oh yes doctor, I have the awfullest tickle of all time, I barely stand it! But why do you ask?"
Doctor: "Well then I have good news! You no longer have that problem! Yo...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.