Do You Know Who I Am Jokes

It was final exams for a senior level college class, and the exam counted as 75% of the grade.

The exam was also strictly timed.

5 minutes before the time was up, the professor gave a warning, "remember, 5 minutes left. When I say put your pencils down, you must do it, or you'll immedi... read more

Back in college I sat for a final written exam, and when the professor called time I made my way to the front of the class to drop off my work. With 300+ students it took a while, and I chatted with a friend for a minute. I was the last to turn in my test.

"You're late. I'm not accepting your... read more

They responded: "You are the eschatological manifestation of the deepness of our being. You are the enigma that gives sense to all our interpersonal relationships. You are the cosmological fabric that keeps our minds and our world together."
Jesus goes "Wha..?"

As he was getting arrested he kept saying “do you know who I am???”

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat
calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that
God's ultima... read more

The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."

Zorro goes to a bar only wearing his face mask. He asks the bartender for a drink and then asks him if he knows who he is. The bartender replies that he has never seen him before. Zorro gets mad, puts on his black hat and his black cape and asks the bartender one more time if he knows who he is. The... read more

**The doctor asked him a series of questions: “Do you know where you are?” “I’m at Rex Hospital.” “What city are you in?” “Raleigh.” “Do you know who I am?” “Dr. Hamilton.” My grandfather then turned to the nurse and said, “I hope he doesn’t ask me any more questions.” “Why?” she asked. “Because all... read more

After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Her response was simply, "No, but there... read more

It was a beautiful summer Sunday in a small southern church, songs had been sung, and the preacher was about to begin his sermon. There was suddenly a loud boom of thunder, and in a bright flash and smell of burning brimstone, Satan appeared at the pulpit. It terrified the congregation, and they beg... read more

He goes over to an elderly woman and asks, “Do you know who I am?” She replies, “No, but if you go to the front desk, they’ll tell you.”

Guy: *angry* Do you know who I am?!

Mark: Yes, your name is Andrew Smith, you have 122 friends out of which 30 are females, and your wife has 652 friends and 600 of them are males. Last year she messaged with a guy named Michael…

Guy: OKAY. Enough! The accident was my fault, just leave... read more

So, these two drunk sailors arrive at this Naval port city by boat and they begin to go to each and every one of the bars. Once they get kicked out of one they go to another.

So for the rest of the night they get absolutely wasted, and when they get kicked out of the last bar they begin to st... read more

He has been bored and looking in to a new sport to take up. He’s looking through his newspaper when he sees an advert for a new golf course in his home town. He takes a walk down and asks the receptionist about signing up.

Usain Bolt “Hi, I’m here to see about joining your new golf course” ... read more

Waiter welcomes him and says:
"Hello sir, all our tables are full so you might have to wait for about 30 minutes".
"Do you know who I am?" the man replies.
"Oh, of course, I'm sorry, we'll get you a table anyways." says the waiter.

After the man has eaten his meal, waiter brings him... read more

Mark Zuckerberg's car hit a guy's car

Guy (angry) : Do you know who I am?

Mark : Yes, you are Scott Thomas, you have 237 friends out of which 37 are females and your wife doesn't know 12 of them. Last holiday you went to Thailand and there you . . .

Guy : Leave it bro, it was my... read more

The time is up, all of the others have handed in their tests, and this one guy keeps on writing. The professor comes over to him and says "Times up! Hand in your test." He ignores this, and keeps writing.
"If you don't hand your paper over now, I'll disqualify your test," says the professor... an... read more

....when a young man approached his desk.

“Here’s my paper, sir,” said the student.

“I’m sorry, young man. That paper was due yesterday, and I do not accept late submissions.”

“Well, excuse me, sir,” the student said, haughtily. “Do you know who I am?”

“No, I do not,” re... read more

The devil went to church one day and upon seeing his red skin, big horns and cloven feet, all of the people ran from the building in terror. All except for one old man near the front. He didn't even budge. The devil was intrigued by the man's apparent disinterest in his hideous appearance. So he str... read more

The man responds to this news by asking "Do you know who I am?"

Not recognizing him, the host immediately gives him the next available table in order to make it seem like he does.

"Does this table meet your expectations?" Says the host.

The man again replies "Do you know who I a... read more

and goes out after to celebrate.

But he is refused service at the first pub he goes to. The barman shakes his head and says, "Sorry, we do not serve your type here."

Bolt is not happy to hear this and orders his drink again. But the barman refuses to serve him, "Sorry, there`s a place ... read more

Jesus Christ is walking on the beach, a beautiful sunset is in the making...

He meets a hippie who is rolling a joint and sits himself next to him.



Jesus: what are you doing?

Hippie: rolling a joint, wanna smoke some?

Jesus: hmmm... i only smoke good weed, you kn... read more

The prosecutor started by asking her, "Do you know who I am?"

The old woman replied. "Yes, you're John Kim, and I must say I'm very disappointed in you. You're greedy, you treat others like dirt, and you've been keeping a mistress for years! Of course I know who you are."

The prosecuto... read more

One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam. At the end of the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furioulsy, although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be disqualified. ... read more

As time draws near, all the students are clearly stressed out, desperately trying to answer all the questions except one.

The professor counts down the last 10 seconds on his watch and calls out to the hall, "Time is up, pencils down, pass your exams up to the front." All the students put do... read more

Don't make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man whose gonna burn your house down -... read more