UPJOKE

Did You Hear What Happened Jokes

Did you hear what happened to Jimmy?

Did you hear what happened to Jimmy?
He lost a hundred pounds!

American: That’s great news!
Englishman: That’s awful news!

Did you hear what happened to the guy whose left arm and left leg got chopped off?

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Did you hear what happened to Jimmy? Tertible! His wife divorced him and left him without a single penny!

\- Well, I have it far worse. Not only is my wife ileaving me without a single penny, she also has absolutely no intention to divorce me.

Did you hear what happened to the top pole-valter in North Korea?

He became the top pole-valter in South Korea.

Did you hear what happened to the butcher?

He accidentally backed into the meat grinder.

He's okay though, he just got a little behind in his work.

Did you hear what happened at the laundromat last night?

Three clothespins held up two shirts.

Did you hear what happened to the kid who kept getting electrocuted?..

His dad finally grounded him


.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear what happened to my dogs testicles?

[removed]

Did you hear what happened to the Bald King who couldn't sire any sons?

He died *heir*-less.

Did you hear what happened to the mute person?

Yeah, me neither

Did you hear what happened to that NFL player that murdered several people?

He was suspended.

Did you hear what happened to the manicurist?

She was charged with tweezon.

Did you hear what happened to Lithium?

He was arrested for battery charges. Some say he's bi-polar.

Did you hear what happened to the Italian chef? He pasta way.

Looks like he ran out of thyme

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear what happened to Brutus when he went to Mount Olive?

Popeye beat the shit out of him

Did you hear what happened to the big game taxidermist who fell behind on his debt?

His deer rear career is in arrears

Did you hear what happened to Ellen DeGeneres?

They found her face down in Ricki lake

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear what happened when Oedipus got flu?

He became one sick mother fucker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear what happened when Dyslexic Dan bought a flashlight?

Yeah, he fucked himself on that one.

Did you hear what happened to that guy who has rhotacism and always smokes an E-cigarette?

He told me he got vaped last night.

Did you hear what happened to the Scottish soldier?

He was kilt in action.

Did you hear what happened to the Turkey that got into a fight?

Apparently he got the stuffing knocked out of him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear what happened to Lorena Bobbitt? She was in a horrible car accident.

Some dick cut her off.

Did you hear what happened when the cheese factory blew up!?

Da Brie went everywhere!!

Did you hear what happened to Jude from the Beatles song?

He died of a Sodium overdose.

Did you hear what happened to the large breasted streaker at the match on Sunday?

She got thrown out by the bouncers

Did you hear what happened to the dark side of the moon today?

It was pretty lit!

Did you hear what happened today at the national school for the deaf?

Neither did they.

Did you hear what happened in the Multi-Language Translation Race?

Nobody made it to the Finnish Line.

Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?

I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear what happened to the fly on the toilet seat?

He got pissed off.

John constantly irritated his friends with his eternal optimism…

No matter how bad the situation, he would always say, "It could have been worse."

To cure him of this annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely black, so dreadful, that even John could find no hope in it. Approaching him at the club bar one day, one of them said,...

2 Tigers At The Bronx Zoo Are Talking

Fred: Hey did you hear what happened to Bob the Tiger?

Larry: Yea, COVID-19. Unbelievable! How could he get a human illness?

Fred: He had a zookeeper for dinner last week.

Larry: That's terrible.

Fred: It gets worse.

Larry: Bob ate a human who gave him Coronavirus,...

A&W has no mascot

Did you hear what happened to the A&W mascot?

He was walking home one day when he got Mugged

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