UPJOKE

Cute Girl Jokes

Saw a cute girl at work today.

I told her I get off in five minutes and she smiled. Then I said I finish work in one hour and she left.

Got checked out by cute girl

The total was $3.92

What did the nerd say to the cute girl?

Are you an API because I want to call you?

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I just met a cute girl named Kidding.

I wish I was fucking kidding.

A cute girl at work said she'd only go on a date with me on a day that doesn't end in 'Y'

I said "Great! I'll pick you up tomorrow!"

Back in high school..

...I was a huge metal fan. In math class, I had an 8/10 girl next to me, she turns me on so much. I always try really hard to impress her, she's so hot. The teacher starts passing back last weeks test, and 8/10 looks at me, smiles, and starts playing with her hair. I can't handle it, I start spinnin...

What's the difference between a punchline and a cute girl?

Sometimes I get the punchline :(

A very handsome man gets into a terrible car accident....

The doctors save his life, but he loses one eye. Before a nice glass one can be fitted, he is temporarily given a wooden eye.

The man becomes very depressed because of his eye loss and sits at home, moping around. Eventually his friends come over and drag him out to a bar to try and cheer him...

A cute girl was towing two tow trucks

She had a great pickup line

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What does a farmer and a cute girl have in common.

They can both raise a cock.

I told my friends I'm going on a date with a cute girl.

They told me she's imaginary, but joke's on them, so are they.

I told the cute girl at the grocery store that I wanted to make her mine. Was all smiles and as happy as anything...

For some reason, she got mad when I gave her a pick axe and a helmet with a light on the front.

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A boy tells a cute girl a joke.

LONG

Boy: There are three flies trapped in a jar. One is a male and the other 2 are females. The male fly is at the bottom of the jar just sitting there acting as if nothing is wrong. The females fries are buzzing and trying to get out with everything they are. Then they see the male flying j...

Cute girls are great but those who speak about climate are

Greta

I told the cashier at McDonald's that there's some cute girls here.

I asked her if she could get them out of the ball pit for me.

---------------------------------------------------

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I was at the park today, walking, and I saw this really cute girl crying.

I asked her what was wrong and she said she only had a year to live and that she’d never been hugged. I gave her a hug cause I’m a nice guy. When I came back to the same spot 10 minutes later she was crying still. I asked what was wrong and she said she never been kissed. I, of course, kissed her. W...

I was getting drunk with this cute girl and booze was going everywhere.

Then suddenly I slipped in cider.

Have you ever had that moment when a cute girl winks at you and then her boyfriend winks at you too?

It's a wink wink situation

So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive

It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)

So I went to a costume party dressed as a chicken when I bumped into a cute girl dressed as an egg, that night i found out the answer to the age old question

Which came first

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Saw a really stunning cute girl in Thailand on the bus, couldn't stop looking. I thought "please don't get a boner, please don't get a boner..."

But she did.

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A shy man enters a bar

He sees a cute girl sitting at the bar and sits down near her. About an hour later he finally comes up to her and quietly asks her:
-Excuse me miss, could I buy you a drink?
The girl screams:
-No! I am NOT having sex with you!!
Everyone at the bar turns and stares at him. Humiliated, he ...

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So I Went To Japan On A Holiday

and I had a very close online Japanese friend I met on a Guitar Hero forum, and we arranged to meet up.

I thought he was a guy, but then this really cute girl with short, brown hair shows up, easily a 9/10. She's called Nao and even though it's the first time we had met in real life, we get a...

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Tik tok < pornhub

I met a cute girl at bar recently she told me she was a tik tok influencer,

I said cool I’m on pornhub, maybe we should collab,

either way its only gonna last 10 seconds.

I think I might need new glasses

I saw a cute girl at the mall far away from me so I went to her to ask for her number.

When I got close, he was uglier than I expected.

There was this little boy who was obsessed with tractors...

...he grew up around tractors, his mother and father were both farmers, and the family lived on a farm. Every day he would get driven to school on a tractor, and his dad would always pick him up on a tractor. Whenever christmas came around, he would always wish for tractor toys, miniatures, and pret...

Mr. Putin Goes to School

One day Vladimir Putin arrived at an elementary school, where he gave a lecture on all the reasons why Russia, under his leadership, is the best country in the world. After the lecture, he invited the children to ask him questions, and almost everyone raised their hand enthusiastically - after all, ...

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A farmer and his best friend go to the city to get laid.

They walk into a club, the farmer finds a cute girl, and he starts sweet talking her.

Unimpressed, the girl says "I'll only go out with you if you have a 2000 acre farm, 10000 cows, and a 7 inch dick.

The farmer dies inside, and walks back to his friend. The friend asks "What happened?...

Frank and Ollie go to the beach wearing Speedos...

FRANK: Hey Ollie, you know why we have these new Speedos, right?
OLLIE: No, why? They are tight.
FRANK: To pick up cute girls, they like tight swim shorts on guys like us.
OLLIE: Great! I like cute girls.
FRANK: Here, put this potato in your speedos to pick up the cutest girls. They will...

A guy asked a pharmacist for a box of 50 condoms behind the counter.

Two cute girls who were standing behind him giggled. The guy turned and looked the girls in the eye and still talking to the pharmacist said Make it 52.

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Preaching the truth.

Guy talking to stranger: Bisexuality isn't hard to understand. Guys are cute girls are cute. What more do you want from me.

*stranger cocking gun* : Your wallet.

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My date..

I was at a gas station pumping gas when this cute girl pulled up next to me. She was in a Camaro and asking me questions about my car. Great convo we had, so i asked her on a date . I came to pick her up the night after, she was in a wheel chair! Surprised the hell out of me. So we went for a stroll...

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So he walks in for a Condom...

This young 18 year old young man walks into a drugstore nervously and after hesitating, summons the courage to approach the pharmacist at the counter and gets even more nervous. The wise and experienced pharmacist smiles and asks him to relax and open up. He finally blurts out:
"I'd like to buy ...

A college fellow is trying to find a date to take to the county fair - and maybe a little more afterwards.

After some fruitless searching, a buddy of his says "I know this cute girl, Ruby, that you ought to meet!" So he arranges for them to meet and go to the county fair together.

Well, they get there, he shows Ruby around and asks her "What do you want to do?"

"I wanna get weighed!" says ...

I used to work hard

but that really cute girl quit last week.

A man is sitting in a bar looking sad....

(friend of mine told me this forever ago. I'm sure its been posted here before)

The bartender asks, “Why you so down?”

Man replies, “Well, no girls will talk to me because I have this wooden eye and it freaks them out.”

Bartender thinks for a moment, “See that cute girl sitting ...

A man comes home to his wife with two black eyes

The wife freaks out but calms down enough to ask what happened. The man says “well i was in the mall today on the escalator and there was this cute girl in front of me and she had her skirt tucked into her but. I pulled it out for her and she turned around and punched me in the eye.” The wife says “...

My favorite Cheesy joke turned into a pick-up line:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the cute girl's house.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

The chicken

Happy Valentines everybody!

The sad story of Stanislaw.

Nearing the end, Stanislaw is surrounded by loved ones. As the final moment approaches, he gathers all his strength and whispers, "I must tell you my greatest secret."

His family urges him to go on. "Before I got married, I had it all," Stanislaw explains. "Fast cars, cute girls, and plenty o...

how time flys

A group of 15 year old boys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at the McDonald’s next to Captain Jack’s Seafood Grille because they only had six dollars among them, they could ride their bikes there, and Jennie Webster, that cute girl in Social Studies, lives ...

I just won the 2016 friendzone award.

I'd like to dedicate this achievement to my imaginary girlfriend, my waifu, and that cute girl in high school whom I still obsess about.

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I was alone

on a late train last night when a gorgeous cute girl got on and sat directly across from me. I couldn't help but notice her skirt had ridden up revealing her panties to me.



She showed no interest in hiding her charms, her face was expressionless and she exuded an aloof sexuality I co...

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Climbing the Ladder to Success

Joe walks along a road and comes across a man standing next to a ladder that stretches up into the clouds. He walks up to the man and asks what's going on.

"Oh, this? This is the ladder to success," the man replies.

"Interesting," Joe mumbles. "I was just fired from my job and caugh...

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Lose 10Kg/22 Pounds a week or get double your money back !

A guy is reading his newspaper and stops on an ad:

"***Lose 5 Kg /11 Pounds in one week or we will pay you back twice your money, guaranteed !***"

He goes to the adress and the hostess at the reception collect the payment and shows the client a room saying: enter here you will see ...

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