Cross The Street Jokes

To show how it's done.

To get to the second hand store.

I wore the wrong sock this morning.

The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.

So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in t... read more

The first kid says "I gave money to a homeless man"

The second kid says "I helped my mom with the chores"

The third kid says "I helped an old lady cross the street"

The teacher was very impressed and had high hopes for the fourth kid

The fourth kid then says "I prevented ... read more

To say *Hello from the other siiidee*

To clock in at the precinct

The crossing gourd

Beak-cause, she didn't want to chicken out.

Q: Why did the one-handed man cross the street?

A: To get to the second-hand store.

Because he's morbidly obese

Why cross the street when you can cross the hall?

Because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

He wasn't wearing a seat belt

-my friend ben

He had two holed hands.

Speed bump

Apparently, cars don't do a good job pushing people.

Ewoked.

Two Chicagoans die in an unfortunate car wreck.

Tragic, especially considering they didn’t exactly spend their days helping old ladies cross the street or volunteering at the Boys and Girls club. Nope, these fellows went straight to Hades.

The Devil, as is his custom, goes to greet hi... read more

There once was a boy named Nate. He lived across the street from a lever, that if it were to be pulled, the world would end.

One day, Nate was bored, so he decided to cross the street and check out this world-ending lever. However, on his way across the street, a truck came speeding down. ... read more

She tells the man not to move and that she is going to call for an ambulance.

But before she gets up to get her phone out and call she asks the man, “Are you comfortable?”

To which the man replies, “Eh, I make a living.”

"Jaywalking laws require that pedestrians obey traffic control signals unless otherwise instructed by law enforcement which, in addition to traffic signals, jaywalking laws dictate how pedestrians may legally cross the street when no signals are present and though many states require that pedestrian... read more

He was about to cross the street when he almost got hit by a car.

The English driver yelled:
— Hey man, have you come here to die?

— No. I came here yesterday!

A teacher is having a lesson about good deeds.
She teaches the kids to help people cross the road and such.

The next day a group of kids go over to the teacher and one of them says:

Hey teacher, Me, Zach, Andy, George, Tom, John and Luke helped a lady to cross the street.

The... read more

Now I also cross the street when a white person approaches me on the sidewalk

The stranger replied: close your eyes and cross the street.

He was trying to cross the street, and got hit by *A BRAAAAAAAAAAAND NEWWWWWWWWWWWWW CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!*

But won't cross the street to vote.

A paladin goes in to a mechanic's shop, and says "Hey, you've got to help me. Normally, I'm a perfect, upstanding paladin. I help old ladies cross the street, I tithe, I slay evil demons. But when I get in my car, I only have the urge to cause property damage and run people over. What's going on?"... read more

In a small town outside Moscow a very proud primary school teacher began the Monday the same was she began every monday: by asking the students what they did to help their fellow comrads in the glorious Soviet Union. She turned to Illya Ivanovich.

"Illya Ivanovich, what did you do today to he... read more

Okay, so there's this orange and an apple and they walk into a fruit bar.

Well, they don't exactly *walk*, they more or less *roll*. Anyway, the apple says to the bartender, who is actually a banana, "What does one have to do to get a …."

Ah....wait. I think I messed it up.

... ... read more

Across from them, they see a man hobbling and barely able to walk.

The first doctor says “Poor guy, looks like he suffered a devastating back injury. You can tell by his posture and the way he’s shifting his weight.”

The second doctor says “I disagree. I think it’s a hip injury, look ... read more

A penguin is driving to a job interview when suddenly he sees smoke coming from the hood of his car. Stressed and angry because he might be late, he pulls into an autoshop. The mechanic assures him: "Don't worry, these things are usually easy to fix. Go across the street and get yourself a coffee, c... read more

In these troubled times, it can be hard to truly understand anyone’s motivations. True, the grass is always greener on the other side, and one might cross the road in hopes that those pastures truly will be more full of bird seed and such. But in doing so, one risks not only the near certain death... read more